Amy & Her World =)

Photoshoot

2007-11-23T21:16:00.000+07:00

Dear Bloggers

Well, I went to Chiang Khong the other day with my boss.
He is one hell of a photographer!
It was a great chance for me to have my photo taken since we had the same day off.
That day was a little bit cloudy but my boss said it would be ok for the photoshoot.
Well, we did went to Chiang Khong and got many great pictures.

He did said at one point that it was the hardest thing in his life to take my pictures!
I have to admit it, all I can do is funny faces.
I am a funny lady.
That's why you'll never see me on a cover of a magazine or on any big screen.
I do post some of the pics here.
I think I look nice...don't you think?

Amy

Peace Will Come Inside So Quiet

2007-10-09T19:47:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

My life has been so mess up for months.
It started with my broken ankle, several break ups with the same guy, my cat's injured ear, my sister worst European journey, my dad craziness and my sucky health.
I was hopeless from time to time.
I was sort of happy from time to time.
I feel so peaceful sometimes...not so often but sometimes.

I like the feeling, feeling of peacefulness.
It feels so nice when peace comes inside.
The world seems so small and not scary at all.
I felt that way last night and felt it agian this afternoon while walking back from the far end of The Camp.
I knew right then, the certain feeling I love the most came from within.
Our mind is the best thing God gives us.
It can lead you just about anywhere beyond your imagination.

I think I need to say "Thanks" to Miss Chu, the principle.
She sort of help me with this.
I was inches away from the edge and was ready to jump and be ruined forever.
Then she came for a rescue.
I should have talked to her a long time ago.
Things around me would be easier...
I thank God for the talk.

I'm on my way to be a better person now...at least that what I will do my best.
I will try hard to be nice to everyone I meet...even that other woman.
(Will definately take some time for me to get there, eventually and gracefully.)

Joey was here earlier as well.
He was with me for awhile and I felt peace and saw open doors and never ending happiness that were ahead of me.
Within 2 years..,only 2 years to wait.
I can do that...I am so sure this time.

AT the end of the tunnel, my fulfilled life is waiting.

Amy =)

Emptiness

2007-09-22T14:10:00.000+07:00

It feels weird after letting Joey go.

I was mad at him and told him to leave forever.

Now I feel really bad not knowing where he is and if he ever comes back in my life again.

Does it mean all the things he said has gone too?

That would make the future so gloomy and so scary for me!!!

Hope he still wait for me somewhere.

I miss you Joe!

Your Mama

Dear God

2007-09-09T21:19:00.000+07:00

Dear God

This is your sheep, Amy.
I have so many things to say to you.
Some are confessions, words to show how greatful I am and of course some prayers.

I need to tell you that I have been lying to Mommy about my relationship.
I know how she feels about the guy, the relationship and the fact that he's married.
Mom hates it so much cause afterall her love one has been stolen.
I am, on the other hand, is a theif, stealing other woman husband.
I am not pround of that at all.
I am everything Mommy hates. I am everything I hated my whole life.
I am nothing but a low-life whore who is not even good enough to be THE ONE AND ONLY.
But why am I doing it?
Maybe because I look at him and I smile.
My heart beats faster, happier just to think of him.
Being with him, holding him tight is what I want to do.
Is this love? Am I really in love?
Maybe I am. The question is does he love me enough to make me THE ONE AND ONLY?

God, apart from the sad story above, I need to thank you.
I asked for love and you gave it to me.
Not the way I expected though.
But who am I to complain?
It is always better to love and lost than never loved at all, right?
Although it would be nicer to take all the pain of sharing him away...
The ride will be so plaesant without worrying all the time what happen when I'm out of the picture.
That's what kiiling me every waking day.

Then agian you heal my inside.
I have no serious illness (beside unbearable amount of stressfulness.)
I'm glad I'm doing ok, physically.
Thank you for that.
I'm glad my Dad is finally started to realize that I have been having a very hard life providing all the money and other stuff for Mom and my sis.
Hope this me being the head of the house will soften him and he will somehow take some action and make my life easier and happier.
And I'm also so thankful that my sis survived all the tasks you gave her.
She is now on the way to the glory land. Good for her.

Last but not least, some prays from me yours truly.
I pray that you remember to get me out of here in one piece as soon as possible.
It is too painful for me to stay here.
If you can't take me out yet...kindly stop my pain of being another woman.
I can ask you to get her out or make him choose me but walking away is easier.
Afterall, Joe told me the guy would never leave her.
No matter what he says, he loves her and they were made for each other.
They will always be together and I will fade away soon.
That's why I'm begging you God to help me.
Please take me to the place where I can be truly happy.
The place where I can find a HOME for my love, mine only, home for Joey and HOME for me.
I just want the man that always be there when I need him.
A man that I can call my own.
Someone I can have and hold for all my life.
I dont want to share my love with anyone again ever.
Is it too much to ask?
I hope not...

Thank you so much God for your time.
I pray to you in the name of The Lord Jesus Crist.
AMEN

Your Sheep, Amy

Update

2007-09-02T04:39:00.000+07:00

It is still a secret.

She went to the apartment and he was sleeping at his friend's room not mine!

We were so close to be busted.

Well, we should be busted so he could just choose between me and her!

Amy

The Most Exciting Part!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-31T10:06:00.000+07:00

Dear All

The most exciting part of my relationship...the part when that other woman is about to find out!
It has been a secret to her for over 2 months now.

She is looking all over the town for him.
He is sleeping so happily.
I am so freaking out.

Shits about to hit me, right?
Hope I can call him and warn him before we both get killed.
She is unstable and very very very crazy!
I'll come back and update what happen tomorrow!

WISH ME LUCK!!!

God...please help me!
Your Sheep Amy

Mess

2007-08-27T20:55:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

I have to admit it...
My last post was so lame!
It happened before, you know, posting songs or whatever cause I had nothing to say.
However, it is different this time.
I have WAY too much stories to share and I just don't know where to start.

Well, let's just put it this way...the relationship I have is an unhealthy one.
We broke up 3 times already since we got together 2 months ago.
That other woman of his is moving back to his place and it's killing me just to think what might happen when they are alone together.
Man!!!!I hate that so badly!!!

Anyhow, there are so many things that I need to worry right now.
For instance my little sis is going to Belgium and will spend a nice life there,
I still have no idea where to go after The Golden Triangle since my Swiss plan has been postponed, the worst of the worst of the worst thing is I can't seem to find my Joe anywhere...
It worries me a bit is he already HERE with me?
That would be a disaster!
I'm not ready for that yet...and bet the guy is not ready for my Joe too.
But then again the last time we spoke 'DAD is COMING.' not 'Dad is HERE.'
RIGHT?

Well, we have to wait and see how my story turn out!

Amy

I Don't Wanna Fight

2007-08-20T18:13:00.000+07:00

I can't sleep, everything I ever knew
Is a lie without you
I can't breathe, when my heart is broke in two
There's no beat without you
You're not gone but you're not here
At least that's the way it seems tonight
If we could try to end these wars
I know that we can make it right
Cause Baby

I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't wanna have to try
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
Cause I don't want to fight
No more

How can I leave, when everything that I adore
And everything I'm living for girl it's in you
I can't dream, sleepless nights have got me bad
The only dream I ever had is being with you

I know that we can make it right
It's gonna take a little time
Let's not leave ourselves with no way out
Let's not cross that line
(That line)

I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't wanna have to try
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
Cause I don't want to fight no more

Remember that I made a vow that I would never let you go
I meant it then I mean it now and I want to tell you so

I don't wanna fight no more
(oh no)
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you

I don't wanna have to try
(no)
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
(can we start)
Cause I don't want to fight
No more

I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
(oh and this loneliness)
And this loneliness that's in my heart
(in my heart)
Won't let me be apart from you
(from you, no)
I don't wanna have to try
(don't wanna try)
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
(I'm hoping, I'm hoping yeah)
Cause I don't want to fight
No more

So alone without you, without you

By : WESTLIFE

Addictive

2007-08-05T14:39:00.000+07:00

I have become one of those people who are so crazy about thier love ones!

It was so not nice seeing people doing that.

Well, I kinna get it now why being in a relationship makes you that way.

It is so nice and so wonderful. It feels like cherry blossoms and butterflies and that's how high I am now.

I hope the feelings stay for some time, cause I found out it's not that bad at all to fall.

It's got even better when you know someone will be there to catch you.

Bye bye for now.

From Happy Amy

The New World

2007-07-30T15:34:00.000+07:00

We broke up a week ago and got back together a day after that.
And today is a new day for me.
It's been 27 years and today it's different.
I don't even know how I really feel at the moment.
It's just sort of relief in a way being able to go through with it.

I don't know what will happen after this.
I just don't care...really I don't.
It happened because I wanted it to happen.
What comes next is in the hands of God now.
Still I hope I will be out of here before shits hit the fan.

Welcome to the new world LADY!
Amy

My Old Post

2007-07-20T18:46:00.000+07:00

Back in the day, I wrote pretty nice thing about being single and how I liked it.
I went back and spent a few minutes reading that.
And man...I miss being an old hag. I do dude!

It was easier back then...my life.
I walked freely, had enough sleep and didn't have to give a shit about anything.
Now I share this guy with a not-so-cute-woman, though he kinna dig me, it starts to bug me a bit.
The fact that he is trying to control me is far worse than him being taken.
I'm man enough to admit that he belongs to someone else.
It doesn't bother me that much. I kinna like it when he is with her.
I need spaces...lots of spaces and he won't give me that unless his girl is near.

I thought we're like 2 kids hanging out, having fun but not fot this guy.
He takes everything seriously and try to make me his dream girl.
I mean why do I, Amy, have to take care of someone's feelings?
I mean I'm the Queen(Drama Queen,) people should spoil me.
That's the way things were for the past 26 years. And I enjoyed that!!

I have to sort of tone myself down a bit just to make sure being me won't bother the guy so much.
He is not supposed to be that whining. I thought I chose the right guy.
After all this relationship is about helping me become a secure and mature lady.
Why would I bother hanging out with someone equally emotionally retarded?
He should be my solid ground not the other way around.

Anyhow, it's just something I would like to share with you after a long pause.
I just don't know how to put these things here.
It's WAY too hard, too complicated trying to tell you guys about this.
Well, Gotta go now. I'll see you later then.

Be Well!
Amy
Link to the Old Post: http://amyamp.blogspot.com/2005_11_01_archive.html

This is Amy

2007-07-06T17:10:00.000+07:00

Hey!

Long time no see.
How are things?
I'm good...
Well, let just put things this way...
Hmm I'm kinna in a so-called relationship currently.
Promise I will come back to tell you more on this later.

Later!
Amy =)

I'm Back on My Feet

2007-06-20T21:04:00.000+07:00

OK, Folks!

Now I'm back on my feet and so ready to castrate any jerks who come my way.
And I mean it.

I was WAY too emotional for weeks and it was not me.
Thinking about how I behave the past few weeks made me sick to my stomach.
It was so humiliating to tell the world that I was falling.
I am sure now, I'm not anywhere near the 'L' word.

That guy is a jerk. He really is.
He has a wife whom he loves SooooOOOOoo very much.
Still he tries to charm all kinds of female species ever walked the earth.
I feel so cheap to even think a guy like that can make me fall. >=(

Amy, from now on, aim high, shoot high.
Don't ever let any random guys bring you down.
Be toughed and focused!
Remember, Joe's Dad is waiting.

Amy
The Fighter

P.S. Well, there are many suckers around me right now. They try so hard to ask me out, to get into my room...and all of them try very hard to get into my pants! As if I'm gonna let them win. I warn you, bitchy Amy is coming out again. Keep mess up with me, they'll see how scary I can be!!!

Obsessed

2007-06-13T19:56:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

Remember the guy from my previous blog?
I put on his wedding ring yesterday and it fit me perfectly.

No no no nothing happened between us YET...
It's just I asked him why his wedding ring was on his right hand.
He took it off and said it was too big for his left hand.
I asked him if I could see the ring.
He gave it to me. I was about to put it in my finger but I stopped.
He said 'Try it on, I don't mind.'
And I did...it felt so good.

I won't give a damn about anything now.
If he falls for me, I'll jump right in.
Whatever happens is a part of the plan.
Things happen for reasons, right?
Maybe this is the reason why God puts me here in the first place.
Who knows?

With Love

Amy
(Obsessed girl who won't take responsible for anything)

Love

2007-06-06T16:25:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger,

I have been trying so hard not to admit something.
I told people I didn't give a tiny rat ass about love and relationship.
I lied. I DO give shit about love in a big way to be exact.
It just scares me to let myself fall because as we all know falling is not a pleasant thing.
So I built this tall and strong wall just to shut everyone up.
I even have the list of IDEAL guy which I add more and more qualities everyday.
All I want is to make sure I won't fall for anyone so easily.

Around a month ago, my sister told me she watched Practical Magic.
(The wry, comic romantic tale follows the Owens sisters, Sally and Gillian, as they struggle to use their hereditary gift for practical magic to overcome the obstacles in discovering true love. From www.imdb.com)
I look at my life and sometimes feel like I'm one of the sisters in that movie.
Sally Owen, the older sister cast this spell so she won't fall in love with any random guys.

Young Sally Owens: He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.
Young Gillian Owens: What are you doing?
Young Sally Owens: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air. He'll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye and one blue.
Young Gillian Owens: Thought you never wanted to fall in love.
Young Sally Owens: That's the point. The guy I dreamed of doesn't exist. And if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart.

I did the same thing.
I even prayed from time to time asking God to shut my heart completely.
You know what happen?
It turns to be some kind of a curse on me.
I'm so afraid to get intimate, to let someone in and so afraid to fall in love.
Every time I feel that a certain guy I hang out with has the potential to make me fall, I run away.
It is crazy right? I have LOVE PHOBIA..
The fact that being in love scares the hell out of me indicates that.

Then around a week ago something happened, thing that is about to change my life completely.
That evening, I was working at the bar with this guy, another woman’s hubbie, and also with my boss.
(The hubbie was everything I didn’t like in guys, hates Liverpool FC, smoking a lot, not nice teeth, so thin, average height, not so romantic, non-Caucasian and married!)
Anyhow, I was so bored with X and Horny incident and decided to become a nun or at least to stay away from love for as long as I could.
My boss said no Amy what a waste! You might think it’s so bored and you’re so sick of love but your heart is another thing. You can’t control it.

After that I spent some nights thinking about that speech and the truth hit me very very very hard.
It’s true…no matter how hard you try, your heart will beat with its own drum and it won’t listen to you.
And I discovered something then, I am falling.
Against all the rules and lists I have, I’m falling for a guy who has absolutely nothing compares to the IDEAL guy at all.
There I was sitting in my room, speechless and so shocked.

