Photoshoot

Dear Bloggers

Well, I went to Chiang Khong the other day with my boss.
He is one hell of a photographer!
It was a great chance for me to have my photo taken since we had the same day off.
That day was a little bit cloudy but my boss said it would be ok for the photoshoot.
Well, we did went to Chiang Khong and got many great pictures.




He did said at one point that it was the hardest thing in his life to take my pictures!
I have to admit it, all I can do is funny faces.
I am a funny lady.
That's why you'll never see me on a cover of a magazine or on any big screen.
I do post some of the pics here.
I think I look nice...don't you think?

Amy

Peace Will Come Inside So Quiet

Dear Blogger

My life has been so mess up for months.
It started with my broken ankle, several break ups with the same guy, my cat's injured ear, my sister worst European journey, my dad craziness and my sucky health.
I was hopeless from time to time.
I was sort of happy from time to time.
I feel so peaceful sometimes...not so often but sometimes.

I like the feeling, feeling of peacefulness.
It feels so nice when peace comes inside.
The world seems so small and not scary at all.
I felt that way last night and felt it agian this afternoon while walking back from the far end of The Camp.
I knew right then, the certain feeling I love the most came from within.
Our mind is the best thing God gives us.
It can lead you just about anywhere beyond your imagination.

I think I need to say "Thanks" to Miss Chu, the principle.
She sort of help me with this.
I was inches away from the edge and was ready to jump and be ruined forever.
Then she came for a rescue.
I should have talked to her a long time ago.
Things around me would be easier...
I thank God for the talk.

I'm on my way to be a better person now...at least that what I will do my best.
I will try hard to be nice to everyone I meet...even that other woman.
(Will definately take some time for me to get there, eventually and gracefully.)

Joey was here earlier as well.
He was with me for awhile and I felt peace and saw open doors and never ending happiness that were ahead of me.
Within 2 years..,only 2 years to wait.
I can do that...I am so sure this time.

AT the end of the tunnel, my fulfilled life is waiting.

Amy =)

Emptiness

It feels weird after letting Joey go.

I was mad at him and told him to leave forever.

Now I feel really bad not knowing where he is and if he ever comes back in my life again.

Does it mean all the things he said has gone too?

That would make the future so gloomy and so scary for me!!!

Hope he still wait for me somewhere.

I miss you Joe!

Your Mama

Dear God

Dear God

This is your sheep, Amy.
I have so many things to say to you.
Some are confessions, words to show how greatful I am and of course some prayers.

I need to tell you that I have been lying to Mommy about my relationship.
I know how she feels about the guy, the relationship and the fact that he's married.
Mom hates it so much cause afterall her love one has been stolen.
I am, on the other hand, is a theif, stealing other woman husband.
I am not pround of that at all.
I am everything Mommy hates. I am everything I hated my whole life.
I am nothing but a low-life whore who is not even good enough to be THE ONE AND ONLY.
But why am I doing it?
Maybe because I look at him and I smile.
My heart beats faster, happier just to think of him.
Being with him, holding him tight is what I want to do.
Is this love? Am I really in love?
Maybe I am. The question is does he love me enough to make me THE ONE AND ONLY?

God, apart from the sad story above, I need to thank you.
I asked for love and you gave it to me.
Not the way I expected though.
But who am I to complain?
It is always better to love and lost than never loved at all, right?
Although it would be nicer to take all the pain of sharing him away...
The ride will be so plaesant without worrying all the time what happen when I'm out of the picture.
That's what kiiling me every waking day.

Then agian you heal my inside.
I have no serious illness (beside unbearable amount of stressfulness.)
I'm glad I'm doing ok, physically.
Thank you for that.
I'm glad my Dad is finally started to realize that I have been having a very hard life providing all the money and other stuff for Mom and my sis.
Hope this me being the head of the house will soften him and he will somehow take some action and make my life easier and happier.
And I'm also so thankful that my sis survived all the tasks you gave her.
She is now on the way to the glory land. Good for her.

Last but not least, some prays from me yours truly.
I pray that you remember to get me out of here in one piece as soon as possible.
It is too painful for me to stay here.
If you can't take me out yet...kindly stop my pain of being another woman.
I can ask you to get her out or make him choose me but walking away is easier.
Afterall, Joe told me the guy would never leave her.
No matter what he says, he loves her and they were made for each other.
They will always be together and I will fade away soon.
That's why I'm begging you God to help me.
Please take me to the place where I can be truly happy.
The place where I can find a HOME for my love, mine only, home for Joey and HOME for me.
I just want the man that always be there when I need him.
A man that I can call my own.
Someone I can have and hold for all my life.
I dont want to share my love with anyone again ever.
Is it too much to ask?
I hope not...

Thank you so much God for your time.
I pray to you in the name of The Lord Jesus Crist.
AMEN

Your Sheep, Amy

Update

OK

It is still a secret.

She went to the apartment and he was sleeping at his friend's room not mine!

We were so close to be busted.

Well, we should be busted so he could just choose between me and her!

