It's Cold and Crazy!

Hello!

It's been awhile...
I've returned from my home a few days ago.
Got back to work yesterday. It was ok.
There was one change here lately. It's the temp.
The temp is dropping so fast. It was so darn cold here these days.
It's was arond 9 degrees celcius this morning.
The worst part is people keep telling me it will get colder and colder each day!
I hate to work in the cold..really hate that.

Anyway, my boss Mr. JMF decided not to celebrate Christmas at the camp because you know he just has to go somewhere partying.
Again no proper Christmas Celebration for Christian Amy. =( SAD SAD SAD
However, on Dec 30 and 31 and also New Year will be sooooOooo freaking busi for us at Tented Camp.
We will have 1 wedding ceremony and countdown to New Year....I don't even want to imagine how crazy it will be on those days.
Well, guess I have to go now.
It's way tooo cold for me to type.

Love Love Love
Amy

Pictures

Hi!

Well, I have a confession to make.
I was kinna almost fall for fat guy again after that dreams thing.
(Incase you want to know, I had a dream about fat chinese boy. He was so cute and for some reasons I felt so sad for him. I didnt remember what happened to the boy, All I knew was I felt so sad for him somehow. Hope that cute fat boy was not that Fugly Fat Guy! Right? If that was him when he was younger...I would scream right now. I'm serious!)

Back to the subject, I was soOoo close to fall for him again.
Who am I kidding! I did fall for him again, already.
I counted white birds, butterflies and stuff just to make sure if I could find 100 white birds or 10 colorful butterflies in 10 minutes, he would crawl back into my life once again. How pathetic!

Anyway, a mutual friend of us (Fat Guy and Me) sent some pictures of her in Singapore for me to see.
Of course, Fat Guy happened to be in some of those pictures.
And thank God for that cause he looked plain.
Instead of jumping up and down,acting all crazy about him...I felt almost nothing.
He was cuter in my memories, or at least that's what I believed.
It was loneliness that ruined my sight and made him looked cuter than he really was.
I'm so glad I saw those pictures of him.
It will help me cut him off quicker than I ever thought.
And no I won't show you those pictures.
It's WAY tooooOooo embarrasing!

By the way, It's been a good day for me so far.
I only got 3 and a half hours to work before my 5 days off.
Can't Wait!!!!!

Amy =)

Nightmares/Fighter

Well, well, well...Howdy?
I'm so far so good...really nothing to complain lately.
First thing first, I'll be home soon...sadly it's not gonna be on Christmas.
I ask God to bring me home for Christmas but He didn't do that.
Guess He has another plan for me during that time.
(I'll be home on 17-21 December…in case you want too know.)

Next, I'm gonna tell you a rather weird and tiny bit spooky story.
(I even believe the whole thing was done by black magic or witchy spell of some kind!)

Before I start, let me ask you this...Have you ever had a dream about a certain person at different circumstances yet in chronological order for several nights in a row?
I did. It started 3 nights ago.
And it was about a certain guy...FAT GUY or the guy I used to call my belly monster. Yes, I had 3 dreams with him in them, 3 nights in a row. How Freaky!
I'm so scared he might barge back into my dream again tonight.
It scares me so much to dream about him especially when I haven't think about him that much anymore.
In some sub-conscious level, he still has influence on me, I suppose. That’s not nice at all!!!

It's about time to go into some details about those dreams, shall we?

Dec/8 First Dream: It was about US flirting like we did before the brain damage phase.
We were so happy exchanging flirty conversations.
I called this the Sugar Rush phase.
Why? Because he was my sugar rush, I’m serious.
I got goose bum just thinking about him, his flat ugly voice, big belly and his smiles.
I really thought we got something good going on but as you can see, I was so wrong!

Dec/9 Second Dream: This time it was a little bit real, I think.
It was about him changing, becoming a completely different person.
He started to ignore me and I was so upset about those changes.
I was sad then mad and finally realized I was wrong about this guy.
This phase is called the “Jerk” phase. The phase when his brain started to work strangely and brain check is so needed.