I talk to my baby Joe about this and he said things happened for a reason.
If I were to fall for this guy, then let’s fall.
Maybe he would be the one who helps me destroy the wall I built a long time ago.
He might be the one to help me overcome my fear.
I honestly don’t know what would happen after this.
It scares me so much just to think about it.
Hope whatever happens will somehow make me realize that falling isn’t that bad after all.
I might as well enjoy the ride and I might as well become more emotionally stable for Joe’s sake.
I will be very careful with it. As Gillian, the other sister in Practical Magic, said…
Gillian Owens: You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast?
Antonia Owens: She does it all the time.
Gillian Owens: She does? Well, that's what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can't see what's happening to the people around you. You can't see that you're about to fall.

I will come back to tell you more on this. And maybe, just maybe, the next time we meet I will be almost normal.
Who knows? Don’t you think?

With Love
Amy

Horny Guy

2007-06-01T20:47:00.000+07:00

Hey you!

How are things?
Where were we the last time? Yeah, I remember now. We were talking about X, right?
This time I'll tell you another story about another guy, a very horny guy.
I'll call him Horny then.

Remember a guy who had a dream about me naked? That's Horny.
He WAS a nice boy. He had a very adorable girlfriend.
I don't give a damn about their relationship.
I think, they had plan to move to the new Four Seasons together.
However, Horny didn't make the cut so only his girl moved to the new branch.

Well, that dream of me happened a month ago, just a week after the girl left.
I thought it was funny and harmless. I was flattered a bit at one point.
Anyhow, the kid started to scare me more and more each day.
The thing was I called him once to borrow some movies.
He went to my room that evening and asked if I could help him find some songs.
I thought it was nothing.
I had hundred of songs and didn't mind sharing them with people.
And he started to call me, sent text messages and knocked on my door every night.
It was cool at first. Then he started to talk about moving in together.
I thought he was kidding.I was so stupid.
He really meant what he said.

The freakiest night was three night ago.
I had really bad day at work and really really needed to get drunk.
(I promised I would tell you about the get drunk story here. It's related to the next guy on my list. Please wait and see.)
There was this farewell party at staff apartment that evening.
I went there for like ten minutes and found no fun.
Horny was also there and was thrilled to see me.
I believed he was upset to see me leave so early.
After that I went to a bar with my friend and got so drunk.
I went back to my room at around 10 PM.
Horny called a few minutes after I got back.
I told him not to come cause I was too drunk.
He was drunk also and said we should be drunk together!!! Grose!!!

And yes he came to my room. I tried to kicked him out.
He was so strong and managed to open the door.
He said he wanted new songs.
I was kinna scared but at the same time so sure I would be able to handle him.
He showed many many pictures of me he kept in his cell phone.
He got them from sport day at the camp.
He even tried to take my picture while I was downloading those songs for him.
After he got his songs, I told him to leave.
He said no and would spent a night in my room.
At that point I was shaking. My brain was working so hard trying to get rid of him.
I wanted kick myself to let thing got this far.

Then there was a phone call, a voice of heaven, from my faourite girl in the world, my heroine...Horny's Girlfriend.
She missed him, I think. She called to see if he's alright.
That was my chance so I started to talk so loud that he had to get out of my room.
I went out as well, hoping to put thing straight.
He was talking with his girlfriend and tried very hard not to tell her about his behaviour.
After hung up, he told me he forgot something in my room and needed to get it back or he would stand there all night.
So I opened the door and let him looked for that damn thing.
Of course, I refused to get back into my room while he still in there.
He spent 5 minutes or so in my room while I was standing outside.
The alcohol I had started to kick in then.
I felt so sick and needed to go to bed so I told Horny to get out of my room, go see his girlfriend and stop bothering me.
I even said your girlfriend would be crushed to see you like this.
It worked!!! He said ok I'm going back now.
Still he tried to touch me before he left...you damn Horny bastard!!

He knocked on my door again last night and made really loud noise all night trying to lure me out.
I didn't fall for that no more. He is WAY too horny and too dangerous for me.
Well, as the matter of fact, he is making loud noise and yelling something just a few steps outside my room at this very moment!

Girls read and learn...don't put yourself in a risky situation.
Guys are not to be trusted.
Even a nice and harmless boy turns out to be a devil once they get horny.
Be careful, you might not be as lucky as I am.
I will be super extra careful about him from now on.
He is about to resign from the camp in two weeks.
The day he packs all his belongings and goes will be one of the nicest days I have here.
Wish me luck. I have been saving myself for the past 27 years and more than happy to stay this way.
Yet, another long story to share.
Please come back for next post. It's the one that I need to tell you guys so badly.

For now, Good Day and Good Night!
Amy =)

P.S. Have I ever met any nice guys who don't turn out to be monster?
Hmm...I think Now, Saritnum, Tor, Benze from Kingsmill are a few of good guys I'm lucky enough to be friends with.
Thanks you guys for being nice and sincere and be my friends!

Psyco Ex, Horny Guy, Another Woman's Hubbie and Me!

2007-05-30T08:22:00.000+07:00

Dear Bloggers,

Have you ever felt like you are so darn attractive and talking to the opposite sex always causes you trouble?
Joking about love stuff all the time with guys I know would never fall for me.
I call many many of my guy friends darling, honey or sweetheart all the time cause it's so funny.
Never had problem with that before.
Never thought it would bite me in the ass, but it started to these days.

I think some girls will be sOOo happy to have this kind of thing happens around them.
It's like compliment in a way, you know.
It means you have a certain amount of cuteness that causes the above problem.
Not really like that. It gives me headache and nightmares from time to time.

Anyhow, I will start these messy thing with my psycho ex.
I will refer to him as X then.
Talking about X, for me, is like watching History Channel.
I was 17 when we were a pair.It lasted for a few months before I decided to call it a quit.
I am 27 now. You do the math!
He started to go crazy on me around a month ago after 4-5 years of no contact whatsoever.
He called and asked many questions, tried to catch up with my life after graduation.
Suddenly, out of the blue, he asked me to married him.
I thought he was joking. I was so wrong. He was not kidding!
He asked me three times that day if it would be ok for us to get married.
He even said he would kidnapped me from my room if he had to.
Of course I said NOooo! Even if he kidnap me the answer would still be NO.
I bet I told him I knew it in my heart that I meant to be with foreign gentleman (either James Blake or My Paul!)
He was kinna upset about that. WHAT THE FUCK!

I know it right then, something really wrong happened. He had brain damage.
I knew for sure. What would be a reasonable explanation for his action.
He left a very secure CAREER with Giant Japanese car company to open a grocery.
He called me after a decade to propose and got angry to hear that I was not gonna married him. If that's not crazy, then what it was?

Well, that was not all. He called me once again last week to argue with me.
He said all the things that I never imagined I would hear from a nice boy I used to date. Let's see the conversation below:

Amy: I will go to either Canada or England to study and will look for a job there.
X: To look for husband? (Amy: Fuck YOu!!!)

Amy: I don't like fair complexion it makes people look weak.
X: You just said that cause you have brown skin, right?

Amy: I am a different person now. I'm not that 17-year-old girl you used to date no more. I have seen so many things, been to many places and my life perspective has changed. And I know I can be on my own now without help from any guys.
X: Yeah, right!

So I told him to stop calling me if he wanted nothing but saying shit about my life. He knew I was mad so he said good bye then hung up.
That's psycho number one. I feel sad actually, to see how life treats someone and turns a nice, sincere boy to a psycho monster.
All I can do is hope he would stop being a dick and realize how great he was.

Wow! what a long story...don't think we have enough space to tell you about other guys today.
I'll come back some time to tell you about those guys then.

With Love
Amy

Dear Koppers

2007-05-27T10:59:00.000+07:00

Well, we saw what happened that day...
All I have to say is "Inzaghi, you are so DEAD!"

Amy >=O

So Cited!

2007-05-23T20:23:00.000+07:00

Dear Bloggers

In only 5 hours, my Liverpool will make yet history again.
I only hope I would shed a happy tear tonight.

I talk about football eagerly all the time.
I just love the game so much since I was in junior high.
It's been thirteen years already.

Many people think it's unusual for girls to like football.
Some say girls only like football because of football players look!
That's insulting! Some girls do like football for the fact that it's one of the most amazing sport games to watch. (such as ME!)

Well, basically, this is just me dropping by to make sure you will help me pray on this one.
I'll catch up with you guys later.

Good Luck Koppers!
Amy

My Wish List

2007-05-15T17:32:00.000+07:00

Dear All..

It's kinna crazy but I'm gonna put list of songs that I'm desperately seeking for a long long time to complete my Amy Favourite.
I've got many many songs so far esp. from Multiply members.
Thank you you guys!!! Kiss Kiss!!! Love Ya!
Then now I'm addicted to it and want more and more songs.
And hope that putting wish list here might help me get those songs.
(Dirct link please or http://amyamp.multiply.com)

I love you came to late : Joey McIntyre
I'll be waiting : Brother to Brother
Where you are : Rahsaan Patterson
If You Walk Away : Peter Cox
All I Want : Sky (or any song)
Once in a Blue Moon : Sydney Forest
Forever With You : Portrait
Shy Girl : O Town
With Every Beat of My Heart : Dear Mom
To Stay : Breeze
Let this love begins : Caught In The Act

If anyone can help me find these songs..will be really really appreciate it.

Thanks In Advance!!!!

Amy

P.S. There will be more to come I'm sure!

Never Been More True

2007-05-08T21:40:00.000+07:00

Please forgive me...

I am talking, complaining, yalbing WAY too much about my plan to get out of this God forsaken place.
(I think it's the perfect name to call a place where you can see dead bodies floating along the river once in a while.)
I'm gonna stop complaining now...with my co-workers at least.
Most of them are not to be trusted. It's dog eats dog world here.
And it's definately not a place for a blunt girl like me.

Anyhow, I was sent to the pier a few hours ago.
It was so dark and so dangerous to escort some of the VERYYYYYYY VIP complimentary guests.(AKA stay at the-5-star for free cause they are travel magazine writers. That's another reason I want to be a famous writer!)
It was against all the border laws and I could get shot easily by Burmese soldiers to use international river after 6 PM.
However, my camp manager did not give a damn.
All he said was it's important for these guests to check in by boat!!!
What the FUCK!! What about my life then? Is it worth anything at all?
Guess we know the answer very well, right?
(Well, to be fare, at least he showed his responsibility by going to the sacary pier with us but that's not really helping.)

Well, I talked to one of a few people here that I trust about the shit.
She told me if I woke up and hated to come to work so much, I needed to stop whining and started to look for jobs elsewhere.
Looing for job elsewhere seems so easy but that's the problem my friends.
There are no jobs elsewhere for me at the moment.
This particular job I'm doing is finacially nice...you know.
And the fact that I can't find other jobs that are equally financially rewarding is killing me, slowly.
That's the cause of all my sicknesses...physically and mentally.
(eyes infection, migrane, stomach ache, skin allegy, tooth decay, home sickness, unhappiness waves that hit me again and agian etc.)

I am so bored of this thing, still can't seem to go nowhere.
I'm just...stuck. I need to shut down my brain quick, in order to protect myself.
If I do that I might at least find peace at night and smile when I wake up.
It will be a terrible time I know for sure.
It will be a very very terrible thing to endure but I have to deal with it.
I will send even more applications to many many places in the world where I can be truly happy with my life.
I will send applications to all the places that will cost me fortune just to apply.
I will send applications to UK, USA, Australia..esp. USA so I can live a freedom life once again.
Hope I will find my way out of this whole thing eventually.
Hope it won't be too long to find the way out.

Wish me luck you guys...that's what I really really need now.

Thanks!

Amy

P.S. Tiny thing that put a tiny smile on my face. There is this young guy who had a dream about me...naked!! Should I puke or should I smile and be flattered. It's kinna grose right? By the way, he is kinna 'almost' cute.

I'm Pathetic...Literally!

2007-05-02T14:49:00.000+07:00

To whom it may concern...

I think I'm about to lose my mind.
I had love relate dreams for three night in a role.
It was so real and I was kinna enjoy being in a relationship.
I had adream about very beautiful white flowers for wedding.
I also had dream about being someone girlfriend.
Then last night I went on a date with some guy I don't even remember.
Well, I was so into him. As far as I remember, he is really really gorgeous.

Guess I was single for too long and my head started to play tricks on me.
It happens to other people too..I think.
When you want something and you have been waiting for that thing for too long, in order to make you happy again, your brain will sort of create the surreal perfect world to satisfy you.
Kinna make sense isn't it.
I think it Freudism...you know Sigmund Freud.
(Do I spell his name correctly? What the heck!)

OK, what I'm ganna do now is to just go out there and get myself a boyfriend.
Yeah! I think I'm gonna do that.
I will be in the couplehood soon.
I think!!!??

Well, let's wait and see.
Amy

Amy and The Camp

2007-05-02T14:45:00.000+07:00

Hey!

Here are some pics of me being the guest at the Tented Camp.
Cheers!

Amp

More of the camp pics at my multiply...
http://amyamp.multiply.com/

Pics from Phuket

2007-04-21T20:43:00.000+07:00

Well...I was kicked out of the airlines interview!
End of story...
However, I have some picture to share here.
Enjoy!

Amp =)

Back from the battlefield

2007-04-15T13:24:00.000+07:00

Now What!

I just got fucked! Not FUCK but fuck...you know what let's start the shit again.
I just got brutally ruined my travelling-the-world butget by Qatar Airways.

Well, They invited me to Phuket for an interview which turned out to be a minor disaster.
I was kicked out of the room with the weight issue.
I mean that is like the suckiest reason ever.
I got high score from English test, I'm positive on that one.
As the matter of fact, I finished that test in about 10 minutes!
But no...that not good enough...if you are chubby or have fat in your body whatsoever, you will be kicked out!

Well, I'm disappointed of course and so sad to spend so much money for the trip that is compleately ruin my Disney Land plan.
And it hit me very hard...I think this is one reason out of hundreds other reasons why many girls nad ladies starve themself, risking their life just to be thin.
I think the world has to work harder to fight the "To be Beautiful you have to be thin and being thin only is the key to success in many life perspective."
I'm not saying this because I'm fat. I'm not fat and don't look fat besides 167 cms tall with 57 kgs is not fat.
That why I'm so worry about this. I need stick-figure to be accepted.
I did try that and it almost caused me my life so no more, not again.
Guess I have to find the back-up plan, right, to be Traveling The World as I wish.
Think I'm kinna find that plan already but it is an expensive one and I need a lot of money for that.
Well, I think we have to wait and see and find more back-up plans in case this one fell again.

So To be contined...

Amy

The New Hope

2007-03-28T20:29:00.000+07:00

Dear dear...