Amy

The Most Exciting Part!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear All

The most exciting part of my relationship...the part when that other woman is about to find out!
It has been a secret to her for over 2 months now.

She is looking all over the town for him.
He is sleeping so happily.
I am so freaking out.

Shits about to hit me, right?
Hope I can call him and warn him before we both get killed.
She is unstable and very very very crazy!
I'll come back and update what happen tomorrow!

WISH ME LUCK!!!

God...please help me!
Your Sheep Amy

Mess

Dear Blogger

I have to admit it...
My last post was so lame!
It happened before, you know, posting songs or whatever cause I had nothing to say.
However, it is different this time.
I have WAY too much stories to share and I just don't know where to start.

Well, let's just put it this way...the relationship I have is an unhealthy one.
We broke up 3 times already since we got together 2 months ago.
That other woman of his is moving back to his place and it's killing me just to think what might happen when they are alone together.
Man!!!!I hate that so badly!!!

Anyhow, there are so many things that I need to worry right now.
For instance my little sis is going to Belgium and will spend a nice life there,
I still have no idea where to go after The Golden Triangle since my Swiss plan has been postponed, the worst of the worst of the worst thing is I can't seem to find my Joe anywhere...
It worries me a bit is he already HERE with me?
That would be a disaster!
I'm not ready for that yet...and bet the guy is not ready for my Joe too.
But then again the last time we spoke 'DAD is COMING.' not 'Dad is HERE.'
RIGHT?

Well, we have to wait and see how my story turn out!

Amy

I Don't Wanna Fight

I can't sleep, everything I ever knew
Is a lie without you
I can't breathe, when my heart is broke in two
There's no beat without you
You're not gone but you're not here
At least that's the way it seems tonight
If we could try to end these wars
I know that we can make it right
Cause Baby

I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't wanna have to try
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
Cause I don't want to fight
No more

How can I leave, when everything that I adore
And everything I'm living for girl it's in you
I can't dream, sleepless nights have got me bad
The only dream I ever had is being with you

I know that we can make it right
It's gonna take a little time
Let's not leave ourselves with no way out
Let's not cross that line
(That line)

I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you
I don't wanna have to try
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
Cause I don't want to fight no more

Remember that I made a vow that I would never let you go
I meant it then I mean it now and I want to tell you so

I don't wanna fight no more
(oh no)
I forgot what we were fighting for
And this loneliness that's in my heart
Won't let me be apart from you

I don't wanna have to try
(no)
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
(can we start)
Cause I don't want to fight
No more

I don't wanna fight no more
I forgot what we were fighting for
(oh and this loneliness)
And this loneliness that's in my heart
(in my heart)
Won't let me be apart from you
(from you, no)
I don't wanna have to try
(don't wanna try)
Girl to live without you in my life
So I'm hoping we can start tonight
(I'm hoping, I'm hoping yeah)
Cause I don't want to fight
No more

So alone without you, without you

By : WESTLIFE

Addictive

I have become one of those people who are so crazy about thier love ones!

It was so not nice seeing people doing that.

Well, I kinna get it now why being in a relationship makes you that way.

It is so nice and so wonderful. It feels like cherry blossoms and butterflies and that's how high I am now.

I hope the feelings stay for some time, cause I found out it's not that bad at all to fall.

It's got even better when you know someone will be there to catch you.

Bye bye for now.

From Happy Amy

The New World

We broke up a week ago and got back together a day after that.
And today is a new day for me.
It's been 27 years and today it's different.
I don't even know how I really feel at the moment.
It's just sort of relief in a way being able to go through with it.

I don't know what will happen after this.
I just don't care...really I don't.
It happened because I wanted it to happen.
What comes next is in the hands of God now.
Still I hope I will be out of here before shits hit the fan.

Welcome to the new world LADY!
Amy

My Old Post

Back in the day, I wrote pretty nice thing about being single and how I liked it.
I went back and spent a few minutes reading that.
And man...I miss being an old hag. I do dude!

It was easier back then...my life.
I walked freely, had enough sleep and didn't have to give a shit about anything.
Now I share this guy with a not-so-cute-woman, though he kinna dig me, it starts to bug me a bit.
The fact that he is trying to control me is far worse than him being taken.
I'm man enough to admit that he belongs to someone else.
It doesn't bother me that much. I kinna like it when he is with her.
I need spaces...lots of spaces and he won't give me that unless his girl is near.

I thought we're like 2 kids hanging out, having fun but not fot this guy.
He takes everything seriously and try to make me his dream girl.
I mean why do I, Amy, have to take care of someone's feelings?
I mean I'm the Queen(Drama Queen,) people should spoil me.
That's the way things were for the past 26 years. And I enjoyed that!!

I have to sort of tone myself down a bit just to make sure being me won't bother the guy so much.
He is not supposed to be that whining. I thought I chose the right guy.
After all this relationship is about helping me become a secure and mature lady.
Why would I bother hanging out with someone equally emotionally retarded?
He should be my solid ground not the other way around.

Anyhow, it's just something I would like to share with you after a long pause.
I just don't know how to put these things here.
It's WAY too hard, too complicated trying to tell you guys about this.
Well, Gotta go now. I'll see you later then.