The third one, the one I just had last night (Dec/10):
This one I remember so clearly.
I was riding in front of a car with my old friend from primary school whom I never talked with after graduation.
The driver, I did not see who he was, told me we had a few people with us sitting in the back seat.
“You will be surprise to see who it is.”
I remembered feeling so scared and praying hard…NOT Him…Not fat guy…
Then, there he was smiling at me wearing this ridiculously cute pink polo shirt, sitting next to a guy I had never met before.
The minute I got out of the car, I walked away.
I just didn’t want to talk to him. I was so mad at him for his stupid lies and all. I was sitting somewhere minding my own business when he started to creep in close me and said something.
I didn’t hear what he said but it was sorry for what I did kinna thing.
He wanted me back. That’s what I felt and I wanted him to want me back so bad.
Suddenly I woke up from that nightmare…

I was 2 minutes away from letting him crawl back into my life and drag me down to the pathetic phase again. He is evil, even in my dream.
He wanted nothing but to play with my head and get into my…I bet you know where.
I need to get him out of my system real quick for my own good.
He is WAY too dangerous for me. The good thing about all this is I will never see him again in reality.
Let him come into my dreams. He could take nothing from me in dream land.
I’ll fight hard to get him out of my world once and for all.
He doesn’t worth my time anyway!!!

Thanx for making me a Fighter!
Amy =)

I'll be Home for Chrismas

Dear Dear Dear

Hi! HO!
I think I'll be home this Chrismas.
Well, at least that's what I hope and pray for so often lately.
Chrismas has always been my favourite holiday since I was so young.
I was dying to celebrate Christmas every year for so long.
I could have had that chance last year but you know Grams funeral...too sad to bring it up again, Sorry!
The thing is I always believe that if God really wants me and my family to be with Him, He should bring us home together celebrating Christmas like the rest of Christians do.
I mean that's the least He can do for us, right?
We'll have to wait and see on that one.

Anyhow, I recieved a phone call a few days ago.
They wanted me to go for a job interview...at Mentor language school.
I was so happy...I was so ready to go there and walk out of this chitty place.
Then I talked to Joey, my boy, and I realized that I must stay here.
It's a part of the plan. I have to stay for B and my future.
I can't just walk out of here...not yet.
Joey told me to wait patiently for things to happened.
And that what I would do!

In less than a year B will come.
In about a year I'll be out of here, gracefully.
In 2 years and 11 months Joey will arrive.

I have to wait for my life to begin.
I never thought life would start here but if Joey said it could then it would.
Afterall, if He gets me to this, He will get me through this.

Gotta go now baby,
Nighty Night!

Amy =)
(smiling tonightand for the rest of my life!)

Apples

Woman are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy.
So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them,when in reality,
THEY'RE amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
YOU'RE A GOOD APPLE.
SHARE THIS WITH OTHER WOMEN WHO ARE GOOD APPLES,
EVEN THOSE WHO HAVE ALREADY BEEN PICKED.

Messy Life and Tiny Lesson

Dear Blogger

It's getting colder and colder here on Brokeback River...
Why Brokeback?
Well, let's just put it this way...where I am right now are full with non-straight people.
Got the picture now, my friends?

First thing first, I am trying to write something kinna fun currently.
It's my crappy love life and how I look back and feel so many things on each of those so call love and relationship.
I think it will be tiny bit funny. It might sheer someone up actually.
I mean people often feel better to know that someone is having a sucky, pathetic and not so awesome life.
Don't you think?

Subject changes, I'll try Ethihad again.
Ethihad is an airline...in case you wonder what the hell in the world is Ethihad!
I hope it works out fine this time.
I mean what the worse could have happen...
My beloved grandma passed away a day after I flunk the final interview!
I made it that far once, I'll manage it again.
I mean nothing to lose right?