Another oppotunity for me to screwed up...I'm going to Phuket next month for Qatar interview.
It sacares the shit out of me cause it will cost me so much to get there.
Then again I need to be brave and go for it.
The person who is too sacred to start will never get out of here.
(That what John said back when I was working at The Three Rocks.)
I'll go to Phuket even if I fail, this trip would be the vacation I desperately need.

Now, let me take you back to last week when I got really angry with pretty much everything and kinna lock myself up in my own rage.
I was mad at Dad, at my never-ending shitty sucky unlucky life and of course I was mad as God too.
I stopped all forms of communication with my family.
I stopped calling Mom and turned my mobiles off for days and days just to let them know I was mad as hell.
It worked...Mom said she tried to call me but never got through.
Dad said I stopped call him after I got the laptop...why would I call him?
There is nothing good about calling my Dad these days.
There is nothing but things he said that will hurts my feeligs.

Then today I saw a postcard sending from my sister telling story about my cat which I just had a dream about last night.
Suddenly it hit me...I was so lonely without them. (Not my Dad though!)
No matter how disfunctional they are...I still need them badly.
They are a part of me and always will be.
That makes it impossible for me to just shut them out.
So I decided to call my Mom and cried my eyes out.
Mom said she was to come to see me.
She told me to be patient with God.
He always had his plan for us...even the shitty one like mine.
(Guess He thinks the plan He has for me is the best one.)
Come on God, bet you can do better than this!

Anyhow, I'm not completely ready to make nice quite yet.
But I'll stop being Too angry and start putting all my energy on how to get myself out of here asap.
I'm not gonna wait around for some princes in white horse with shiny armer.
I'll go the distance myself and hope that God will really listen to my prayer and give me what I NEED and WANT, not something He THINKS is good for me.
Here it is my confession. As always hope you guys have better life out there.

Good life folkS!

Amy

Four Wedding (s)!

2007-03-17T11:27:00.000+07:00

Dear Bloggers

First thing first, let me clarify something here...none of the wedding(s)is
"My Wedding!"

It's been a month since the last time I was here.
Nothing changed much though...except one thing...my old friend got married.
It kinna ruin my vacation plan a bit, you know, to go to the wedding.
My original plan was to go home after Songkran but I had to change that plan and as you know I'm not good at adjusting my strict schedule!
Then again, I really wanted to be there for her.
I really wanted to meet all my old friends back from high school (and see how life treated us so far.)
I'm so glad I did change my vacation plan and attended the wedding.

It just like one of so many "suburb" wedding which is totally not what I wanted for myself...(If I ever had a chance to marry at all!)
Very loud country music with heavy make-up almost naked singer/dancers, boosts, guests who wear whatever they feel like and you know...all those stuff.
Still my friend looked so beautiful in her traditional Thai style wedding dress.
I could see in her eyes she was so happy so did the groom.
I think the wedding ceremony is, afterall, just for friends and families of the couple to come and eat and drink and get drunk or something along the line.
For the couple...none of those matters to them.
All they want is each other. I mean...for me it's sappy and kinna grose but for people who are deeply in love, it's true...all they need is each other.

The thing is I really don't know how someone falls so deeply in love like that.
I don't know how love make someone so beautiful and happy.
It's just one of the never-ending puzzle for me.
And I might never figure out how love can just softly change your life completly.
Well, guesss I'm gonna have to wait for that?
Cause the last time I checked...it took another 3 years for me to find The One...
DAMN!!!

Amy

Post Valentine's Report

2007-02-18T21:26:00.000+07:00

To whom it may concern...

This is my so-call post Valentine's Day report of 2007.
Here it goes...
1.) One of my old time friend Sirinun is to be married next month and I'll be thin and will surely be there. Also two couples here at The Camp got married..not really wedding ceremony thing. They just made their living together official by signing some paper saying I'm Mrs. this and that. You know!

Personally I don't agree with that kind of thing. I want a beautiful wedding ceremony, with wedding gown, flowers, cake, music, first dance as Mr. and Mrs. such and such. All the sappy things...I do need that when my wedding day comes. (I pray it will come!)

2.) My sis has left her young boyfriend and spent most of her last weeks crying and complaining at God as usual. (She felt better now and got back to the right way..to God's way again. She even prayed for love and said I won't be disobedient this time.)

3.) I had my very first UFO experience one day after V Day. He was like..'swimimg' so close to the boat I was on and...ooh..sir and madam, it was so not nice. (UFO here means Unidentified Floating Object AKA dead body in the river.) I thought I would be so terrified so frak out but I was not. All I felt was...sad. I saw dead dog, dead cow, dead pig, dead cat, dead bird, dead chicken and dead fish in the river but dead man? I mean how life can be so worthless for some people? He should had proper funeral not just got killed somehow and throw into the river like that. It made me blue. What a Valentine's celebration!

4.) I got a great chance to come and stay at The Camp around next week or teo. Just one night here as a guest. I'll sure take lots of pictures and will surely post some of them here!!!!

5.) I survive probation period. Yeah!!! Just wait to sign the paper and I'll be a full time employee here.

6.) I'm so sick of telling, making up story about my Steve. It really kills me these days. I think I'll end it soon before it gets out of hands. Wish me luck!

7.) I'm fat again...DAMN!!!!!

8.) Last but not least, I'm STILL single!

There thet are my Post Valentine's Day report.
Love you as always...

Amp =)

Graduation Day

2007-01-28T19:55:00.000+07:00

My Work Place

2007-01-26T20:18:00.000+07:00

Hello!

I have been having this irritating headache since yesterday.
It's really really bugging me too much.
Well, as promised, I posting some pics of my work place for you guys to see.
Enjoy!

Amy =)

HP and cute Boys for Amy The Old Mate!

2007-01-21T19:07:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger...

I got it!
I got my very own laptop.
It's HP and it's sooo darn nice.
I even got my own internet access from my apartment.
It's rather slow but you know it's better than nothing.

OK, subject change, now we're about to share favourite topics...cute guys.
Yes, I have met some oooh sooo darn cute guys.
The thing is I went home for my sis garduation day.
And college boys were so DARN CUTE!
I mean it. They weren't as cute when we were studying.
They are cuter these days.
I probably found like at least 5 cute boys.
I even fell in love with one of those boys.
He wore brown shirt with jeans...or so. I didn't remember his pants.
Anyhow, I called him my soulmate. I hope he realized that!
He kinna like me, at least that what I believe!
Well' he looked at me and smiled.
I looked nice that day maybe he was smiling at me and called me his soulmate too.
You'll never know, correct?

Moerover, I even met one Oooh soOoo cute guy here at the Tented Camp.
How weird!!!??!!
His name is TAU. He is an assistant photographer from Baan Lae Saun magazine.
He didn't like me, this one I'm sure.
He came with his team and one of them is his GF.
The hell with that!
Cute guys are like food for the soul...especially for an old mate like myself.

Well, the good thing about that whole situation is I got to meet cute guys when I'm least expected.
Maybe, Ohhh maybe...my luck in love is about to change for better?
I hope so...Is this like a sign saying,
"Hey! Joe's Dad is coming. keep your eyes open!"
That's would be really, I mean really really nice.

By the way, I'll post some pics from my sis graduation day here later.
So you can see with your own eyes how nice I looked that day!! =)

Love...I'm ready!
Amy

P.S. I saw her, fat one's GF. She is not that good looking. And I'm serious!!!

Just Drop By...

2007-01-14T19:44:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger...

I'm taking 4 days off starts tomorrow.
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!
I'll be in Chiang Mai, of course, spending some quality time with my F&F.
I even have plan to visit my old beloved company...The Three Rocks!
Really want to know how they would react when they see me!
It sounds like fun just to think about that.

Anyhow, I'm kinna hope to see some of my old friends on this visit.
Since it's my sister's graduation day and I'll be spending the whole day at CMU.
List of people i expect to see there...Nang Ying,PePe and PK, if I'm lucky.
I'll keep my fingers cross for that.

Well, That's all for now.
I'll drop by and share some more stories later.
Cheers!

Amy

New Year 2007

2007-01-03T13:07:00.000+07:00

Dear All...

How are you guys this year?
I bet you are happy tooo happy to get up to work on time. Am I right?
Me...well, I was attacked by an elephant, literally!
It happened yesterday, only one day after new year.

There are 3 baby elephants that come to the resort every morning to play with guests.
When I say baby elephants, they are not as small as kittens or puppies.
The babies weight as much as a cow or water buffalo...2-3 hundreds kilos to be exact.
Anyhow, they love peanuts so much especially the youngest one, Ta-Wan.
He always tries to eat all the peanuts by himself without sharing with others.
And there came my sucky, unlucky morning...
One of the guest (who loves elephants so much)grabed some peanuts for the elephants.
I was with her cause she wanted me to do her some favour.
While I was talking to her, she gave peanuts to Ta-Wan.
The little voice in my head suddenly told me to hold peanuts bowl for her cause Ta-Wan might attacked her somehow.
And I did hold the bowl for her...3 seconds after that the elephant ran to me and hit me with his tusk.
There was this vision of an unlucky mahout who got stomped and killed by his own elephant appeared in my head...and man...it was freaking scary.
Next thing I know lots of people were screaming and I was on the muddy ground.

The BEST thing happened after that...none of my so-call colleague gave a shit about me.
Even the guest said 'It's better you than me cause you would be in trouble for that.' since I was the one standing next to her.
(She hugged me at one point and said I saved her life. And it was kinna nice.)
Only a few people asked me what happened and was I ok.
My fellow camphosts and my boss...no comment on the incident whatsoever.
Only 2 gardeners, mahouts, P Tiger, P Vee, P Tee, P Mon, P Bo, P Lah and the guests that were there really agve a damn about me.
I mean there are around 100 people there only 10% of them really care about my life.

That's when I realized...my life, my safety meant nothing to most people here at all.
I saw how crazy these people were when one of the guest sprained his ankle.
When the same thing happened to staff, they didn't care at all.
That's when I started to tell them...my leg was way too painful to work, to walk up the hill and down the pier.
And that's when they started to ask me if I needed a doctor or anything.
They were afraid I might got hurt and they would have to pay for the hospital bills!
What a nice company!!!!
So I asked to leave early yesterday around 2 hours before the end of my shift or they would make me walk up to the hill for sure.
As if I was gonna let them treat me like that!
They messed up with the wrong girl...
Continue treat me like my life mean nothing, I will show you my bad side and you will be so sorry you ever hurt me.

After the whole fiasco I got to the apartment.
I was ok that afternoon but I got fever later in the evening and it was tooo much for me to endure so I cried and cried and cried my eyes out.
I was so mad at God for dragging me here.
I even called out for my Joe but he didn't come and I was so disappointed.
It was one of the worst time of my life, I really mean it.

Later on that night my grandma came to me in my dream.
She looked so happy and healthy...I really miss her.
I think she wanted to help me get through that night.
I woke up this morning feeling not so sick, angry, sad, or disappointed.
Then Joe came and told me to be patient, very patient no matter how gloomy the days seemed.
There were good reasons that God led me here.
My luck would change before July 2007.

I will trust him on that again...one more time.
If nothing good happen when I turn 27, I'll let Joey go.
But for now I'll hold on to him and the bright and fulfilled life he keeps telling me.
I'll wait for that...
I won't give up on that yet.
Sorry to put irritating story on new year.
I'll try to find better, happier, funnier story to share next time.

Happy New Year guys!
Amy

It's Cold and Crazy!

2006-12-22T19:37:00.000+07:00

Hello!

It's been awhile...
I've returned from my home a few days ago.
Got back to work yesterday. It was ok.
There was one change here lately. It's the temp.
The temp is dropping so fast. It was so darn cold here these days.
It's was arond 9 degrees celcius this morning.
The worst part is people keep telling me it will get colder and colder each day!
I hate to work in the cold..really hate that.

Anyway, my boss Mr. JMF decided not to celebrate Christmas at the camp because you know he just has to go somewhere partying.
Again no proper Christmas Celebration for Christian Amy. =( SAD SAD SAD
However, on Dec 30 and 31 and also New Year will be sooooOooo freaking busi for us at Tented Camp.
We will have 1 wedding ceremony and countdown to New Year....I don't even want to imagine how crazy it will be on those days.
Well, guess I have to go now.
It's way tooo cold for me to type.

Love Love Love
Amy

Pictures

2006-12-15T19:19:00.000+07:00

Hi!

Well, I have a confession to make.
I was kinna almost fall for fat guy again after that dreams thing.
(Incase you want to know, I had a dream about fat chinese boy. He was so cute and for some reasons I felt so sad for him. I didnt remember what happened to the boy, All I knew was I felt so sad for him somehow. Hope that cute fat boy was not that Fugly Fat Guy! Right? If that was him when he was younger...I would scream right now. I'm serious!)

Back to the subject, I was soOoo close to fall for him again.
Who am I kidding! I did fall for him again, already.
I counted white birds, butterflies and stuff just to make sure if I could find 100 white birds or 10 colorful butterflies in 10 minutes, he would crawl back into my life once again. How pathetic!

Anyway, a mutual friend of us (Fat Guy and Me) sent some pictures of her in Singapore for me to see.
Of course, Fat Guy happened to be in some of those pictures.
And thank God for that cause he looked plain.
Instead of jumping up and down,acting all crazy about him...I felt almost nothing.
He was cuter in my memories, or at least that's what I believed.
It was loneliness that ruined my sight and made him looked cuter than he really was.
I'm so glad I saw those pictures of him.
It will help me cut him off quicker than I ever thought.
And no I won't show you those pictures.
It's WAY tooooOooo embarrasing!

By the way, It's been a good day for me so far.
I only got 3 and a half hours to work before my 5 days off.
Can't Wait!!!!!

Amy =)

Nightmares/Fighter

2006-12-10T22:54:00.000+07:00

Well, well, well...Howdy?
I'm so far so good...really nothing to complain lately.
First thing first, I'll be home soon...sadly it's not gonna be on Christmas.
I ask God to bring me home for Christmas but He didn't do that.
Guess He has another plan for me during that time.
(I'll be home on 17-21 December…in case you want too know.)

Next, I'm gonna tell you a rather weird and tiny bit spooky story.
(I even believe the whole thing was done by black magic or witchy spell of some kind!)

Before I start, let me ask you this...Have you ever had a dream about a certain person at different circumstances yet in chronological order for several nights in a row?
I did. It started 3 nights ago.
And it was about a certain guy...FAT GUY or the guy I used to call my belly monster. Yes, I had 3 dreams with him in them, 3 nights in a row. How Freaky!
I'm so scared he might barge back into my dream again tonight.
It scares me so much to dream about him especially when I haven't think about him that much anymore.
In some sub-conscious level, he still has influence on me, I suppose. That’s not nice at all!!!

It's about time to go into some details about those dreams, shall we?