Be Well!
Amy
Link to the Old Post: http://amyamp.blogspot.com/2005_11_01_archive.html

This is Amy

Hey!

Long time no see.
How are things?
I'm good...
Well, let just put things this way...
Hmm I'm kinna in a so-called relationship currently.
Promise I will come back to tell you more on this later.

Later!
Amy =)

I'm Back on My Feet

OK, Folks!

Now I'm back on my feet and so ready to castrate any jerks who come my way.
And I mean it.

I was WAY too emotional for weeks and it was not me.
Thinking about how I behave the past few weeks made me sick to my stomach.
It was so humiliating to tell the world that I was falling.
I am sure now, I'm not anywhere near the 'L' word.

That guy is a jerk. He really is.
He has a wife whom he loves SooooOOOOoo very much.
Still he tries to charm all kinds of female species ever walked the earth.
I feel so cheap to even think a guy like that can make me fall. >=(

Amy, from now on, aim high, shoot high.
Don't ever let any random guys bring you down.
Be toughed and focused!
Remember, Joe's Dad is waiting.


Amy
The Fighter

P.S. Well, there are many suckers around me right now. They try so hard to ask me out, to get into my room...and all of them try very hard to get into my pants! As if I'm gonna let them win. I warn you, bitchy Amy is coming out again. Keep mess up with me, they'll see how scary I can be!!!

Obsessed

Dear Blogger

Remember the guy from my previous blog?
I put on his wedding ring yesterday and it fit me perfectly.

No no no nothing happened between us YET...
It's just I asked him why his wedding ring was on his right hand.
He took it off and said it was too big for his left hand.
I asked him if I could see the ring.
He gave it to me. I was about to put it in my finger but I stopped.
He said 'Try it on, I don't mind.'
And I did...it felt so good.

I won't give a damn about anything now.
If he falls for me, I'll jump right in.
Whatever happens is a part of the plan.
Things happen for reasons, right?
Maybe this is the reason why God puts me here in the first place.
Who knows?

With Love

Amy
(Obsessed girl who won't take responsible for anything)

Love

Dear Blogger,

I have been trying so hard not to admit something.
I told people I didn't give a tiny rat ass about love and relationship.
I lied. I DO give shit about love in a big way to be exact.
It just scares me to let myself fall because as we all know falling is not a pleasant thing.
So I built this tall and strong wall just to shut everyone up.
I even have the list of IDEAL guy which I add more and more qualities everyday.
All I want is to make sure I won't fall for anyone so easily.

Around a month ago, my sister told me she watched Practical Magic.
(The wry, comic romantic tale follows the Owens sisters, Sally and Gillian, as they struggle to use their hereditary gift for practical magic to overcome the obstacles in discovering true love. From www.imdb.com)
I look at my life and sometimes feel like I'm one of the sisters in that movie.
Sally Owen, the older sister cast this spell so she won't fall in love with any random guys.

Young Sally Owens: He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.
Young Gillian Owens: What are you doing?
Young Sally Owens: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air. He'll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye and one blue.
Young Gillian Owens: Thought you never wanted to fall in love.
Young Sally Owens: That's the point. The guy I dreamed of doesn't exist. And if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart.

I did the same thing.
I even prayed from time to time asking God to shut my heart completely.
You know what happen?
It turns to be some kind of a curse on me.
I'm so afraid to get intimate, to let someone in and so afraid to fall in love.
Every time I feel that a certain guy I hang out with has the potential to make me fall, I run away.
It is crazy right? I have LOVE PHOBIA..
The fact that being in love scares the hell out of me indicates that.

Then around a week ago something happened, thing that is about to change my life completely.
That evening, I was working at the bar with this guy, another woman’s hubbie, and also with my boss.
(The hubbie was everything I didn’t like in guys, hates Liverpool FC, smoking a lot, not nice teeth, so thin, average height, not so romantic, non-Caucasian and married!)
Anyhow, I was so bored with X and Horny incident and decided to become a nun or at least to stay away from love for as long as I could.
My boss said no Amy what a waste! You might think it’s so bored and you’re so sick of love but your heart is another thing. You can’t control it.

After that I spent some nights thinking about that speech and the truth hit me very very very hard.
It’s true…no matter how hard you try, your heart will beat with its own drum and it won’t listen to you.
And I discovered something then, I am falling.
Against all the rules and lists I have, I’m falling for a guy who has absolutely nothing compares to the IDEAL guy at all.
There I was sitting in my room, speechless and so shocked.

I talk to my baby Joe about this and he said things happened for a reason.
If I were to fall for this guy, then let’s fall.
Maybe he would be the one who helps me destroy the wall I built a long time ago.
He might be the one to help me overcome my fear.
I honestly don’t know what would happen after this.
It scares me so much just to think about it.
Hope whatever happens will somehow make me realize that falling isn’t that bad after all.
I might as well enjoy the ride and I might as well become more emotionally stable for Joe’s sake.
I will be very careful with it. As Gillian, the other sister in Practical Magic, said…
Gillian Owens: You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast?
Antonia Owens: She does it all the time.
Gillian Owens: She does? Well, that's what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can't see what's happening to the people around you. You can't see that you're about to fall.

