The New Hope

Dear dear...

Another oppotunity for me to screwed up...I'm going to Phuket next month for Qatar interview.
It sacares the shit out of me cause it will cost me so much to get there.
Then again I need to be brave and go for it.
The person who is too sacred to start will never get out of here.
(That what John said back when I was working at The Three Rocks.)
I'll go to Phuket even if I fail, this trip would be the vacation I desperately need.

Now, let me take you back to last week when I got really angry with pretty much everything and kinna lock myself up in my own rage.
I was mad at Dad, at my never-ending shitty sucky unlucky life and of course I was mad as God too.
I stopped all forms of communication with my family.
I stopped calling Mom and turned my mobiles off for days and days just to let them know I was mad as hell.
It worked...Mom said she tried to call me but never got through.
Dad said I stopped call him after I got the laptop...why would I call him?
There is nothing good about calling my Dad these days.
There is nothing but things he said that will hurts my feeligs.

Then today I saw a postcard sending from my sister telling story about my cat which I just had a dream about last night.
Suddenly it hit me...I was so lonely without them. (Not my Dad though!)
No matter how disfunctional they are...I still need them badly.
They are a part of me and always will be.
That makes it impossible for me to just shut them out.
So I decided to call my Mom and cried my eyes out.
Mom said she was to come to see me.
She told me to be patient with God.
He always had his plan for us...even the shitty one like mine.
(Guess He thinks the plan He has for me is the best one.)
Come on God, bet you can do better than this!

Anyhow, I'm not completely ready to make nice quite yet.
But I'll stop being Too angry and start putting all my energy on how to get myself out of here asap.
I'm not gonna wait around for some princes in white horse with shiny armer.
I'll go the distance myself and hope that God will really listen to my prayer and give me what I NEED and WANT, not something He THINKS is good for me.
Here it is my confession. As always hope you guys have better life out there.

Good life folkS!

Amy

Four Wedding (s)!

Dear Bloggers

First thing first, let me clarify something here...none of the wedding(s)is
"My Wedding!"

It's been a month since the last time I was here.
Nothing changed much though...except one thing...my old friend got married.
It kinna ruin my vacation plan a bit, you know, to go to the wedding.
My original plan was to go home after Songkran but I had to change that plan and as you know I'm not good at adjusting my strict schedule!
Then again, I really wanted to be there for her.
I really wanted to meet all my old friends back from high school (and see how life treated us so far.)
I'm so glad I did change my vacation plan and attended the wedding.

It just like one of so many "suburb" wedding which is totally not what I wanted for myself...(If I ever had a chance to marry at all!)
Very loud country music with heavy make-up almost naked singer/dancers, boosts, guests who wear whatever they feel like and you know...all those stuff.
Still my friend looked so beautiful in her traditional Thai style wedding dress.
I could see in her eyes she was so happy so did the groom.
I think the wedding ceremony is, afterall, just for friends and families of the couple to come and eat and drink and get drunk or something along the line.
For the couple...none of those matters to them.
All they want is each other. I mean...for me it's sappy and kinna grose but for people who are deeply in love, it's true...all they need is each other.

The thing is I really don't know how someone falls so deeply in love like that.
I don't know how love make someone so beautiful and happy.
It's just one of the never-ending puzzle for me.
And I might never figure out how love can just softly change your life completly.
Well, guesss I'm gonna have to wait for that?
Cause the last time I checked...it took another 3 years for me to find The One...
DAMN!!!

Amy