Dec/8 First Dream: It was about US flirting like we did before the brain damage phase.
We were so happy exchanging flirty conversations.
I called this the Sugar Rush phase.
Why? Because he was my sugar rush, I’m serious.
I got goose bum just thinking about him, his flat ugly voice, big belly and his smiles.
I really thought we got something good going on but as you can see, I was so wrong!

Dec/9 Second Dream: This time it was a little bit real, I think.
It was about him changing, becoming a completely different person.
He started to ignore me and I was so upset about those changes.
I was sad then mad and finally realized I was wrong about this guy.
This phase is called the “Jerk” phase. The phase when his brain started to work strangely and brain check is so needed.

The third one, the one I just had last night (Dec/10):
This one I remember so clearly.
I was riding in front of a car with my old friend from primary school whom I never talked with after graduation.
The driver, I did not see who he was, told me we had a few people with us sitting in the back seat.
“You will be surprise to see who it is.”
I remembered feeling so scared and praying hard…NOT Him…Not fat guy…
Then, there he was smiling at me wearing this ridiculously cute pink polo shirt, sitting next to a guy I had never met before.
The minute I got out of the car, I walked away.
I just didn’t want to talk to him. I was so mad at him for his stupid lies and all. I was sitting somewhere minding my own business when he started to creep in close me and said something.
I didn’t hear what he said but it was sorry for what I did kinna thing.
He wanted me back. That’s what I felt and I wanted him to want me back so bad.
Suddenly I woke up from that nightmare…

I was 2 minutes away from letting him crawl back into my life and drag me down to the pathetic phase again. He is evil, even in my dream.
He wanted nothing but to play with my head and get into my…I bet you know where.
I need to get him out of my system real quick for my own good.
He is WAY too dangerous for me. The good thing about all this is I will never see him again in reality.
Let him come into my dreams. He could take nothing from me in dream land.
I’ll fight hard to get him out of my world once and for all.
He doesn’t worth my time anyway!!!

Thanx for making me a Fighter!
Amy =)

I'll be Home for Chrismas

2006-12-01T20:27:00.000+07:00

Dear Dear Dear

Hi! HO!
I think I'll be home this Chrismas.
Well, at least that's what I hope and pray for so often lately.
Chrismas has always been my favourite holiday since I was so young.
I was dying to celebrate Christmas every year for so long.
I could have had that chance last year but you know Grams funeral...too sad to bring it up again, Sorry!
The thing is I always believe that if God really wants me and my family to be with Him, He should bring us home together celebrating Christmas like the rest of Christians do.
I mean that's the least He can do for us, right?
We'll have to wait and see on that one.

Anyhow, I recieved a phone call a few days ago.
They wanted me to go for a job interview...at Mentor language school.
I was so happy...I was so ready to go there and walk out of this chitty place.
Then I talked to Joey, my boy, and I realized that I must stay here.
It's a part of the plan. I have to stay for B and my future.
I can't just walk out of here...not yet.
Joey told me to wait patiently for things to happened.
And that what I would do!

In less than a year B will come.
In about a year I'll be out of here, gracefully.
In 2 years and 11 months Joey will arrive.

I have to wait for my life to begin.
I never thought life would start here but if Joey said it could then it would.
Afterall, if He gets me to this, He will get me through this.

Gotta go now baby,
Nighty Night!

Amy =)
(smiling tonightand for the rest of my life!)

Apples

2006-11-25T21:08:00.000+07:00

Woman are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy.
So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them,when in reality,
THEY'RE amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
YOU'RE A GOOD APPLE.
SHARE THIS WITH OTHER WOMEN WHO ARE GOOD APPLES,
EVEN THOSE WHO HAVE ALREADY BEEN PICKED.

Messy Life and Tiny Lesson

2006-11-21T21:26:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

It's getting colder and colder here on Brokeback River...
Why Brokeback?
Well, let's just put it this way...where I am right now are full with non-straight people.
Got the picture now, my friends?

First thing first, I am trying to write something kinna fun currently.
It's my crappy love life and how I look back and feel so many things on each of those so call love and relationship.
I think it will be tiny bit funny. It might sheer someone up actually.
I mean people often feel better to know that someone is having a sucky, pathetic and not so awesome life.
Don't you think?

Subject changes, I'll try Ethihad again.
Ethihad is an airline...in case you wonder what the hell in the world is Ethihad!
I hope it works out fine this time.
I mean what the worse could have happen...
My beloved grandma passed away a day after I flunk the final interview!
I made it that far once, I'll manage it again.
I mean nothing to lose right?

The thing is I really don't want anything to do with full function service business no more. Not on the staff side I mean.
That's why I am trying so hard to find high-paid job even I know I would be sufficated to do that job.
I just know I won't be doing it for the rest of my life.
I'm young...26 is not that old yet.
I still have a few years to really look for the bright future for my Joey.
(I believe my Dad will surely piss off to see that I'm not ready at all to become a SUCCESSFUL adult! Oh..get over it, Daddy!)

Well,I am trying to save some money for further education now.
My education plan has changed from Food and Nutrition Management to Event Management.
I think, actually Ump thinks, it will be so much fun for the both of us to do that job, to have our own business.
I'm thinking about wedding planner or party planner or something along the line.
I'm so dying to be my own boss or at least have SANE boss.
It would surely do me great. =)

I try to be a service-minded person, I do. I try so hard....so damn hard to do good job, to be a good Camphost.
But somehow...at the end of the day all I can think of is how I would like to be pampered, to be well treated, to be completely away from this side of the hotel industry.
I don't belong behind the counter, I should be on the other side, having fun...not being tortured like this.
Right now all I can do is whinning about how I mistakenly drag myself to this whole mess.
How stupid I am!!!
But at least I know why I am here right...to save some money for better...a brighter and so much better future.

By the way, I'm back on the 'I don't need a man to make me complete, I get up do my thing' period again.
I'm not that lonely and desperately need to be in love no more.
I have something else in life I need to put all my energy on now.
I need to think about my future and how to put myself on the right track, how to find a secure career that won't drive me crazy during the process.
Guess guys issue only come when you think the world is so cruel and all you can do is looking for someone to share the harshness. (Or when you are so caught up with yourself and see nothing but YOU YOURS and YOURSELF.)
Well, it's stupid to think that way.
We were born to carry our own shitty stuff and burden.
You cant just rely on someone to take the loads off your shoulder.
You must learn to live as strong and as tough as you could on your own.
It's hard. It's so hard to get there gracefully.
I'm working my ass off to be on that very place.
Oh how I try hard to be that person...
Well, one thing I can be proud of about myself...at least I know what I dont want to do or to be.
That is, for me, the next best thing. (The best thing is of course to know what you want and to do what your heart desires.)
One thing I want everyone to know now is "You must be your own hero!"
Life will be easier if you can be that person for yourself.
That the morale I learn tonight. (It's 10:05 PM)
That's the morale I want to share with you.
Be a hero everyone. I know you can!!!

OK gotta go now...
Life is waiting!

Amp =)

Cause I'm so sick of working, so Tired here, So Done wiTh thInkiNG liFe could Start heRe!

2006-11-15T12:21:00.000+07:00

Dear...Dear...Dear...

Well, and here I am feeling so sick cause I am really sick..
I've got a cold..with teary eyes, running nose and everything.
I need a few days off...I cant have that cause a few people are on vacation so...
I..a sick girl have to come to work until 11 PM everyday.
How cool is that?

The worse thing is no one ask me how I'm doing cause they know I'm way too sick to work and if they ask me they have to send me home to rest.
Moreover, my boss, a smart, MATURE, Gay guy decided to go nuts on all the staff now.
He believes we had way tooo much free time and dont work hard enough.
Well, will I be sick and pathetic like this if I dont work hard staying in the sun all day?..... What a MORON!
I cant have some rest for that? I mean what kind of sweat shop is that!
It doesn't look healthy at all. Don't you think?
I mean...I have to deal with oh-so-VIP guests everyday and I sneeze every six seconds. How Four Seasons Standard is that...
What if they got a flu from me and decided to file a lawsuit against the hotel...
That's their fault then.

OK the thing is this illness of mine enlighten me.
I realize that I dont belong here at all.
Oh how I struggle to belong.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never fit in.
I fell like I was tossed into the Khing River with no life jacket while everyone is watching on the river bank waiting to yell at me when I swim too slow or too fast.

I dont have friends, no someone special, no proper medication, no entertainment here whatsoever.
I dont think I can make any friends here. They are way too different from me.
I dont know how to open my heart to these people...I really dont.
All I can do here is work work work, stressed out,got myself sick and then back to work again.
That's the only thing you can do here.
In short...there is no life in SOB RAUK.
There's no way I or anyone with the same life perspective can start a life here.
It's the dead end. The end of the world, if there's one, will surely starts here.
Maybe.. just maybe the end of the world is probably started here already, for weeks and weeks. Noone knows that because they are way to caught up with themselves and thier 'career'!

I had enough now. I mean it. I'll send new application to many places real soon.
I dont know how long it will take to get pity ass out of here.
All I know is this time I'll make sure my new job will be in a civilize city.
Wish me luck...I really need luck and my good health soon.
If I have to survive this lousy place, good health and encouragement is needed quick!

Amp
with red running nose, swollen teary eyes, swollen and not so pretty face and tired and so darn unhappy heart =(

Smooth

2006-11-09T19:44:00.000+07:00

Hello!!!

Amy is here...in Chiang Rai again!
Things are going pretty smoothly these days.
I haven't screwed up that much lately.
Hope I won't screw up once my boss gets back from his vacation with the big one month probation preview.
I'll pray hard for that start from tonight!!!

Gotta go have something I need to do...find lyrics for my FAV songs!

Love You!!!!
Amy

Pics from The Royal Flora 2006

2006-11-05T20:33:00.000+07:00

I'm HOME!

2006-11-03T16:10:00.000+07:00

Hi guyS!

It's me and I'm home.
Of course, I am so happy...like a crazy person.
Everything seems so pleasant.
I laughs at pretty much everything.
One sucky thing about this trip home was I had a fight with my oh-so-perfect Dad.
That cost me a laptop. He promised me he would buy me an HP laptop!
Jack A..s..I dont like him so much at the moment!

Anyway, I went to The Royal Flora Ratchaphreuk 2006 yesterday.
It was so wonderful, esp for a flowers geek like me.
I'll put some pics here in a few days.
I just have to figure out how to up load all those pictures cause I forget to bring the handy drive.
Guess I have to work hard to get those pics on line!

well, gotta go now...
I'll see you soon with lots of pictures.

Amp

P.S. i have to go back to Chiang Rai tomorrow...DAMN!

Amy! Screwed!

2006-10-29T21:01:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

OK...I am doing something risky here.
I am using Four Seasons Tented Camp PC for personal purpose.
I could easily be kicked out of this hotel so quick for doing this!!!
(Or I could probably get a warning on this for the least!)

I'm only 3 days away from home...my beloved home.
Guess what happen?
I escorted two VIP guests to the wrong tent!!!
It seems to be normal right?
I mean someone screwed up and then another person also screwd up but as always...I was the last one on the line in this 'terrible disaster.'
Of course they sort of blame me for not double checking things before taking guests to their tent.
Well, they didnt say anything yet, but I'm so sure this incident will be mentioned on my first month review/comment.
I dont really worry about that.
I mean they dont have enough people to work.
If I'm not sooOOoo freaking terrible, I'm sure they keep me here.

Anyhow, I have plan to spend some (of my Dad) money during my home visit.
That is something I look forward to.
I'm literally dying to go home, esp. at these hours.
I also have plan to take some pretty pictures of me and send those to two guys...Fat One and my dear friend Kla.
I hope those pictures will make some impact.
I think it's about time to play with their heads a bit.
Well, I have to go now before they catch me red handed.

Peace!
Amy

I'm Coming Home!

2006-10-27T19:55:00.000+07:00

OK

Dont have much time.
I'll be home on Nov 1-4.
It will be sooooo much fun for me to see shopping mall again!

Gatta GO!

Amy Lovely

My Belly Monster

2006-10-21T09:59:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

Fat One AKA. My Belly Monster called.
We have been talking every night for about a week now.
Then last night he sort of stop calling me for no reason.
I tried to call him this morning...no replied.
Guess that trolly dolly girlfriend of him came home or sth.
Damn you bitch!

I'm kinna upset a bit to have crush on someone else BF.
I have to stop doing this for my own happiness.
Who am I kiddin? Me? Stop talking to the guy?
That is just impossible...at least at the moment.
I'm caught up. It's not easy to drag myself back...not yet.

The thing is he always says anything can happen.
He might not end up with his GF afterall.
He might find someone he likes so much.
Someone who fits him perfectly.
I thought he was talking about me...silly!

Well, I used to laugh at people who let love blinded them.
I thought I was better than that.
I thought I was strong and heartless.
I was never been so wrong.
I'm just like other girls. I'm no different.
Writing this love sick story proves that I am, afterall, just a girl.

It's kinna cool somehow, you know, to realize that I'm not cold-hearted, loveless evil.
I'm not that bitchy when it comes to love.
My belly Monster is, in a good way, the prove that I will let myself fall for someone at the end of the day without any fear of rejection or stuff like that.
He is the prove that I can too take the risk to find love and relationship.
I think someday after I survive this whole situation, I would be able to find someone to fall head over feet for and might even find true love.
It's weird, I know but you need to find good things out of the wrecked situation.
I did find one good thing from this cheating fat guy...
I know I have guts to reach out for a glimmer of a chance of love.
It will help me in the future. I don't know how but it will be useful.

Yet another cool post from Amy...
Your Truly =)

Put Your Records On: Colinne Bailey Rey

2006-10-17T12:59:00.000+07:00

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
And nothing seems to change, and it all will stay the same.
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that awful hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere..somehow

My Old Journal

2006-10-14T12:21:00.000+07:00

Hello!

I had free time last night, as usual, so I spent hours or so reading my old journal.
I was fun at first...I was hopeful, funny little girl who has just got back to Thailand with the feeling that I could get anything I wanted.
Then, after a year or so...I started to changed.
Somehow, somewhere between late 2004 and early 2006...I became a really hopeless and desperated person.

I was soooo shocked, looking back at myself then.
I was so childish, whining and pathetic.
At one piont...I hit the bottom ground.
I hated myself so much I didn't even believe life could get any better.
It scared me to feel that way about myself.
It's really scary...what if I was too weak to get through those days...
It's WAY too horrifying just to think about that.

Today I feel better about ME.
I feel fine in my own skin, even though I'm still the same person.
Still carry extra weight, loveless, struggle to survive my career advancement stuff, lonely, broke, but somehow those things don't bother me too much anymore.
Guess I'm growing up...mentally.
It feels kinna good to be here where I stand today.
I believe I can do anything now.
If you survive the I-hate-myself period and able to look back and laugh at yourself then, guess you'll survive anything.