I will come back to tell you more on this. And maybe, just maybe, the next time we meet I will be almost normal.
Who knows? Don’t you think?

With Love
Amy

Horny Guy

Hey you!

How are things?
Where were we the last time? Yeah, I remember now. We were talking about X, right?
This time I'll tell you another story about another guy, a very horny guy.
I'll call him Horny then.

Remember a guy who had a dream about me naked? That's Horny.
He WAS a nice boy. He had a very adorable girlfriend.
I don't give a damn about their relationship.
I think, they had plan to move to the new Four Seasons together.
However, Horny didn't make the cut so only his girl moved to the new branch.

Well, that dream of me happened a month ago, just a week after the girl left.
I thought it was funny and harmless. I was flattered a bit at one point.
Anyhow, the kid started to scare me more and more each day.
The thing was I called him once to borrow some movies.
He went to my room that evening and asked if I could help him find some songs.
I thought it was nothing.
I had hundred of songs and didn't mind sharing them with people.
And he started to call me, sent text messages and knocked on my door every night.
It was cool at first. Then he started to talk about moving in together.
I thought he was kidding.I was so stupid.
He really meant what he said.

The freakiest night was three night ago.
I had really bad day at work and really really needed to get drunk.
(I promised I would tell you about the get drunk story here. It's related to the next guy on my list. Please wait and see.)
There was this farewell party at staff apartment that evening.
I went there for like ten minutes and found no fun.
Horny was also there and was thrilled to see me.
I believed he was upset to see me leave so early.
After that I went to a bar with my friend and got so drunk.
I went back to my room at around 10 PM.
Horny called a few minutes after I got back.
I told him not to come cause I was too drunk.
He was drunk also and said we should be drunk together!!! Grose!!!

And yes he came to my room. I tried to kicked him out.
He was so strong and managed to open the door.
He said he wanted new songs.
I was kinna scared but at the same time so sure I would be able to handle him.
He showed many many pictures of me he kept in his cell phone.
He got them from sport day at the camp.
He even tried to take my picture while I was downloading those songs for him.
After he got his songs, I told him to leave.
He said no and would spent a night in my room.
At that point I was shaking. My brain was working so hard trying to get rid of him.
I wanted kick myself to let thing got this far.

Then there was a phone call, a voice of heaven, from my faourite girl in the world, my heroine...Horny's Girlfriend.
She missed him, I think. She called to see if he's alright.
That was my chance so I started to talk so loud that he had to get out of my room.
I went out as well, hoping to put thing straight.
He was talking with his girlfriend and tried very hard not to tell her about his behaviour.
After hung up, he told me he forgot something in my room and needed to get it back or he would stand there all night.
So I opened the door and let him looked for that damn thing.
Of course, I refused to get back into my room while he still in there.
He spent 5 minutes or so in my room while I was standing outside.
The alcohol I had started to kick in then.
I felt so sick and needed to go to bed so I told Horny to get out of my room, go see his girlfriend and stop bothering me.
I even said your girlfriend would be crushed to see you like this.
It worked!!! He said ok I'm going back now.
Still he tried to touch me before he left...you damn Horny bastard!!

He knocked on my door again last night and made really loud noise all night trying to lure me out.
I didn't fall for that no more. He is WAY too horny and too dangerous for me.
Well, as the matter of fact, he is making loud noise and yelling something just a few steps outside my room at this very moment!

Girls read and learn...don't put yourself in a risky situation.
Guys are not to be trusted.
Even a nice and harmless boy turns out to be a devil once they get horny.
Be careful, you might not be as lucky as I am.
I will be super extra careful about him from now on.
He is about to resign from the camp in two weeks.
The day he packs all his belongings and goes will be one of the nicest days I have here.
Wish me luck. I have been saving myself for the past 27 years and more than happy to stay this way.
Yet, another long story to share.
Please come back for next post. It's the one that I need to tell you guys so badly.

For now, Good Day and Good Night!
Amy =)


P.S. Have I ever met any nice guys who don't turn out to be monster?
Hmm...I think Now, Saritnum, Tor, Benze from Kingsmill are a few of good guys I'm lucky enough to be friends with.
Thanks you guys for being nice and sincere and be my friends!

Psyco Ex, Horny Guy, Another Woman's Hubbie and Me!

Dear Bloggers,

Have you ever felt like you are so darn attractive and talking to the opposite sex always causes you trouble?
Joking about love stuff all the time with guys I know would never fall for me.
I call many many of my guy friends darling, honey or sweetheart all the time cause it's so funny.
Never had problem with that before.
Never thought it would bite me in the ass, but it started to these days.

I think some girls will be sOOo happy to have this kind of thing happens around them.
It's like compliment in a way, you know.
It means you have a certain amount of cuteness that causes the above problem.
Not really like that. It gives me headache and nightmares from time to time.