The thing is I really don't want anything to do with full function service business no more. Not on the staff side I mean.
That's why I am trying so hard to find high-paid job even I know I would be sufficated to do that job.
I just know I won't be doing it for the rest of my life.
I'm young...26 is not that old yet.
I still have a few years to really look for the bright future for my Joey.
(I believe my Dad will surely piss off to see that I'm not ready at all to become a SUCCESSFUL adult! Oh..get over it, Daddy!)

Well,I am trying to save some money for further education now.
My education plan has changed from Food and Nutrition Management to Event Management.
I think, actually Ump thinks, it will be so much fun for the both of us to do that job, to have our own business.
I'm thinking about wedding planner or party planner or something along the line.
I'm so dying to be my own boss or at least have SANE boss.
It would surely do me great. =)

I try to be a service-minded person, I do. I try so hard....so damn hard to do good job, to be a good Camphost.
But somehow...at the end of the day all I can think of is how I would like to be pampered, to be well treated, to be completely away from this side of the hotel industry.
I don't belong behind the counter, I should be on the other side, having fun...not being tortured like this.
Right now all I can do is whinning about how I mistakenly drag myself to this whole mess.
How stupid I am!!!
But at least I know why I am here right...to save some money for better...a brighter and so much better future.

By the way, I'm back on the 'I don't need a man to make me complete, I get up do my thing' period again.
I'm not that lonely and desperately need to be in love no more.
I have something else in life I need to put all my energy on now.
I need to think about my future and how to put myself on the right track, how to find a secure career that won't drive me crazy during the process.
Guess guys issue only come when you think the world is so cruel and all you can do is looking for someone to share the harshness. (Or when you are so caught up with yourself and see nothing but YOU YOURS and YOURSELF.)
Well, it's stupid to think that way.
We were born to carry our own shitty stuff and burden.
You cant just rely on someone to take the loads off your shoulder.
You must learn to live as strong and as tough as you could on your own.
It's hard. It's so hard to get there gracefully.
I'm working my ass off to be on that very place.
Oh how I try hard to be that person...
Well, one thing I can be proud of about myself...at least I know what I dont want to do or to be.
That is, for me, the next best thing. (The best thing is of course to know what you want and to do what your heart desires.)
One thing I want everyone to know now is "You must be your own hero!"
Life will be easier if you can be that person for yourself.
That the morale I learn tonight. (It's 10:05 PM)
That's the morale I want to share with you.
Be a hero everyone. I know you can!!!

OK gotta go now...
Life is waiting!

Amp =)

Cause I'm so sick of working, so Tired here, So Done wiTh thInkiNG liFe could Start heRe!

Dear...Dear...Dear...

Well, and here I am feeling so sick cause I am really sick..
I've got a cold..with teary eyes, running nose and everything.
I need a few days off...I cant have that cause a few people are on vacation so...
I..a sick girl have to come to work until 11 PM everyday.
How cool is that?

The worse thing is no one ask me how I'm doing cause they know I'm way too sick to work and if they ask me they have to send me home to rest.
Moreover, my boss, a smart, MATURE, Gay guy decided to go nuts on all the staff now.
He believes we had way tooo much free time and dont work hard enough.
Well, will I be sick and pathetic like this if I dont work hard staying in the sun all day?..... What a MORON!
I cant have some rest for that? I mean what kind of sweat shop is that!
It doesn't look healthy at all. Don't you think?
I mean...I have to deal with oh-so-VIP guests everyday and I sneeze every six seconds. How Four Seasons Standard is that...
What if they got a flu from me and decided to file a lawsuit against the hotel...
That's their fault then.

OK the thing is this illness of mine enlighten me.
I realize that I dont belong here at all.
Oh how I struggle to belong.
No matter how hard I try, I'll never fit in.
I fell like I was tossed into the Khing River with no life jacket while everyone is watching on the river bank waiting to yell at me when I swim too slow or too fast.