I hope and pray all of you who have a chance to read this post finally realize how lucky we are to be here on this planet.
I hope you too can conqure all your obstacles.
And I pray, somehow you will find a way to thank God for giving you the chance to be YOU cause I did...and it felt really really good.
Before I go, I'll leave one quote from my favourite woman in the world here.
I think it will be somewhat helpful if you ever hit the bottom ground.

Enjoy living your life!
Amy =)

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”
Carrie Bradshaw: Sex and the City

Love Songs for Amy (@ the moment)

2006-10-11T16:29:00.000+07:00

Guess the best way to describe my LOVE situation at the moment is to put some songs here.
I'm wayyyyy tooooo messy right now.
Too messy to think straight!
I'm in a really really weird place.
My work performances are terrible.
I was always so sure about spending a year or so at Tented Camp then transfer back to Chiang Mai...I'm not so sure now.
I might not survive the probation period.
The hell with them!!! I'll look for something else to do.!

Since my career move is proved to be a lil bit stupid, my love life is also proved to be equally stupid!
Well, I'm kinna fall for two guys that I will never have. Not in a million years.
One is married with a two-year-old daughter, another one is engaged to be married to an Emirates Cabin Crew.
How irony! >=(

OK let's get back to the songs now.
Here are the songs I really think best describe my situation in term of love and relationship at the moment.

Rainy Day : The Coors
A bomb drops and no-one stirs on a lazy summers evening,
Seated, with a man she knows she shouldn't be with,
But in his eyes, the light surprise, something she's been needin',
A certain touch within her voice, can tell you what she's feelin',

I want you, need you, yeah, I want you, I'll need you,
and I'll be lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'll come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),

A door slams and suddenly, she's awoken from her dreams,
of late goodbye's and shadowed eyes, those crazy summer feelings

I want you, need you, Oh, I want you, I'll need you,
and I'll be lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'd come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),
save it for a rainy day

I want you, need you, yeah, I want you, I'll need you,
and I've been lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'd come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),
yeah I'll be lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'd come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),
save it for a rainy day, (save it for a rainy day),
save it for a rainy day, (save it for a rainy day),
I'll save it for a rainy day, save it for a rainy day

Artist: Corinne bailey rae
Song: Trouble Sleeping

It's late and i m feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing

Could it be I'm suffering
Because i m never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
(please please)
Tell me i dont see myself
Couldn't I blame something else.
Don't say i m falling love

Some kind of therapy
Is all i need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
that can cure me completely

Could it be I'm suffering
Because i m never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me i dont see myself
Couldn't I blame something else.
Don't say i m falling love

Falling in love
Yeaahhh

Hope your lives are better than mine.
Your Truly

Amy and The Camp!

2006-10-06T19:27:00.000+07:00

Hello HEllo Hello!
This is still your same old Amy Amp...
I am now a trainee at Four SEasons Tented Camp Golden Triagle in Chiang Rai...
You're gonna have to bear with me here.
I need to say the damn hotel name as often as possible so I can remember it correctly!
Cause I have to be on the table which I would like to call the operation center which everyone has to call if they want to talk to anyone in the Camp.
It's way way hard for me to get everything done right!
That's why I need to catch up with other staff asap.
Or at least try not to screwed up esp. when the boss or the ass. mannager call me today.
I made lots of mistakes when answering the phone today.
Such as the fact that I forgot to say my name...and the assistant manager was the caller and he happened to remembered my name and pronounced it correctly!
So....damp himiliated!
After that I was so freaked out and said all the wrong things to the guests (on the phone only!)
See...We have this particular way to answer the phone...if the call comes from inside the camp property...Good Morning.. Camphost Suvichaya speaking, How may I assist you?
If the call comes from other places outside the camp...Good Moring Four Seasons Tented Camp Golden Triangle, how may I assist you...one moment please....Thank you for holding...Thank you for calling...and all the oh so polite and sweet blah blah blah!

I need to practice practice and then practice some more to be a good camphost and survive the probation period gracefully.
But it's only my first week here so it's ok to make mistakes...right?
OK gotta go now. Need some sleep tonight...Mae Sai tomorrow!
Hooray! my first day off...

I'll keep in touch..I promise!
Amy

P.S. If you want to see my work place go by Peun Dern Tang (เพื่อนเดินทางหน้าปกตองกับเคลลี่ ธนพัฒน์ )October issue or visit www.fourseasons.com and choose Golden Triangle brance...you'll see how beautiful the camp is. Cheers!

In Chiang Rai

2006-09-30T11:59:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

I am writing this post in Chiang Rai my new dwelling.
What a boring and quiet city!
I am dying to go home or to start working so I dont have too much free time.
I heard that a shift lasts for 9 hours but I have to wait for a ride to get back to the apartment.
Say if my shift starts at 8.30 it will end at 5.30 and I have to wait till 6.15 for a ride...
That is cool so I can have some time to have dinner at the cafeteria, change clothes and then pack my bags and leave the hotel.
That will be all right. I guess I wont have too much free time after that.
The only problem is how am I suppose to find free time to go home if I have to work that hard!
Damn Damn Damn.
My hope is at the end of my first year I will be able to transfer back to my town.
I'll pray hard for that...the chance to live with Mom and Ump and Ta-Ngeaw and Toy again.
It's not gonna be too hard...
Joey told me I would be visiting home oftens.
I'll keep my fingers cross on that one.

Wish Me Luck!
Amy

To My Air Hostess Friend Nang Auy

2006-09-18T01:08:00.000+07:00

I read all your posts na but somehow I can't post any comments on your blog.
No idea why this happen? Guess because I sign in with gmail account these days.
That's why I cannot post my comments on your blog na.
Anyway if you stop by please know this...I always try very hard to keep in touch with you na Nang Auy.
I'll try harder to keep posting my thoughts on your blog na ja.

Amp =)

It's Official

2006-09-18T00:42:00.000+07:00

Okay..
I got a job now.
The job starts on 1 Oct.
It means I'm gonna have to move to Chiang Rai in a few weeks.
How do I feel?
I keep asking myself why do I have to go and work in Chiang Rai?
What went to my mind?
Well, worst case scenario...I'll be so darn bored and jump off the Rauk River Bank...or I would probably dont pass the probation period and got kick out of the hotel so quick.
Well, I hope it wont be that sucky. After all it is the job God chose for me, right?
Anyway, I'm gonna be a camp host for Four Seasons Resort Tented Camp. (In case you dont know what is my new job.)
If I nail the sharing room with a starnger, working in a new field of job, living on my own far away from my family in a so call out skirt area, home sickness...I'll be just fine.

As always...Wish me Luck!
I'm gonna need that.
Your Truly.

Unemployment

2006-09-13T01:08:00.000+07:00

Hello!

It's Amy.
I finally did it.
I quited.
Yes I did.
That's why I'm now officially unemploy.
Do I worried? Not that much.
I mean...Four Seasons called me so many times this week for final interview.
I think they will call for the offer and contract or stuff like that within this week.
I hope I can stay home and chill for a few more weeks.
I dont want to start my new job in the middle of the month.
It seems...I dont know I just dont like the idea.
So I'll ask them if they can give me a few more weeks before moving to the Golden Triangle.

Anyway, I did the tooth thing already.
Oh..did I struggle..I mean it was so painful even at this very moment.
The dentist pulled the tooth out, fixed it somehow with the tool then put it back in my gum.
Seems so scary right? Believe me it is way scarier in reality.
I'm in so much pain at the moment. I have to take painkillers every 4 hours.
I have another appointment with the same dentist to check the tooth.
I hope it would not be so painful then.

Gotta go now.
I'll keep you posted.

Amy

A Call Back

2006-08-31T14:39:00.000+07:00

Four Seasons called.
They said OFFICIAL result would be here soon.
The camp manager was still on holiday in US.
He would be back on Sept. 5th and they would call me before 7th.
What does that mean?
Do I get the job?
Damn...so confusing!
And how about my Club Med?
Will they call me as well this week?
She told me she would let me know by the end of this month.
Darn...so confusing!
What about US Consulate...should I apply then?
How about all the Airlines I applied for?
Will they call me?
Or the biggest question...should I wait for them?
I mean, if the hotels call me again and ask if I can start working soon...
Should pass the offer and wait for the Airlines?
Life! What a messy time for Amy!
Anyway, what will happen, let them happen.
Cause things always happen for some reasons right?

So confusing...so darn confusing 8(
Amy
(still on the bright side despite the heavy rainfalls and flooded land)

๋Jobs Jobs Jobs

2006-08-30T15:11:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger
Hello...How you doing?
Well, I'm good.
I have a confession to make...
I was playing with my blog for the past weeks to avoid talking about my job searching updates.
Why? Do you even have to ask why?
There are no updates!
No call backs, no more interviews left for me this month...damn my life is soOo over!!!

....................WAIT A MINUTE!.....................

You think I'll be whining about that one too, right?
Come on...admit it!
Well, the old AMY would definately whin about that.
I am a new girl now people.
New and improved AMY...I won't go crazy, bitchy this time.
I will be positive about that one.
There are plenty of jobs in the sea like jelly fish and fish and shell fish and sand etc.
So if I don't get this two jobs, there will be more for me to try.
I'm so darn positive on that subject!

How about that! Pretty cool, right?
What an awesome way to see things!
Hope this positive AMY will be here the next time I hit the bottom ground.

Have a GREAT days, weeks, months, years and life!
Amy (on the bright side) =)

2006-08-23T13:24:00.001+07:00

Four Seasons Resort Golden Triangle Tented Camp

2006-08-11T15:28:00.000+07:00

I'm going for an interview at Four Seasons (Golden Triangle) this coming Monday.
Damn scared of everything. I mean it's always my thing to freak out.
It's my charm...being the drama queen.

Anyway, I like the money they offer.
I'll get around 10,000 Baht a month. I think it is a pretty good number.
(plus 6,500 living allowance, 3 meals, free transportation, accomodation and uniform)
I'm sure I'll get more money once the hotel becomes well-known like other branches.
Since there are 70 properties in 30 countries, I think I have a great chance of transfering to other places. (I'll keep my fingers cross on that one!)

Well, Is this what I really want to do with mylife?
let's me be honest with you...Of course not!
You know me. My destiny is to live and be wealthy in America, Australia or high-so European countries.
Wait a minute, technically I will be working near foreign lands too.
Golden triangle...Laos and Burma right? SoOooOo fantastic!

That's the only thing I need do...for now.
I cannot stand working at my present company no more.
Moving from this shitty rat hole to Four Seasons will be a grande career step.
Besides I still have Club Med to go for in case this Monday turns to be a disaster.
But to be honest I don't think anything can go wrong now.
I'm positive that I will be working for the Four's within a month.

I'm going home now.
I'll update once I'm back.
Peace!!!
Amy

P.S. Ump got her very first job earlier this month. (She is working for an International School as an admission staff.) And that biarch found a 'boyfriend' already!! Bitchy!

Champ!

2006-08-02T15:26:00.000+07:00

2006-2007 Community Shield Winner/ Premier League Champion/ League Cup Winner/ F.A Cup and UEFA Champion League Winner...Bravo The One and Only Liverpool

26 th Birth Day

2006-07-14T12:45:00.000+07:00

Good-Bye 25, Say Hi! 26
Yes, I'm officially 26 years old now.
I don't know what to expect at the age of 26.
(Since the 25th year life was pretty sucky...got kicked out of 2 airline interviews, warned for being loud and rude, missed first Christmas as a Christian and on top of that lose my beloved grandma just 4 days before Christmas.)
Hope the age will filled with Godly experiences, wonderful adventures, colorful career path, and the never ending fun and happiness.

Should I add LOVE & RELATIONSHIP on my wish list too?
Tricky question...maybe I should...don't you think?
I mean, I'm old and STABLE enough to be someone's girlfriend now. I guess!
OK. let's do it...let's hope this year is the year I say SO LONG single and Nice to Meet You couplehood!
Yeah, I think I want to start a relatiopnship this year.
Afterall, Joey is already told me what to look for, right?
Tall, Dark Brown Hair, Brown Eyes with AMERICAN accent and letter 'B'
That's what Joey wants for us.
That's what I'm gonna look for in a guy.
In three years...3 years only, I'll be settling down.
Freaky but kinna exciting to think about.

OK hope you can see a good change 26th brings already right?
I'm back to be annoyingly cheerful and hopeful again.
Good things happen to good people right?
Thanks my friend Auy for her useful comment.

And of course Happy Birth Day Ms Amy
This time, you'll get it all.

=)

P.S. My mind is made up now. The 26th year of my life is going to be a great year. Even if it's not, I'll work my butts off to make it wonderful and memorable. From now on the year will be officailly known as 'The Wonderful Year of Happiness for Amy.' Nice!

The Cycle of Life

2006-07-07T12:41:00.000+07:00

Cannot believe it...
The hideous cycle has started again.
I'm so Sick..sick..sick, physically and mentally as well.
What makes this round different from zillion other times is I know exactly where it all begins.
That guy I call Dad and the shitty company I'm working for.
How unlucky a girl can be?
I mean...are there any other human beings share this lousy so-called life?
Decisions I made always turn out to be wrong or even worse become a disaster.
(eg. choosing this company instead of going to Dubai...see I'm a loser!)

Okay, I'll try to clarify what I've been talking about as much as I can.
I have been so stres out for months now about career change stuff.
Then my EX-Dad stepped in liked a knight on a white horse.
'Go work abroad if you like. I'll pay for everything.'He said.
That's why I took IELTS and recieved pretty good band.
That's why I applied for many many jobs in ski resorts for the coming winter season and still applying for more of FOREIGN companies.
Then suddenly around a month ago the guy freaked out on me and told me he won't pay for anything even if those places hire me.
And that's when my sicky mind became really ill and trouble.

As you all know, unhealthy mind equal unhealthy body.
The list of my illnesses are as follow...constipation, ulcers both stomach and intestines, migrane, regular headache, sleepiness when doing everything, insomnia once I go to bed, rashes, pimples, teeth PAIN, diarreah, neck pain, mood swing, dizziness, swollen stomach and the cherry on top of my list...no period for almost 2 months and I'm not pregnant! I'm going to have hormones injection within a few days if 'my friend' still ignore me.

Mom is so concerned. She encourages me to do yoga or at least exercise.
I don't have time for that. Yoga is the worse.
I could not bend like those people. It won't help me at all.
Yoga would only cause me more pain.
About excercise, I'm gonna have to wait till World Cup ends.
(They replace my excercise program with World Cup review and analysis.)
But if it really help I might start jumping around the house this evening.
I mean I'm not afraid to die, just not willing to go now that's all.