Anyhow, I will start these messy thing with my psycho ex.
I will refer to him as X then.
Talking about X, for me, is like watching History Channel.
I was 17 when we were a pair.It lasted for a few months before I decided to call it a quit.
I am 27 now. You do the math!
He started to go crazy on me around a month ago after 4-5 years of no contact whatsoever.
He called and asked many questions, tried to catch up with my life after graduation.
Suddenly, out of the blue, he asked me to married him.
I thought he was joking. I was so wrong. He was not kidding!
He asked me three times that day if it would be ok for us to get married.
He even said he would kidnapped me from my room if he had to.
Of course I said NOooo! Even if he kidnap me the answer would still be NO.
I bet I told him I knew it in my heart that I meant to be with foreign gentleman (either James Blake or My Paul!)
He was kinna upset about that. WHAT THE FUCK!

I know it right then, something really wrong happened. He had brain damage.
I knew for sure. What would be a reasonable explanation for his action.
He left a very secure CAREER with Giant Japanese car company to open a grocery.
He called me after a decade to propose and got angry to hear that I was not gonna married him. If that's not crazy, then what it was?

Well, that was not all. He called me once again last week to argue with me.
He said all the things that I never imagined I would hear from a nice boy I used to date. Let's see the conversation below:

Amy: I will go to either Canada or England to study and will look for a job there.
X: To look for husband? (Amy: Fuck YOu!!!)

Amy: I don't like fair complexion it makes people look weak.
X: You just said that cause you have brown skin, right?

Amy: I am a different person now. I'm not that 17-year-old girl you used to date no more. I have seen so many things, been to many places and my life perspective has changed. And I know I can be on my own now without help from any guys.
X: Yeah, right!

So I told him to stop calling me if he wanted nothing but saying shit about my life. He knew I was mad so he said good bye then hung up.
That's psycho number one. I feel sad actually, to see how life treats someone and turns a nice, sincere boy to a psycho monster.
All I can do is hope he would stop being a dick and realize how great he was.

Wow! what a long story...don't think we have enough space to tell you about other guys today.
I'll come back some time to tell you about those guys then.

With Love
Amy

Dear Koppers

Well, we saw what happened that day...
All I have to say is "Inzaghi, you are so DEAD!"

Amy >=O

So Cited!

Dear Bloggers

In only 5 hours, my Liverpool will make yet history again.
I only hope I would shed a happy tear tonight.

I talk about football eagerly all the time.
I just love the game so much since I was in junior high.
It's been thirteen years already.

Many people think it's unusual for girls to like football.
Some say girls only like football because of football players look!
That's insulting! Some girls do like football for the fact that it's one of the most amazing sport games to watch. (such as ME!)

Well, basically, this is just me dropping by to make sure you will help me pray on this one.
I'll catch up with you guys later.

Good Luck Koppers!
Amy

My Wish List

Dear All..

It's kinna crazy but I'm gonna put list of songs that I'm desperately seeking for a long long time to complete my Amy Favourite.
I've got many many songs so far esp. from Multiply members.
Thank you you guys!!! Kiss Kiss!!! Love Ya!
Then now I'm addicted to it and want more and more songs.
And hope that putting wish list here might help me get those songs.
(Dirct link please or http://amyamp.multiply.com)

I love you came to late : Joey McIntyre
I'll be waiting : Brother to Brother
Where you are : Rahsaan Patterson
If You Walk Away : Peter Cox
All I Want : Sky (or any song)
Once in a Blue Moon : Sydney Forest
Forever With You : Portrait
Shy Girl : O Town
With Every Beat of My Heart : Dear Mom
To Stay : Breeze
Let this love begins : Caught In The Act

If anyone can help me find these songs..will be really really appreciate it.

Thanks In Advance!!!!

Amy

P.S. There will be more to come I'm sure!

Never Been More True

Please forgive me...

I am talking, complaining, yalbing WAY too much about my plan to get out of this God forsaken place.
(I think it's the perfect name to call a place where you can see dead bodies floating along the river once in a while.)
I'm gonna stop complaining now...with my co-workers at least.
Most of them are not to be trusted. It's dog eats dog world here.
And it's definately not a place for a blunt girl like me.

Anyhow, I was sent to the pier a few hours ago.
It was so dark and so dangerous to escort some of the VERYYYYYYY VIP complimentary guests.(AKA stay at the-5-star for free cause they are travel magazine writers. That's another reason I want to be a famous writer!)
It was against all the border laws and I could get shot easily by Burmese soldiers to use international river after 6 PM.
However, my camp manager did not give a damn.
All he said was it's important for these guests to check in by boat!!!
What the FUCK!! What about my life then? Is it worth anything at all?
Guess we know the answer very well, right?
(Well, to be fare, at least he showed his responsibility by going to the sacary pier with us but that's not really helping.)

Well, I talked to one of a few people here that I trust about the shit.
She told me if I woke up and hated to come to work so much, I needed to stop whining and started to look for jobs elsewhere.
Looing for job elsewhere seems so easy but that's the problem my friends.
There are no jobs elsewhere for me at the moment.
This particular job I'm doing is finacially nice...you know.
And the fact that I can't find other jobs that are equally financially rewarding is killing me, slowly.
That's the cause of all my sicknesses...physically and mentally.
(eyes infection, migrane, stomach ache, skin allegy, tooth decay, home sickness, unhappiness waves that hit me again and agian etc.)

