The New Hope

Dear dear...

Another oppotunity for me to screwed up...I'm going to Phuket next month for Qatar interview.
It sacares the shit out of me cause it will cost me so much to get there.
Then again I need to be brave and go for it.
The person who is too sacred to start will never get out of here.
(That what John said back when I was working at The Three Rocks.)
I'll go to Phuket even if I fail, this trip would be the vacation I desperately need.

Now, let me take you back to last week when I got really angry with pretty much everything and kinna lock myself up in my own rage.
I was mad at Dad, at my never-ending shitty sucky unlucky life and of course I was mad as God too.
I stopped all forms of communication with my family.
I stopped calling Mom and turned my mobiles off for days and days just to let them know I was mad as hell.
It worked...Mom said she tried to call me but never got through.
Dad said I stopped call him after I got the laptop...why would I call him?
There is nothing good about calling my Dad these days.
There is nothing but things he said that will hurts my feeligs.

Then today I saw a postcard sending from my sister telling story about my cat which I just had a dream about last night.
Suddenly it hit me...I was so lonely without them. (Not my Dad though!)
No matter how disfunctional they are...I still need them badly.
They are a part of me and always will be.
That makes it impossible for me to just shut them out.
So I decided to call my Mom and cried my eyes out.
Mom said she was to come to see me.
She told me to be patient with God.
He always had his plan for us...even the shitty one like mine.
(Guess He thinks the plan He has for me is the best one.)
Come on God, bet you can do better than this!

Anyhow, I'm not completely ready to make nice quite yet.
But I'll stop being Too angry and start putting all my energy on how to get myself out of here asap.
I'm not gonna wait around for some princes in white horse with shiny armer.
I'll go the distance myself and hope that God will really listen to my prayer and give me what I NEED and WANT, not something He THINKS is good for me.
Here it is my confession. As always hope you guys have better life out there.

Good life folkS!

Amy