I dont have friends, no someone special, no proper medication, no entertainment here whatsoever.
I dont think I can make any friends here. They are way too different from me.
I dont know how to open my heart to these people...I really dont.
All I can do here is work work work, stressed out,got myself sick and then back to work again.
That's the only thing you can do here.
In short...there is no life in SOB RAUK.
There's no way I or anyone with the same life perspective can start a life here.
It's the dead end. The end of the world, if there's one, will surely starts here.
Maybe.. just maybe the end of the world is probably started here already, for weeks and weeks. Noone knows that because they are way to caught up with themselves and thier 'career'!

I had enough now. I mean it. I'll send new application to many places real soon.
I dont know how long it will take to get pity ass out of here.
All I know is this time I'll make sure my new job will be in a civilize city.
Wish me luck...I really need luck and my good health soon.
If I have to survive this lousy place, good health and encouragement is needed quick!

Amp
with red running nose, swollen teary eyes, swollen and not so pretty face and tired and so darn unhappy heart =(

Smooth

Hello!!!

Amy is here...in Chiang Rai again!
Things are going pretty smoothly these days.
I haven't screwed up that much lately.
Hope I won't screw up once my boss gets back from his vacation with the big one month probation preview.
I'll pray hard for that start from tonight!!!

Gotta go have something I need to do...find lyrics for my FAV songs!

Love You!!!!
Amy

Pics from The Royal Flora 2006

I'm HOME!

Hi guyS!

It's me and I'm home.
Of course, I am so happy...like a crazy person.
Everything seems so pleasant.
I laughs at pretty much everything.
One sucky thing about this trip home was I had a fight with my oh-so-perfect Dad.
That cost me a laptop. He promised me he would buy me an HP laptop!
Jack A..s..I dont like him so much at the moment!

Anyway, I went to The Royal Flora Ratchaphreuk 2006 yesterday.
It was so wonderful, esp for a flowers geek like me.
I'll put some pics here in a few days.
I just have to figure out how to up load all those pictures cause I forget to bring the handy drive.
Guess I have to work hard to get those pics on line!

well, gotta go now...
I'll see you soon with lots of pictures.

Amp

P.S. i have to go back to Chiang Rai tomorrow...DAMN!

Amy! Screwed!

Dear Blogger

OK...I am doing something risky here.
I am using Four Seasons Tented Camp PC for personal purpose.
I could easily be kicked out of this hotel so quick for doing this!!!
(Or I could probably get a warning on this for the least!)

I'm only 3 days away from home...my beloved home.
Guess what happen?
I escorted two VIP guests to the wrong tent!!!
It seems to be normal right?
I mean someone screwed up and then another person also screwd up but as always...I was the last one on the line in this 'terrible disaster.'
Of course they sort of blame me for not double checking things before taking guests to their tent.
Well, they didnt say anything yet, but I'm so sure this incident will be mentioned on my first month review/comment.
I dont really worry about that.
I mean they dont have enough people to work.
If I'm not sooOOoo freaking terrible, I'm sure they keep me here.

Anyhow, I have plan to spend some (of my Dad) money during my home visit.
That is something I look forward to.
I'm literally dying to go home, esp. at these hours.
I also have plan to take some pretty pictures of me and send those to two guys...Fat One and my dear friend Kla.
I hope those pictures will make some impact.
I think it's about time to play with their heads a bit.
Well, I have to go now before they catch me red handed.

Peace!
Amy

I'm Coming Home!

OK

Dont have much time.
I'll be home on Nov 1-4.
It will be sooooo much fun for me to see shopping mall again!

Gatta GO!

Amy Lovely

My Belly Monster

Dear Blogger

Fat One AKA. My Belly Monster called.
We have been talking every night for about a week now.
Then last night he sort of stop calling me for no reason.
I tried to call him this morning...no replied.
Guess that trolly dolly girlfriend of him came home or sth.
Damn you bitch!