Sorry you have to read this.
I'm just so full of...shit right now and there's no place to go.
Crying in my bed every night, being angry at God for this whole thing won't help no more.
Well, my friend told me my luck will change.
I'm gonna hold on to that one for now.
If the hormones they're about to inject won't help...I'll shoot myself!
Damn!

Amy

Just My Luck!

2006-06-30T15:12:00.000+07:00

Have you ever seen the hope of your Perfect Life fell apart right in front of you?
Weel, I did...

I thought things would run smoothly after the test.
I thought life would be better.
I was wrong.
Of course it has to be sucky and hard.
Cause I'm Amy.
We're all aware by now that being Amy never equal being luckly, let alone being happy!
Right now I'm struggling to find new job or jobs abroad.
I sent like 10 applications from New york Times to some resorts in Tahoe!
Still no reply whatsoever.
And the freaking disappointment part is probably the fact that my sole sponser has turned his ass on me!
Damn you!

After this incident, there is one thing I want to see...the castration of every irresponsible asshole male Homo sapiens.
(Agree? Give me Five!)
Then no one would have to go through shits I'm dealing with every freaking day!
No..no...no...I'm not being bitchy or anything.
I'm just speaking my mind.

Anyway, since every good journal needs good ending, right?
Then my ending would be this...
"I would work my ass off for a chance to go abroad and stay for a very very very loooOoong period of time."
See so darn good ending!

Amy (Dying to go skiing!)

Result!

2006-06-14T15:44:00.000+07:00

I got the result...
Not as high as I expected though.
I got 7.0!
55555 only a week to prepare and I got it!
Hoo-Ray! You're such a smart bitch.
The next step would be...applying applying and applying.
I hope one or two or all of them will accept me.

I'll keep you posted.
Love Ya!

Amp =)

Back from the Battlefield!

2006-05-26T14:40:00.000+07:00

I'm back!
I sat for IELTS exam yesterday and it was...hmm...I love to say it was great...but that would be a lie.
It went okay actually, not so good not so bad.
(but definately not GREAT!)
What I want to say is it was not as scary as I thought.
At least, I had no problem writing 2 essays on time!
Somehow, I also believe that I nailed some parts of that test too.
And that's my friends, was truly awesome.

I was litterally drove myself crazy.
It was not that terrible at all...really.
I think after this very incident, I would have to be less paranoid.
It's such a waste of time worrying about something that still not happen.
Like future, for instance, worrying tooOo much about it won't help you at all.
Just enjoy this moment...present moment.
Because you don't want to look back and say "Gee, I shoulda, woulda, coulda done this done that."
What's done is done, no return, no nO nO No nO.
Trust me on this one history never repeated itself.
I've learned that the hard way and still on my way to fully recovered from that.
So be aware of the present time, the very moment you're at.
That's the easiest way to live happily.

Anyway, the IELTS test result will be issued on June 7th.
We'll have to see if my expected 7.5 band score will be achieved.

Bye for now. A party to go tonight!

Amy Smiley =)

IELTS

2006-05-10T15:32:00.000+07:00

Hello World!

I'm back!
I'm healthy again...sort off.Well, root canal thing is still bugging me.
The worst part is...another one of my teeth is about to give me the same gift!
Two root canals, lots of pain killers and definately more teeth doctor!
Dee Ae Emm En...Damn!

Well, the biggest change is about to happen soon.
The first step I take is...drum rolls please...I'm taking IELTS exam in 2 weeks.
May 25th, 2006 is the day.
It's such a nerve-racking for me.
So worried I won't be able to pass band 5...
I want band 7.5...so I can do pretty much anything with that.
Less than 7-7.5, is nothing.
It won't be useful for me at all! I guess!

So it's crucial to do a good job on that one, if I want to take the next step.
(The next step to go 'Inter' again.)
The thing is everybody seems to believe in my 'potential.'
The fact that I was a pretty smart student kinna give them the impression.
And that's really scared the shit out of me.
Cause I don't even believe I can do that.
I have been away from text books for soOooo long.
Like a few days ago when I tried to write a report from the graph given, I had to open the example page and immitated some sentenses to write a band 5 report.
That's not good at all!
Seriously...I'm way too dumb to be confident.

But then again, if they believe I can do the test, I should probably do the same.
Believe in my hidden or forgotten 'Potential.'
I know it will be SoOoo darn hard.
Hey...I managed to survive so many ordeal before, right, so IELTS test shouldn't be THAT HARD, if I work my butts off.
I hope. ={

Well, that's kinda nice.
Still...loads of study to do, lots of old tests to practice and definately millions of prayers to pray everynight...one time a night at least.
And I only got 2 weeks left...so little time so much to do!
Dee Ae Emm En...Damn!

Okay Amy...I bet you'll be fine after all.
Just keep praying, practicing, reading then praying again and again.
That should probably do...hopefully.
Better now?

Well, I'll come back for updates.
If you don't hear from me after the test...check the nuts house.
I guess that's where I might dwell.
PEACE!!

Amy

My Health

2006-04-13T15:28:00.000+07:00

Well, Hello There

I have some news to share.
As you know I planed to lose some weight...again.
I did lose 2-3 kgs.
(I believe I look a bit thinner these days.)
Well, of course that's not what I want to share.
It's way toOOo boring, even for me.
The thing was in order to lose some weight, I needed help.
That's why I went to diet clinic.
The doctor gave me some pills...diet pills to be exact.
I was doing fine for 2-3 weeks after taking those pills.
But when the doctor thought that I should be droping more weight, she gave me the new pills.
The pills were so strong I could not stand straight.
I thought it would get better after awhile but it didn't.
After 7 days of taking the strong pills I was moody, restless, dizzy, havibg really bad headache and sweating like a pig.
I knew there was something really wrong going on with my body.

The worse night was Friday 7th, I was literally blacked out for 2-3 minutes.
I remembered it vaguely, I was walking to the front door cause I heard my cat maewing outside.
I felt the world spinning so fast and that was all I remembered.
The next thing I knew I was lying on the ground outside of the house.
Mom and my sister were shocked!
They were screaming my name so loud, asking me what was going on, what was happened, why I was lying on the ground etc.
I could not answered any of the questions. I could not control my mouth.
It was shaking so hard.

After draging me back inside and put some ice on my right eye brow, mom and my sister told me they heard a bang and me calling for help.
I did not remember any of that.
That made me scared.
What if I fell from a high staircase and got myself seriously injured and never got up again?
Besides the black out thing, I also got bruised eye brow, injured back muscles,
almost broken ankle etc.
That's the reason why I would stop using diet pills forever.
They are too dangerous for everyone.
From now on I won't starve myself to death just to be thin like other girls.(Tyra banks said that on VH1.)
At least not anymore.
I don't have problem having a little bit more fat that other girls.
I shouldn't listen to what people say about being thin and all.
We are all beautiful just the way we are.
And if we're lucky, some one will find us attractive just the way we are too.
Do not risk your life because you want to be someone you're not.
I've learned this lesson the hard way and I'm so glad I have a chance to share it with you.
Stop hurting yourself, start loving it.
Believe me listening to yourself and please it is way easier than listening to others and try to please every single person.
I hope my post is useful for someone one way or another.
So good luck guys!

Amy =) (getting back on my feet soon!)

Little Voice in My Head

2006-03-29T12:29:00.000+07:00

Hello!

It's me Amy.
How are you doing?
I'm good...on diet again. (Right!)
It's been a while since the last time we commuted'
Great news is I'm taking IELTS test on May 25th.
Bad news is the IELTS test is the only exciting things to happen lately.
What a fun, amazing, awesome life!!! Woooo Hoooo!

Well, actually there is a tiny little change going on around here.
It's kinna silly though.
So if you're looking for something matter or a non-idiotic post...I suggest you should say bye-bye and leave.
Okay...what I'm trying to say is about Paul Walker.
Yes, boo hoo boring...shut it!
No..You shut it!

Back to the subject, I watched Eight Below yesterday.
Paul was, of course, as hot and drop-dead as usual.
The stangest thing was at one point during the movie, there was this little voice inside my head said 'You'll never have him.'
It was the 1st time that I realised that Paul Walker was not for me at all.
Yes, I'm man enough to admit that I actually believed that at some point in an unearthly way, the guy and I would end up together.
Told you it's silly!

What was wrong with me?
I have no idea...litterally.
I assume that it's my path to join the real world.
No more 'IDEAL Imaginary Relationship' for me.
I finally capable of saying 'I would rather stay single than having a perfect fake relationship that only exists in my head.'
Well, it is sucks. Growing up is always sucks, esp. for me.
Nothing I can do about that anyway so deal with it!

Gotta go now. Got work to do.
BB

Amy =)

P.S. A guy from my past life is joing my company. Damn! what a great news! >:(

QUIT!

2006-02-15T15:39:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

I'm on the edge.
I have enough of this so called work place.
It is so unfair for me to stuck here while all I want to do is quit.
QUIT! QUIT! QUIT!
If I don't have to support my family, oh..I would totally walk out of the place so quick!
That's how much I hate the place.

I should have got the darn airlines job.
I should be going places.
I'm so darn good at that...I'm not good at standing still at all.
I'm just...too unlucky to move on.
There are thousand of reasons keeping me from living the life I want.

Okay, let's just do this whole things again.
I'm not wishing for a great, perfect or ideal life, being Paul's girl whatsoever, what I really need is a new job outside of Thailand.
Is it too much to ask?
I have been such a good girl for so long....why?
This is the least you can do for me.
Just give me new job oppotunity.
That's all I'm asking for now.
(I'll ask for sth else someday but new job is something to die for at the moment.)
You know what, I'm leaving now...there's one place I have to go.
Australia Center here I come.

Amy

S.O.S Help is needed!

2006-02-01T15:02:00.000+07:00

Ok, it's official now.
I'm so doomed!
Everyone is coming to my town this Friday to apply or EK.
I'm gonna freak for sure!
What am I gonna do?
I don't want to skrewed up this time.
I NEED to get out of this place asap.
I'm gonna have to practice breathing in and out to control my excitement.
I need to keep my cool.
Or else...you know so well, what's gonna happen!

God...Please help...
Amy (freak out...again)

Airlines update!

2006-01-27T15:51:00.000+07:00

I'm back with updates!
Qatar called and sent me e-mail inviting me for an interview.
Wanna guess what happened?
Well, I forgot to check my 'business' e-mail address.
You know now what happened right?
Damn it!

Well, I try to be positive about that by telling myself EK is coming to my town.
After years and years and months of praying, those guys are finally coming to Chiang Mai...to my town!
Coincident? There is no such thing as coincident, my friends.
I think (or at least that's what I want to think) EK comes to my town because of my pray.
With that reason, I believe this is it...The Door that I have been waiting for my whole life.
It's happening...really happening.
Don't need smart people to tell me it is a once-in-a-life-time oppotunity, meaning I can't screwed up this time.
(Even Joey came to me one night and told me to try harder!)
So nervous of course...terrifying, nerve-racking, you name it I feel it.

So please wish me luck people.
I'm gonna need some of those real soon.
Thanks in advance =)

Amy (Tolly Dolly to be)

Lost and Found

2005-12-29T13:28:00.000+07:00

I was invited to join Etihad Cabin Crew Recruitment Interview and screwed up!
I didin't have enough time to prepare for 'GOOD and Perfect' speech.
No wonder why they asked me to leave after an individual interview.
I survived three tasks...grooming check, English Test, Group Discussion and flunk the Individual Interview for being too blunt. Damn You!
I was disappionted of course. It took me three caotic days to get there.
I should have been one of their new cabin crew.
That would probably be the end of the world if the worst thing in the universe didn't happen to me a day after that interview.
My beloved grandma passed away.

It was the worst feeling I have ever felt in my entire life.
I thought losing my cats were so bad but it could not compare to this particular feeling.
It was empty. You wanted to cry but you couldn't.
It felt like someone ripped your heart of your chest..even breathing was so damn hard to do.
There is a hole in your heart now...there's no way you can fill that hole no matter how hard you try.
I know what it's called...Loss. Yes..Loss.
What I regret the most is the fact that I had no chance to say goodbye to her.
My mom and I were on our way to see her when my aunt called and told us that Grandma passed away.

My grandma was one strong old lady.
She could walk, rode a bike, cooked and did pretty much anything.
That's why we were so worry when the doctor told us she had cancer a year ago.
We did everything we could to keep her healthier and live longer.
Last year was the worst year cause she couldn't ride her bike anymore.
She could not walk, exercise and cook liked she used to.
It was a difficult year for her.
On Tuesday December 20 2005, she took an afternoon nap and never woke up.(around 4 something P.M.)
Just like that she went to haeven without good bye.
The only thing that makes me feel better is she went peacefully.
she lives in heaven now, a place where no cancer, weakness, haedache or whatever disease could harm her.
She is heathy again. She is fine and free just like Paba said.

One thing I learn from my Grandma's death is if you love someone, let them know.
If you want to do something, do it.
If you want to be anything..anything at all...try, or at least die trying.
Don't let anything stops you from going where you want to go, doing what you want to do or being what you want to be.
Learn from your pain and move on.
That's all you can do when someone you love dearly has gone.
There's no need to forget them, remember them.
Keep them close to your heart and your love ones will help you through the darkest time of your life.

Rest in Peace Grandma, we're all gonna be fine.
Love You Always

Amp =)

What a Terrible Day It Is!!!!

2005-12-02T14:33:00.000+07:00

Damn Damn Damn!!

It started with 1/2 hour of waiting for that silly bus to pick me up.
(I was so angry at God for not sending me the lousy transportation. Well, there will be a really long confession. Hope He forgive me...Please...forgive me. I'm begging you.)
Followed by a really big pile of work.
Then there is this game Crush Calculator...I sent link to my crushes just to find out that Beans was gay..the biggest gay in the universe and P.K. liked someone else!
If that's not sucks enough...this guy who happens to be the love of my friend's life had secret crush on me.

Damn Damn Damn!!
Just love a day like today...
Really really do >:O

I'm soooo gonna end up alone.

Amy

Good Thought

2005-11-23T15:41:00.000+07:00

Someone asked me a few days ago...why are you still single?
Why am I still single?
Hmm... let's see...I'm too picky maybe.
Or it's just not the 'right' time to meet the 'right' guy yet.
Or I'm just not that lucky in love..
Or, maybe...just maybe, I was born to run wild by myself.

Is it sad? Yes, it was...a long time ago.
It used to bother me so much to know that I will end up alone...dead in my house with half of my face missing. (Forensics find out later...my face was eaten by my cats cause they are too hungry.)