I am so bored of this thing, still can't seem to go nowhere.
I'm just...stuck. I need to shut down my brain quick, in order to protect myself.
If I do that I might at least find peace at night and smile when I wake up.
It will be a terrible time I know for sure.
It will be a very very terrible thing to endure but I have to deal with it.
I will send even more applications to many many places in the world where I can be truly happy with my life.
I will send applications to all the places that will cost me fortune just to apply.
I will send applications to UK, USA, Australia..esp. USA so I can live a freedom life once again.
Hope I will find my way out of this whole thing eventually.
Hope it won't be too long to find the way out.

Wish me luck you guys...that's what I really really need now.

Thanks!

Amy

P.S. Tiny thing that put a tiny smile on my face. There is this young guy who had a dream about me...naked!! Should I puke or should I smile and be flattered. It's kinna grose right? By the way, he is kinna 'almost' cute.

I'm Pathetic...Literally!

To whom it may concern...

I think I'm about to lose my mind.
I had love relate dreams for three night in a role.
It was so real and I was kinna enjoy being in a relationship.
I had adream about very beautiful white flowers for wedding.
I also had dream about being someone girlfriend.
Then last night I went on a date with some guy I don't even remember.
Well, I was so into him. As far as I remember, he is really really gorgeous.

Guess I was single for too long and my head started to play tricks on me.
It happens to other people too..I think.
When you want something and you have been waiting for that thing for too long, in order to make you happy again, your brain will sort of create the surreal perfect world to satisfy you.
Kinna make sense isn't it.
I think it Freudism...you know Sigmund Freud.
(Do I spell his name correctly? What the heck!)

OK, what I'm ganna do now is to just go out there and get myself a boyfriend.
Yeah! I think I'm gonna do that.
I will be in the couplehood soon.
I think!!!??

Well, let's wait and see.
Amy

Amy and The Camp

Hey!

Here are some pics of me being the guest at the Tented Camp.
Cheers!

Amp




More of the camp pics at my multiply...
http://amyamp.multiply.com/

Pics from Phuket

Well...I was kicked out of the airlines interview!
End of story...
However, I have some picture to share here.
Enjoy!

Amp =)

Back from the battlefield

Now What!

I just got fucked! Not FUCK but fuck...you know what let's start the shit again.
I just got brutally ruined my travelling-the-world butget by Qatar Airways.

Well, They invited me to Phuket for an interview which turned out to be a minor disaster.
I was kicked out of the room with the weight issue.
I mean that is like the suckiest reason ever.
I got high score from English test, I'm positive on that one.
As the matter of fact, I finished that test in about 10 minutes!
But no...that not good enough...if you are chubby or have fat in your body whatsoever, you will be kicked out!

Well, I'm disappointed of course and so sad to spend so much money for the trip that is compleately ruin my Disney Land plan.
And it hit me very hard...I think this is one reason out of hundreds other reasons why many girls nad ladies starve themself, risking their life just to be thin.
I think the world has to work harder to fight the "To be Beautiful you have to be thin and being thin only is the key to success in many life perspective."
I'm not saying this because I'm fat. I'm not fat and don't look fat besides 167 cms tall with 57 kgs is not fat.
That why I'm so worry about this. I need stick-figure to be accepted.
I did try that and it almost caused me my life so no more, not again.
Guess I have to find the back-up plan, right, to be Traveling The World as I wish.
Think I'm kinna find that plan already but it is an expensive one and I need a lot of money for that.
Well, I think we have to wait and see and find more back-up plans in case this one fell again.

So To be contined...

Amy

The New Hope

Dear dear...

Another oppotunity for me to screwed up...I'm going to Phuket next month for Qatar interview.
It sacares the shit out of me cause it will cost me so much to get there.
Then again I need to be brave and go for it.
The person who is too sacred to start will never get out of here.
(That what John said back when I was working at The Three Rocks.)
I'll go to Phuket even if I fail, this trip would be the vacation I desperately need.

Now, let me take you back to last week when I got really angry with pretty much everything and kinna lock myself up in my own rage.
I was mad at Dad, at my never-ending shitty sucky unlucky life and of course I was mad as God too.
I stopped all forms of communication with my family.
I stopped calling Mom and turned my mobiles off for days and days just to let them know I was mad as hell.
It worked...Mom said she tried to call me but never got through.
Dad said I stopped call him after I got the laptop...why would I call him?
There is nothing good about calling my Dad these days.
There is nothing but things he said that will hurts my feeligs.

Then today I saw a postcard sending from my sister telling story about my cat which I just had a dream about last night.
Suddenly it hit me...I was so lonely without them. (Not my Dad though!)
No matter how disfunctional they are...I still need them badly.
They are a part of me and always will be.
That makes it impossible for me to just shut them out.
So I decided to call my Mom and cried my eyes out.
Mom said she was to come to see me.
She told me to be patient with God.
He always had his plan for us...even the shitty one like mine.
(Guess He thinks the plan He has for me is the best one.)
Come on God, bet you can do better than this!

