The Cycle of Life

Cannot believe it...
The hideous cycle has started again.
I'm so Sick..sick..sick, physically and mentally as well.
What makes this round different from zillion other times is I know exactly where it all begins.
That guy I call Dad and the shitty company I'm working for.
How unlucky a girl can be?
I mean...are there any other human beings share this lousy so-called life?
Decisions I made always turn out to be wrong or even worse become a disaster.
(eg. choosing this company instead of going to Dubai...see I'm a loser!)

Okay, I'll try to clarify what I've been talking about as much as I can.
I have been so stres out for months now about career change stuff.
Then my EX-Dad stepped in liked a knight on a white horse.
'Go work abroad if you like. I'll pay for everything.'He said.
That's why I took IELTS and recieved pretty good band.
That's why I applied for many many jobs in ski resorts for the coming winter season and still applying for more of FOREIGN companies.
Then suddenly around a month ago the guy freaked out on me and told me he won't pay for anything even if those places hire me.
And that's when my sicky mind became really ill and trouble.

As you all know, unhealthy mind equal unhealthy body.
The list of my illnesses are as follow...constipation, ulcers both stomach and intestines, migrane, regular headache, sleepiness when doing everything, insomnia once I go to bed, rashes, pimples, teeth PAIN, diarreah, neck pain, mood swing, dizziness, swollen stomach and the cherry on top of my list...no period for almost 2 months and I'm not pregnant! I'm going to have hormones injection within a few days if 'my friend' still ignore me.

Mom is so concerned. She encourages me to do yoga or at least exercise.
I don't have time for that. Yoga is the worse.
I could not bend like those people. It won't help me at all.
Yoga would only cause me more pain.
About excercise, I'm gonna have to wait till World Cup ends.
(They replace my excercise program with World Cup review and analysis.)
But if it really help I might start jumping around the house this evening.
I mean I'm not afraid to die, just not willing to go now that's all.

Sorry you have to read this.
I'm just so full of...shit right now and there's no place to go.
Crying in my bed every night, being angry at God for this whole thing won't help no more.
Well, my friend told me my luck will change.
I'm gonna hold on to that one for now.
If the hormones they're about to inject won't help...I'll shoot myself!
Damn!

Amy