Anyway, where was I?
Oh..it used to be a 'crime' hanging a scarlet letter "S" around my neck.
Everybody was having someone to love. Of course I was not one of those people.
I guess it happens sometime...wanting someone cause you hate to be alone.
It's not love. I know that now.
Love and relationship is not Valentine's date, candle light dinner, romantic getaway or whatever.
It's about understanding, acceptance, patience and so on.
Why, cause it's not just you it's about taking care of someone's heart and feelings too.
I'm not sure I can do that.
Well, I might be able to be some guy's good girlfriend someday.
But not that soon...not any time soon.
I believe what appropriate now is to quote Carry Bradshaw, my favourite lady in the world.

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with. "

Wow..that's just so cool!!!
All I have to do is make sure I'll always come back here whenever I feel sad and down.
This silly post will brings smile back to my face again.
For Sure!

I love being me. I really do. =)
Amp

Mom's Birth Day

2005-11-09T13:33:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

November 6, 2005 was a fantastic day.
Nice day like that was hard to find for me lately.
That's why I'm happy to share my story here.
That day was Mom's birthday.
My sister and I held a small party for her.
It was really good...the whole thing you know.
Food was great, music was awesome, the drinks...oh the drinks were amazing.
We were laughing so much that day.
It was a really really good good day for our family.

I remembered vaguely about a day like that.
It was my birthday party a few years ago.
We did the same things...eat, drink and sing so loud.
Thsn it hit me. I realised one thing 'Happiness is not that hard to find.'
Spending time with your love ones, doing whatever crazy things you feel like doing' cosuming anything you want(high carb, full fat, etc.)
That's what happiness is all about.
That's what birthday is all about...
Birthday is not about fancy feast or expensive gifts...just a small party, a few happy birthday phone calls and lots of smilling faces are all that I need for my birthday.
And I strongly hope everyone would do the same.
Cause if I, Amy, found happiness by doing those things, anyone could find it too.
Pretty good, right? Well, I can come up with pretty good stuff too. (from time to time!)

Well, hope to write more of the good journal in the future.
Nice day folks! =)
Good Old Amy (with a really happy heart)

You're Beautiful

2005-10-26T14:41:00.000+07:00

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

People at The Party

2005-10-21T14:57:00.000+07:00

There was a company party last night.
It was pretty awesome, though I had to spend the night in dog poops...literally.
It hit me...reality...I noticed a lot of people were different after alcohol got them.
Some were nicer, some were nastier, some were more aggressive and some, like me, were milder.
I could not believe how quiet I was when I'm drunk.
That was pretty pathetic actually.
I could never hang around with friends and drink and dance cause I always fall asleep after first drink!!
Well, that's it for now.
I'll come back later.

Amy *<=)Party Animal

EK and Me

2005-10-13T14:33:00.000+07:00

Just a short message...
EK starts to call people for their new recruitment team.
They forget to call me, AGAIN.
Should I give up on them now?
Should I keep on fighting for them, although I know I'm gonna end up sad and disappointed?
So hard to decide.

Nice Life Folks!
Amy =(

Riding with My Beans

2005-10-06T13:59:00.000+07:00

Dear My Beloved Blogger
Guess what....
What? What? What?
=) I had a chance to go somewhere with Beans!!!
For two days in a role!!! Scream!!!!
And the best things of all is, I'm now so sure that Beans is straight!!!
Bravo! Yeah! Hoo-Ray! Woo- Hoo!

You think my life is perfect now, ha?
No way, Hon, this is me remember.
I'm unlucky Amy.
Even though I know Beans is straight, there's a price to pay.
Beans likes someone else and likely to 'stand still' with someone too.
Nice, isn't it?
Bravo! Yeah! Hoo-Ray! Woo-Hoo!

Anyway, Beans is just one of the messy stuff I'm dealing with at the moment.
Career thing is of course my priority.
Then there is Granny's health issue.
My Granny is sick. She will be better.
I'm not ready to let her go yet...not when I'm still the same loser she raised up 25 years ago.
I want her to see my success.
If she has to go...I want her to see a sucessful Amy, to be proud.
That's what I'm trying to say.

Then there is health thing: weight lose, diet stuff, teeth problems, the list goes on...
I'm tryimg so hard to fix these annoying problems. Still waiting to be cured.
And there are more problems I have to take care of.
If we had enough space and time, I would be moe than happy to address them.
In short what I'm trying to do is stop being so messy and pathetic.
That's what I'm working on everyday for years and years.
Damn! My life's sucks!

Gotta go now...
Great Day!
Same Old Messy Amy

P.S. How can something so nice like a ride with Beans end up to be my messy life again?
Damn it, Amy! You're so full of yourself.

Belly...SUCKS!

2005-10-02T15:58:00.000+07:00

Hi!
I want to know how far I have to go to get rid of my belly?
The danm thing is getting bigger and bigger each time I look at it.
I lose 5-6 kgs. for the past few months...my belly still not disappear.
So I set 'Abs-Workout Day' three times a week, hoping to have flat, fantastic and fabulous abs.
I think Sunday, Tuesday and Friday would be the great days to get rid of my belly.

What I'm afraid of is my belly might never goes away unless I ask some doctors to cut it open and suck fats and fluids out.
That's just scary.
But of course I'll keep that option in mind.
I might need that someday. Who knows!

Gotta Go!
Amy =) Belly =O

I HOPE YOU DANCE

2005-09-23T13:57:00.000+07:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion)
I hope you dance
(Always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder
Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

(Time is a real and constant motion)
I hope you dance
(Always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder
Where those years have gone)

written by Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers,
sung by Lee Ann Womack,
backup vocals by Sons of the Desert

FOR YOU and You only, Amy!
Just hang in there!

Let's Call Him Beans

2005-09-22T13:12:00.000+07:00

Why do I have to dress up for a guy who will never look at me...not in a million years?
If that's not sucks enough, I'm 85% positive that the guy is GAY.
Yes GAY GAY GAY. Darn Darn Darn!!!!
OK. Let me start it again, properly.
The thing is, I kinna like this guy...let's call him Beans.
I like Beans a little..who am I kiddin, I like Beans a lot.
He is so cute and funny.
Everybody says Beans has lots of gay qualities. That's why most people think he is gay.
I'm trying NOT to believe that rumor but the dude does look a little bit GAY.
Let's analyze his so call gay qualities...shall we?

1. He lives with the same guy for years. He tells everyone, that guy is JUST FRIEND. Right!
2. He wears a ring on his wedding finger. Guess who gave that ring to him...ding ding ding...his 'FRIEND'.
3. He likes kids. He wants kids. Who want kids at age of 25? I know I don't!
4. I'm not so sure about this one but Beans kinna pay too much attention to this particular guy in the office...particular GAY guy to be exact.
5. One of the girls said she saw Beans doing 'gay-like' dancing with a guy one night at this pub downtown.I wish I saw that dance move so I know if he is a dancing queen or just dancing jack ass.

Well, how about that? Is he gay?
I really can't tell. It's too hard for me to tell.
How can I, a girl who fell for Stephen Gateley from Boyzone and Mark Feehely from Westlife, seperate straight guys from gay people.
I just can't. My gaydar is broken!!! DAMN!

Anyway, the bottom line is Beans will never look at me the way I want him to.
That's all it matters. There is no chance whatsoever for Amy and Beans so call happy ending.
What left now...hmm...let's see...hmmm...nothing.
OOHHH Great! I have to start my love journey all over again! Or Maybe not?
I think I'll stay away from the battlefield for now.
It's not that good for me anyway, you know, love and relationship.
So why bother! Right?
Okay, this one goes for the people of the world, enjoy love while you can cause you might end up being a really unlucky whining bitch someday.
Just like me.
How lovely!

Good Luck Guys!
Kiss Kiss
Amy_Lonely :P

OHH...MY GODDDDD!!!!...>O

2005-09-09T12:48:00.000+07:00

Dear My Beloved Empty Blog
First and foremost..let me just...scream!
I went to BKK.
They wanted me to work for them.
I wanted to work for them...but I don't now.
So I told them I couldn't accept the offer...STUPID AMY!
Now guess what happen...two more people are leaving the company.
It could have been me!!!
Stupid stupid stupid Amy!!!
EWWWHEWEEEW!!!!!
I hate my luck!

Nice Life!
Yeah as if!

Amy

BKK this Sunday

2005-09-02T14:54:00.000+07:00

I'm going to Bangkok this Sunday.
I'm going there for a job interview...my first step to a better life.
I'm going there hoping to see P.K.
I'm going there fighting for my brighter days.
I'm going to Bangkok on Sunday.

I don't know if I would get the job...I mean there is a great chance that they will find me too ordinary, too fat, too talkative...too Amy.
And Amy is a loser. Not many people want to work with a loser, you know!

Anyway, do I really want this job?
You know so well what the answer is.
I'm waiting for the Airlines job.
Yep, I'm still waiting stupidly for any of those airlines to call... to pick me.
But of course, I know that I might never get that damn job at all.
That's why I started to look for other jobs.
Cause I can't wait and hope and dream that things will work themself out without any afford.
That's too hopeless...even for me.

Well, if this job is the job I have to do, I'll do it.
There are at least 4 lives depend on me right now.
I'm not gonna fail them.
I can't fail them...
Failure is not an option.

So what now?
Well, I'll never stop hoping to live happily somewhere outside Thailand.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Cause living happily in America, Europe or Australia is my ultimate dream.
So yes I'm gonna keep fighting for that.
Be happy or die trying, right?

Amy =)

P.S. My ulcers are back!! What a great life??!!??

Rainy Days

2005-08-18T14:10:00.000+07:00

I think my ulcers has come back.
I just love them for coming back!!! Damn. >:(
Anyway, what's up! How are you doing?
It has been raining and raining and raining then raining again and again everywhere.
It would be so nice to stay home and wait to see the rainbow but as 'lucky' as I am I have to go out and work everyday.
How amazing!
That's really sucks! So darn sucks!

OK...let's see what should I tell you today...how about my coming days off?
I really really need it so very bad.
I'm waiting for the days to come.
Work has been, as always, boring.
So I want some time off from work from people from everything, literally.
I guess it happens sometimes with other people too you know...being so bored that staying away seems to be the only solution.
But then again, I will be back where I am again after holidays and that is even sucker.
God God God please show me the way...show me where to go.
I want to meet new people, to do new things, to live a completely different life.
I believe...I know that all those new moves in life will surely make me feel better.
Better than where I am today cause today is not good...nothing can be worse than my daily life...trust me on that one.
I just hope somehow I would be able to pull myself back on my feet again.
It takes sometimes for that to happen...it takes times to finally find happiness wherever it is, right?
That day will come...it will come for sure.

Another silly borring story of my boring life isn't it?
Well as always, hope the next posts are brighter ones.

Amy =(

Better Life..is coming(?)

2005-08-05T12:18:00.000+07:00

Hi!

Ok Ok Ok even I have to admit that somehow things are getting tiny bit better.
The thing is I'm getting new super cool digital camera today or tomorrow.
I didn't even expect it coming, you know.
I thought it would take a few months for my Dad to buy me the new camera.
After all he just bought me a cute Hello Kitty cell phone last few months.
I think it's a gift from God to stop me from complaining sssooo much about my messy life!

Then again I'm still waiting for what I have been needing for so long...new career, better body and of course the big L letter.
It may take longer for those things to come.
But they will eventually arrive when the time is right..when I really deserve them.
At least now I can hope that good days are not THAT far away.
Hold on Amy dear...you are a good girl and you will get it all...all you ever wanted.
Not for long...not for long.

I LOVE YOU.
You Precious.

Amy_Amp =)
(Bigger Smile Today)

P.S. My P.K. never called. He was in Chiang Mai but didn't call. =(
UK movie shooting date is postponed. Well, be patience, they are coming...they are coming closer and closer...

It would be GREAT to be away for a while

2005-07-24T15:30:00.000+07:00

Hello!

I was so close to post silly, gloomy, pathetic story of my life but I change my mind.
I think I'll try to be positive this time.
You know what I have been thinking and dreaming about lately...a holiday.
Holiday here doesn't mean not going to work and sleep all day,it means going away from my daily monotonous life for a few days or weeks.
That would be really awesome!

The thing is I'm auditioning for a tiny part in a UK movie tomorrow.
If I got the part, I would be travlling to Ao Manoa.
It's one of the nicest beaches of Thailand.
I've never seen it before but heard a lot about its beauty.

I think they will pay me $100 for saying "You're doing great."
Please don't ask how much I have to pay to get there. It's way too cruel!!)

Wish me luck!
Amy =)

P.S. Anyway, P.K. is coiming home. If I'm lucky I'll be seeing P.K. by the end of this month and being a part of a movie next month! So excited!!!

My P.K.

2005-07-08T15:36:00.000+07:00

Hello! Hello! Hello!
I just finished eating my BirthDay cake.
(O.K. that's a good reason to start that abs work out today!!)
My colleagues hold an early BirthDay party for me.
Well, I like it really I do but that will never change the fact that I need to move on...real bad.
I hope my 'moving on' is coming closer and closer as the 25th year of my life is approaching.
It would be an awesome BirthDay gift...

Have you ever been liking you FRIEND so bad for so long?
I do. His name is P.K.
How long have I been knowing P.K....
Hmm..let's see...I first met him when I was 12..I'm 25 now so wow...13 years.
I have been having this so call crush on my friend for 13 years!
Well, I can't really call it a crush...it's a little bit more complicated than that.
Let's just say I like him and I BELIEVE P.K.likes me as well.
He gave me a thornless red-rose on Valentine's Day once when we were in 9th grade.
We never really been in any relationship.
He is my friend and I'm his friend, although I know,for me,P.K.is always more than friend.

So what's the problem then?
The problem...let's see...how about he always has someone beside him or he probably doesn't feel the way I feel for him.
And that's my friends...is really really bugging me.
I like him...I do... a lot actually.
I sometimes hope that he too likes me back and we can end up dating or be together.
He makes me laugh and brighten up my days.
Not many people can do that but he does.
And it scares me...it scares the hell out of me.
I know somehow P.K. is one of hundred reasons why I'm still running away from love no matter how much I need to be loved.
I think he is that guy...an ideal guy...the guy I measure everyone up against.

What's the heck is wrong with you Amy?
I don't even know why I even have to worry about that stuff.
I mean..he lives in BKK. I'm in Chiang Mai.
We are far a part. And it's not like I get to see him that often anyway.
It just...he promised me yesterday he would visit at the end of this month.
He said his visit would be like my BD present.
It makes me reallize that I never could get over him.
He has played a very important part in my childhood life and he still playes a very important part in my life these days.
So sad isn't it?
Well, it is sad...trying to give your everything to someone you can't have.
In a parallel universe P.K. and I would probably be happily not married but at least we would surely be in love.
That's will never happen not in a million years...
So stop being silly...try harder to make your friend your friend.
That's gonna make your love life less complicated! (I wish!)