Anyhow, I'm not completely ready to make nice quite yet.
But I'll stop being Too angry and start putting all my energy on how to get myself out of here asap.
I'm not gonna wait around for some princes in white horse with shiny armer.
I'll go the distance myself and hope that God will really listen to my prayer and give me what I NEED and WANT, not something He THINKS is good for me.
Here it is my confession. As always hope you guys have better life out there.

Good life folkS!

Amy

Four Wedding (s)!

Dear Bloggers

First thing first, let me clarify something here...none of the wedding(s)is
"My Wedding!"

It's been a month since the last time I was here.
Nothing changed much though...except one thing...my old friend got married.
It kinna ruin my vacation plan a bit, you know, to go to the wedding.
My original plan was to go home after Songkran but I had to change that plan and as you know I'm not good at adjusting my strict schedule!
Then again, I really wanted to be there for her.
I really wanted to meet all my old friends back from high school (and see how life treated us so far.)
I'm so glad I did change my vacation plan and attended the wedding.

It just like one of so many "suburb" wedding which is totally not what I wanted for myself...(If I ever had a chance to marry at all!)
Very loud country music with heavy make-up almost naked singer/dancers, boosts, guests who wear whatever they feel like and you know...all those stuff.
Still my friend looked so beautiful in her traditional Thai style wedding dress.
I could see in her eyes she was so happy so did the groom.
I think the wedding ceremony is, afterall, just for friends and families of the couple to come and eat and drink and get drunk or something along the line.
For the couple...none of those matters to them.
All they want is each other. I mean...for me it's sappy and kinna grose but for people who are deeply in love, it's true...all they need is each other.

The thing is I really don't know how someone falls so deeply in love like that.
I don't know how love make someone so beautiful and happy.
It's just one of the never-ending puzzle for me.
And I might never figure out how love can just softly change your life completly.
Well, guesss I'm gonna have to wait for that?
Cause the last time I checked...it took another 3 years for me to find The One...
DAMN!!!

Amy

Post Valentine's Report

To whom it may concern...

This is my so-call post Valentine's Day report of 2007.
Here it goes...
1.) One of my old time friend Sirinun is to be married next month and I'll be thin and will surely be there. Also two couples here at The Camp got married..not really wedding ceremony thing. They just made their living together official by signing some paper saying I'm Mrs. this and that. You know!

Personally I don't agree with that kind of thing. I want a beautiful wedding ceremony, with wedding gown, flowers, cake, music, first dance as Mr. and Mrs. such and such. All the sappy things...I do need that when my wedding day comes. (I pray it will come!)

2.) My sis has left her young boyfriend and spent most of her last weeks crying and complaining at God as usual. (She felt better now and got back to the right way..to God's way again. She even prayed for love and said I won't be disobedient this time.)

3.) I had my very first UFO experience one day after V Day. He was like..'swimimg' so close to the boat I was on and...ooh..sir and madam, it was so not nice. (UFO here means Unidentified Floating Object AKA dead body in the river.) I thought I would be so terrified so frak out but I was not. All I felt was...sad. I saw dead dog, dead cow, dead pig, dead cat, dead bird, dead chicken and dead fish in the river but dead man? I mean how life can be so worthless for some people? He should had proper funeral not just got killed somehow and throw into the river like that. It made me blue. What a Valentine's celebration!

4.) I got a great chance to come and stay at The Camp around next week or teo. Just one night here as a guest. I'll sure take lots of pictures and will surely post some of them here!!!!

5.) I survive probation period. Yeah!!! Just wait to sign the paper and I'll be a full time employee here.

6.) I'm so sick of telling, making up story about my Steve. It really kills me these days. I think I'll end it soon before it gets out of hands. Wish me luck!

7.) I'm fat again...DAMN!!!!!

8.) Last but not least, I'm STILL single!

There thet are my Post Valentine's Day report.
Love you as always...

Amp =)

Graduation Day

My Work Place

Hello!

I have been having this irritating headache since yesterday.
It's really really bugging me too much.
Well, as promised, I posting some pics of my work place for you guys to see.
Enjoy!

Amy =)

HP and cute Boys for Amy The Old Mate!

Dear Blogger...

I got it!
I got my very own laptop.
It's HP and it's sooo darn nice.
I even got my own internet access from my apartment.
It's rather slow but you know it's better than nothing.

OK, subject change, now we're about to share favourite topics...cute guys.
Yes, I have met some oooh sooo darn cute guys.
The thing is I went home for my sis garduation day.
And college boys were so DARN CUTE!
I mean it. They weren't as cute when we were studying.
They are cuter these days.
I probably found like at least 5 cute boys.
I even fell in love with one of those boys.
He wore brown shirt with jeans...or so. I didn't remember his pants.
Anyhow, I called him my soulmate. I hope he realized that!
He kinna like me, at least that what I believe!
Well' he looked at me and smiled.
I looked nice that day maybe he was smiling at me and called me his soulmate too.
You'll never know, correct?

