Never Been More True

Please forgive me...

I am talking, complaining, yalbing WAY too much about my plan to get out of this God forsaken place.
(I think it's the perfect name to call a place where you can see dead bodies floating along the river once in a while.)
I'm gonna stop complaining now...with my co-workers at least.
Most of them are not to be trusted. It's dog eats dog world here.
And it's definately not a place for a blunt girl like me.

Anyhow, I was sent to the pier a few hours ago.
It was so dark and so dangerous to escort some of the VERYYYYYYY VIP complimentary guests.(AKA stay at the-5-star for free cause they are travel magazine writers. That's another reason I want to be a famous writer!)
It was against all the border laws and I could get shot easily by Burmese soldiers to use international river after 6 PM.
However, my camp manager did not give a damn.
All he said was it's important for these guests to check in by boat!!!
What the FUCK!! What about my life then? Is it worth anything at all?
Guess we know the answer very well, right?
(Well, to be fare, at least he showed his responsibility by going to the sacary pier with us but that's not really helping.)

Well, I talked to one of a few people here that I trust about the shit.
She told me if I woke up and hated to come to work so much, I needed to stop whining and started to look for jobs elsewhere.
Looing for job elsewhere seems so easy but that's the problem my friends.
There are no jobs elsewhere for me at the moment.
This particular job I'm doing is finacially nice...you know.
And the fact that I can't find other jobs that are equally financially rewarding is killing me, slowly.
That's the cause of all my sicknesses...physically and mentally.
(eyes infection, migrane, stomach ache, skin allegy, tooth decay, home sickness, unhappiness waves that hit me again and agian etc.)

I am so bored of this thing, still can't seem to go nowhere.
I'm just...stuck. I need to shut down my brain quick, in order to protect myself.
If I do that I might at least find peace at night and smile when I wake up.
It will be a terrible time I know for sure.
It will be a very very terrible thing to endure but I have to deal with it.
I will send even more applications to many many places in the world where I can be truly happy with my life.
I will send applications to all the places that will cost me fortune just to apply.
I will send applications to UK, USA, Australia..esp. USA so I can live a freedom life once again.
Hope I will find my way out of this whole thing eventually.
Hope it won't be too long to find the way out.

Wish me luck you guys...that's what I really really need now.

Thanks!

Amy

P.S. Tiny thing that put a tiny smile on my face. There is this young guy who had a dream about me...naked!! Should I puke or should I smile and be flattered. It's kinna grose right? By the way, he is kinna 'almost' cute.