Yet, another messy messy post ha?
That's me. Messy is my middle name.
I'll see ya later.

Miss Amy 'Messy' R. Shanan

Life is SUCKS!!!

2005-06-29T11:56:00.000+07:00

I officially hate my life.
Seriously, there is no goodness left for me at all.
Everything I hate is coming to me...every freaking thing I hate.
Want example...being fat again (SCREAM!!!), recieving no reply from those silly airline jobs I applied for, falling for someone who is not available and doesn't even like me, being so poor that selling my internal organs might be the only way to survive the oil price crisis, having parents that most of the time don't understand me, the worst of the worse is stucking here in Thailand when all I want is to be anywhere but here!!!!
Darnit! Darnit! Darnit! Darnit! Darnit!
Can life get any worse...for me?
Is that a trick question?
Hell..Yeah!
This is me we're talking about, right?

Well, I'm just being sacastic you know.
Of course I too want a good life.
After all everyone deserves that, I guess!?

Gatta go now...hope the next post is less bad.

Amy >:(

When I Thought My Life is Getting Better...

2005-06-26T16:28:00.000+07:00

Hi!

Well, guess what has happened...I failed again.
EK starts calling people for an interview.
I'm not one of those people.

Again this shit happen to me.
My life will never be better.
I'm sure about that now.
Nothing good will happen to me.

That's all I want to say.
Hope life treat you better.

Amy

P.S. My Life Quote:
"You don't understand! I could had class. I coulda been the contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am."
On the Waterfront, 1954

After a while Crocodile. Life is getting Better!

2005-06-24T09:53:00.000+07:00

Hello!
This is me Amy again.
Well, my first plan of "flying away" from my job has failed.
I went to Academy Fantasia audition and of course there are someone else better than me. Yeah! better than me! =P
That's not really my dream anyway.
I want to go abroad being a part of the show will keep me here.
And I don't want that.

Oh Oh don't get me wrong I love Thailand so much.
It's just...life is hard here...my life is soooo hard living here and I want out.
My time in America was so great and I miss that life.
I will never ever find that kind of freedom and happiness here in my home country.
Irony isn't it?
This time if I have a chance to go back there, I would not come back unless I get my greencard.
I will also try to take Mom, my sister and my cats with me.
I would be extreamly happy!!

Anyway, I'm still waiting for some replies from the two airlines I applied for earlier this year.
I hope they call me and like and of course hire me.

Life is getting better and better and better.
That's my believe.
God has good plan for me.
No matter how sad life is at the moment, tomorrow will always be a better day!
Guarantee!!! =)

Amy

Darn, Heart Break!

2005-06-08T09:18:00.000+07:00

Hi There!
It's Amy again. (Who else can it be!)
You know what...the boy is taken!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!
I was kinna chatting with the boy on MSN yesterday...and somehow he told me he had a girlfriend!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!
He met that girl 4 months ago!
I wanna scream!
I just hate it! I mean...you know...I fall for someone things look good for awhile.
Next thing I know he becomes gay or has a girlfriend!!!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!
It's a pattern...it's how my so called 'LOVE' always end up.
Like I said it's a pattern.
That's the main reason why I'm still single.
I'm not being picky or anything.
I guess...I believe that's Karma from I have no idea when or where.
It doesn't make any sense!
Why do we have to pay or take any responsibility for something we can't even remember we did!!!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!

Gotta Go.
I'm so sick of being lonely.

Amy =(

P.S. Song of the day... Lonely No More=Rob Thomas

Boy, Interupted

2005-06-01T14:20:00.000+07:00

Well...How Dy?
I feel pretty good actually.
What can I say...hmm..I don't feel THAT good.
I don't even know how to start telling you this.
I think...I feel that...I believe that I'm falling for someone.
There it is. I just said it, have I?
I have been out of this thing for so long like...2-3 years I guess!
Yes, it's been almost 3 years since the last time I believe I fall for someone outside the Screen.
Now the boy is sitting a few steps away.
It's just...I don't know I like the fact that I'm falling for someone again.
It keeps me alive you know.
But the fact that I have been away from the battle field for so long makes this feeling somehow rather scary for me.
I don't know...I just don't know.
It's complicated.
I know the boy has someone.
With his looks and his sense of humor and his guitar...I bet lots of girls are more than happy to line up for him.
What I'm feeling right now is surely one-sided thing.
And that's just so sad so sad that I have to write the story on my blog. =(
I wish I could just snap my fingers and get rid of this feeling for good.
Of course I cannot do that.
Darn it!!
What should I do with him?
I hope the Airline accept me or the next best thing to be on Academy Fantasia so I don't have to deal with this feeling again. (Loser!!)
That would be the perfect perfect solution for this messy messy situation.
OH....DARN IT!!!!!!

Gatta Go!
I hate how I feel!
Darn it!

Amy =O

We are the Chiampion!!!!!! =)

2005-05-27T11:17:00.000+07:00

Hey! Great News, Great News!!!!
We won the UEFA Champion League 2005! **=)**
Thanks God for making one of my long time dreams came trough.
You have no idea how long I have been waiting for the day to came.
Ten years...yes I have been The Kop for 10 years.
I bet no one understand how happy we feel unless you are one of us.
We are back!
Our glorious days are back.
And it will get better and better each day!!!

The match was such a miracle.
Milan had 3 while we had none after the first half.
Lots of people gave up after they saw that score.
I was so glad The REAL fan didn't.
They started to sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" so loud and believe it or not they did help brought up the team spirit!!
I wish I was there so I could celebrate with the rest of my fellow friends!
But of course, I was at home screaming and crying. =)

Nothing can really bring me down now..for another while even the fact that my career plan is still...well...sucks and messy.
The fact that my childhood dream finally came through gives me this...so called enlightenment.
If my Liverpool, after all the walk on rocky road, could win that match with such a handsome result makes me realize that I, too, can win anything I set my mind up for!!!!

I know what I am writing does not really make sense for some people but I'm on high and it just...amazing.
That's what I can say now.
No matter where the road takes The Kop, I sure follow.
Nothing can take this happiness away from me cause after all I know I'll never walk alone.

The Kop Forever and Ever
Amy =)

It's Amy =)

2005-05-22T15:22:00.000+07:00

Dear Blogger

It's Amy as usaual.
I'm back after a really LONG pause.
I wasn't really myself...you know the pills I was taking and the flu and fever I just recovered from and of course th disappoint from my first SERIOUS attempt to become a flight attendant.
Again..no oppotunity to go for an interview.
I wish they could at least call me for English Test and Interview.
They were shallow for judging people from their covers aka. photo.
I'm not a photogenic person then what no chance forever!!!
Darn! I hate that! =(

Anyway, I recently found another way to ruin my self-respect...Academy Fantasia II.
I'll try my best not to give up before they tell me "You know what we like you but you gotta go!"
If that really happen...I would be ok..I guess.
After all ou can't lose what you never had, right?

Gotta go now.
Wish Me Luck, I really need it!

Amy

Just Drop By

2005-05-18T15:23:00.000+07:00

I thought I was going to post something new today but I have some errand to do...
So I guess, I'll see you later.
Just want you to know I'm still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEE HA!!!!

Amy =)

Qatar Airlines turns me down!
Your lost, my friend!!!

Sad Sad Sad =(

2005-05-04T12:35:00.000+07:00

I am so sad.
I am so so sad.
I am so so so sad.
I was crying my eyes out last night.
For what reasons...I have no idea.
Everything seemed to be a perfect reason to cry.
I was taking to God too.
I told him everything I felt about the life I'm living.
I basically told him how much I hated my life.
I have the worst parents, job, health, self-esteem, love life, personal life etc.
I could not find anything in life that I want to treasure.
I thought my Mom was my best friend but I was wrong.
Everything was always about her. She got angry at me for saying "I'm working everyday to support you."
How can you get mad at your daughter for speaking her mind esp when that thing was the truth.

I have been taking care of my family since I graduated.
It has been over two years now.
I have to take care of my family expenses for over two years.
My Dad stopped paying for the family expenses after I got my Kingsmill job.
He assumed that I could take all the responsibility by myself but he was wrong.
I can't take it...no more. I should be living a life...my life not their lives.
I can't go anywhere with my friends anymore because I can't afford that.
I am the oldest 24 years old woman in the world.

I had plan back when I was in high school to find a job and took post-graduate program so working won't be too boring but I can't do that.
If I took that program, we won't have anything to eat...and we then will die.
So doing what I want like studying, taking trips with riends or doing not-well-paid job is selfishness.
I would never be able to live my life as long as I can't provide my family a good fortune.
That's a life I'm living right now.

I would be so much better and easier for me to deal with this whole thing if I have someone for me, someone to believe, someone to keep me warm, someone who never ever leave me alone, someone I can rely on forever....of course there is no one like that for me, at least.
So I turn to God. He was the only one I can think of in these times of hardness.
I pray every night for better life even though I don't even know if he can hear my prayers.
I can't stop believing in him. I can't. He is my only hope now.
I don't know how long does it take for God to finally hears your prayers and rescues you from your darkest days...I hope it's not too long.
I'm too tired to wait that long.
Still I have this tiny little part of me that somehow believe that someday in the future when I come back to this entry I'll be laughing my ass off instead of crying my eyes out.
That day WILL come. It MUST come cause I have been such a good girl and asking for happiness...to be able to live my life shouldn't be too much.
I'll wait for that day. And I'll never stop believing no matter how sucks my life is!!!

Hope you have better life!!
Be Happy!

Amy =(

The Pills I'm Taking

2005-04-27T12:36:00.000+07:00

How Dy?
I wish I could say I'm doing fine but I can't.
I'm sick, literally.
I feel dizzy all the time.
I'm also having this so call black out every other hour.
It's sooooooo scary.
I know these are the side-effects from the diet pills I'm taking recently.
I lose 4 kgs after dental surgery and taking these pills.
I have leaner body and I love it.
I hope to lose 2 more but the pills are killing me.
That's why I decided to stop taking them this weekend.
I'll go back to the clinic and aks for the other set of pills that we suppose to take to stop weight loss process.
(If I don't die within this week!!)
I hope the stop pills won't hurt me so much.
I would never take diet pills if I don't want to be a flight attendant so bad.
The main reason I'm taking these pills is no airline hire fat cabin crew.
I don't know what gonna happen next week after I stop taking these pills.
I hope my leaner body stays with me.
Please stay with me...I have done so much even risking my life to be thin.
God make me thin and healthy please...

Amy

My Favourite Quotes Episode II

2005-04-13T12:16:00.000+07:00

I have been searching for many interesting quotes from many places and now it's time to put them up here.
Most of the quotes come from movies and tv series.
I really love them all.
So..enjoy!!

P.S. I got 925 points from TOEIC test!!! Love it!

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Lance Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't anything to regret for the rest of their life. Well good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.

Peter La Fleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.

Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".

Ally McBeal

I like being a mess. It's who I am.

"I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I just need things to happen."

You know I just got this piano, sometimes I sing this song it's called goodnight my someone...and it's about...well, basically it's a love song about someone you never met but you know is out there. And I dunno we make so few promises to ourselves as we grow up and one of them is that on our wedding day we walk down the aisle with someone we love. Somebody who does make your heart bounces, I guess. And there are some promises that I think we have to keep.

Georgia Thomas: Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else's?
Ally McBeal: They're mine.

Richard Fish: Let me tell you something. I didn't become a lawyer because I like the law; the law sucks. It's boring, but it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody? Cost him everything he's worked for? Make his wife leave him, even make his kids cry? Yeah, we can do that.

Richard Fish: Make enough money, and everything else will follow. Quote me. That's a Fishism

Ally McBeal: Love isn't always enough.
Larry: Yeah, it is. You go without it long enough and you realize it's everything.

Scrubs

"I think the second you stop fighting it, time really is on your side, and you can go on being who you are."

J.D.: But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.

So, I guess Turk was right after all: Miracles do happen. I think you just have to be willing to look for them.

I like to think that your life comes down to the choices you've made along the way like standing up to a superior or the choice to focus on what you have in common, instead of what you don't or the choice to let someone help you, for once. In the end, you just have to trust your decisions. And hopefully, you'll land on solid ground.

I usually don't like thinking about the future. I mean, let's face it; you can't predict what's gonna happen. But sometimes, the thing you didn't expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is just stop trying to figure out where you're going, and just enjoy where you're at.

I don't think people are meant to be by themselves. That's why, if you actually find someone you care about it’s important to let go of the little things Even if you can't let go all the way. Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone...no matter how many people are around.

I guess, in the end, things seldom work out exactly the way you expect. Other times, well, you've kind of sealed your own fate. Either way, you have to trust that whatever's supposed to happen, will happen. Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.

Miscellaneous

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person really knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that you were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?” -While you were sleeping

If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.

Life is tough; it's tougher when you're stupid. - John Wayne

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite

People only talk about you because you are what they wish they were.

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have love, today is beautiful.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Do what makes you happy. After all, you're the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror every day.

Hope is what you live on while you wait for your dreams to come true.

"When you really look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they're actually beautiful. Possibly even me." - My So-Called Life

All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us. -The Wonder Years

Back in Actions

2005-04-06T13:25:00.000+07:00

Hey! 'S up? I'm back!!
Many interesting things have happened within the past few weeks.
Firstly I finally had my tooth removed!
That was one of the biggest achievement for me.
I have been having this big dental surgery phobia thing going on for years.
I was so afraid of it that I passed out once after one dental surgery.
They sent me to the ER cause they thought I was dying!!!
Well, the lastest one went ok.
I'm glad I didn't pass out this time.(I blacked out a bit though!)

Secondly I took TOEIC exam for the second time.
I got 850 or something last time.
I hope my score is higher this time.
But I was "BLANKED" for at least 5 minutes during the listening test.
I hope my speculation on those "BLANKED" questions were right!

Next..I'm going to a diet clinic this evening.
Need to go to the extreme to make an impact.
I hope I can reduce my big belly, fat cheeks, broad shoulder, oh so big thighs without killing myself with the nagative side effects of the pills I'm about to take.
Com' on it only takes a few weeks to lose 5 kgs, am I right?
I have to go to the clinic cause I have been dieting for almost 2 months but I'm still fat!!!
Flight attendants need to be thinner.
Wish me luck!

Finally, I am altering my religion.
I'm becoming a Christian now.
I asked God to give a sign if I was meant to a Christian.
He did gave me three signs.And that was enough for me.
I'm not so sure if I can be a good Christian but I try my best.
After all it's always nice to have something to hold on to, isn't it.

That's all for now.
I'll talk to you soon.
Amy =)

The Perfect Man

2005-03-24T14:20:00.000+07:00

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.

The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.

He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is gay

From: http://www.coffeerooms.com/forums/gurlfriends/laughs/index.html