Moerover, I even met one Oooh soOoo cute guy here at the Tented Camp.
How weird!!!??!!
His name is TAU. He is an assistant photographer from Baan Lae Saun magazine.
He didn't like me, this one I'm sure.
He came with his team and one of them is his GF.
The hell with that!
Cute guys are like food for the soul...especially for an old mate like myself.

Well, the good thing about that whole situation is I got to meet cute guys when I'm least expected.
Maybe, Ohhh maybe...my luck in love is about to change for better?
I hope so...Is this like a sign saying,
"Hey! Joe's Dad is coming. keep your eyes open!"
That's would be really, I mean really really nice.

By the way, I'll post some pics from my sis graduation day here later.
So you can see with your own eyes how nice I looked that day!! =)

Love...I'm ready!
Amy

P.S. I saw her, fat one's GF. She is not that good looking. And I'm serious!!!

Just Drop By...

Dear Blogger...

I'm taking 4 days off starts tomorrow.
WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!
I'll be in Chiang Mai, of course, spending some quality time with my F&F.
I even have plan to visit my old beloved company...The Three Rocks!
Really want to know how they would react when they see me!
It sounds like fun just to think about that.

Anyhow, I'm kinna hope to see some of my old friends on this visit.
Since it's my sister's graduation day and I'll be spending the whole day at CMU.
List of people i expect to see there...Nang Ying,PePe and PK, if I'm lucky.
I'll keep my fingers cross for that.

Well, That's all for now.
I'll drop by and share some more stories later.
Cheers!

Amy

New Year 2007

Dear All...

How are you guys this year?
I bet you are happy tooo happy to get up to work on time. Am I right?
Me...well, I was attacked by an elephant, literally!
It happened yesterday, only one day after new year.

There are 3 baby elephants that come to the resort every morning to play with guests.
When I say baby elephants, they are not as small as kittens or puppies.
The babies weight as much as a cow or water buffalo...2-3 hundreds kilos to be exact.
Anyhow, they love peanuts so much especially the youngest one, Ta-Wan.
He always tries to eat all the peanuts by himself without sharing with others.
And there came my sucky, unlucky morning...
One of the guest (who loves elephants so much)grabed some peanuts for the elephants.
I was with her cause she wanted me to do her some favour.
While I was talking to her, she gave peanuts to Ta-Wan.
The little voice in my head suddenly told me to hold peanuts bowl for her cause Ta-Wan might attacked her somehow.
And I did hold the bowl for her...3 seconds after that the elephant ran to me and hit me with his tusk.
There was this vision of an unlucky mahout who got stomped and killed by his own elephant appeared in my head...and man...it was freaking scary.
Next thing I know lots of people were screaming and I was on the muddy ground.

The BEST thing happened after that...none of my so-call colleague gave a shit about me.
Even the guest said 'It's better you than me cause you would be in trouble for that.' since I was the one standing next to her.
(She hugged me at one point and said I saved her life. And it was kinna nice.)
Only a few people asked me what happened and was I ok.
My fellow camphosts and my boss...no comment on the incident whatsoever.
Only 2 gardeners, mahouts, P Tiger, P Vee, P Tee, P Mon, P Bo, P Lah and the guests that were there really agve a damn about me.
I mean there are around 100 people there only 10% of them really care about my life.

That's when I realized...my life, my safety meant nothing to most people here at all.
I saw how crazy these people were when one of the guest sprained his ankle.
When the same thing happened to staff, they didn't care at all.
That's when I started to tell them...my leg was way too painful to work, to walk up the hill and down the pier.
And that's when they started to ask me if I needed a doctor or anything.
They were afraid I might got hurt and they would have to pay for the hospital bills!
What a nice company!!!!
So I asked to leave early yesterday around 2 hours before the end of my shift or they would make me walk up to the hill for sure.
As if I was gonna let them treat me like that!
They messed up with the wrong girl...
Continue treat me like my life mean nothing, I will show you my bad side and you will be so sorry you ever hurt me.

After the whole fiasco I got to the apartment.
I was ok that afternoon but I got fever later in the evening and it was tooo much for me to endure so I cried and cried and cried my eyes out.
I was so mad at God for dragging me here.
I even called out for my Joe but he didn't come and I was so disappointed.
It was one of the worst time of my life, I really mean it.

Later on that night my grandma came to me in my dream.
She looked so happy and healthy...I really miss her.
I think she wanted to help me get through that night.
I woke up this morning feeling not so sick, angry, sad, or disappointed.
Then Joe came and told me to be patient, very patient no matter how gloomy the days seemed.
There were good reasons that God led me here.
My luck would change before July 2007.

I will trust him on that again...one more time.
If nothing good happen when I turn 27, I'll let Joey go.
But for now I'll hold on to him and the bright and fulfilled life he keeps telling me.
I'll wait for that...
I won't give up on that yet.
Sorry to put irritating story on new year.
I'll try to find better, happier, funnier story to share next time.

Happy New Year guys!
Amy