I'm kinna upset a bit to have crush on someone else BF.
I have to stop doing this for my own happiness.
Who am I kiddin? Me? Stop talking to the guy?
That is just impossible...at least at the moment.
I'm caught up. It's not easy to drag myself back...not yet.

The thing is he always says anything can happen.
He might not end up with his GF afterall.
He might find someone he likes so much.
Someone who fits him perfectly.
I thought he was talking about me...silly!

Well, I used to laugh at people who let love blinded them.
I thought I was better than that.
I thought I was strong and heartless.
I was never been so wrong.
I'm just like other girls. I'm no different.
Writing this love sick story proves that I am, afterall, just a girl.

It's kinna cool somehow, you know, to realize that I'm not cold-hearted, loveless evil.
I'm not that bitchy when it comes to love.
My belly Monster is, in a good way, the prove that I will let myself fall for someone at the end of the day without any fear of rejection or stuff like that.
He is the prove that I can too take the risk to find love and relationship.
I think someday after I survive this whole situation, I would be able to find someone to fall head over feet for and might even find true love.
It's weird, I know but you need to find good things out of the wrecked situation.
I did find one good thing from this cheating fat guy...
I know I have guts to reach out for a glimmer of a chance of love.
It will help me in the future. I don't know how but it will be useful.

Yet another cool post from Amy...
Your Truly =)

Put Your Records On: Colinne Bailey Rey

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
And nothing seems to change, and it all will stay the same.
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that awful hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere..somehow

My Old Journal

Hello!

I had free time last night, as usual, so I spent hours or so reading my old journal.
I was fun at first...I was hopeful, funny little girl who has just got back to Thailand with the feeling that I could get anything I wanted.
Then, after a year or so...I started to changed.
Somehow, somewhere between late 2004 and early 2006...I became a really hopeless and desperated person.

I was soooo shocked, looking back at myself then.
I was so childish, whining and pathetic.
At one piont...I hit the bottom ground.
I hated myself so much I didn't even believe life could get any better.
It scared me to feel that way about myself.
It's really scary...what if I was too weak to get through those days...
It's WAY too horrifying just to think about that.

Today I feel better about ME.
I feel fine in my own skin, even though I'm still the same person.
Still carry extra weight, loveless, struggle to survive my career advancement stuff, lonely, broke, but somehow those things don't bother me too much anymore.
Guess I'm growing up...mentally.
It feels kinna good to be here where I stand today.
I believe I can do anything now.
If you survive the I-hate-myself period and able to look back and laugh at yourself then, guess you'll survive anything.

I hope and pray all of you who have a chance to read this post finally realize how lucky we are to be here on this planet.
I hope you too can conqure all your obstacles.
And I pray, somehow you will find a way to thank God for giving you the chance to be YOU cause I did...and it felt really really good.
Before I go, I'll leave one quote from my favourite woman in the world here.
I think it will be somewhat helpful if you ever hit the bottom ground.

Enjoy living your life!
Amy =)

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”
Carrie Bradshaw: Sex and the City

Love Songs for Amy (@ the moment)

Guess the best way to describe my LOVE situation at the moment is to put some songs here.
I'm wayyyyy tooooo messy right now.
Too messy to think straight!
I'm in a really really weird place.
My work performances are terrible.
I was always so sure about spending a year or so at Tented Camp then transfer back to Chiang Mai...I'm not so sure now.
I might not survive the probation period.
The hell with them!!! I'll look for something else to do.!

Since my career move is proved to be a lil bit stupid, my love life is also proved to be equally stupid!
Well, I'm kinna fall for two guys that I will never have. Not in a million years.
One is married with a two-year-old daughter, another one is engaged to be married to an Emirates Cabin Crew.
How irony! >=(

OK let's get back to the songs now.
Here are the songs I really think best describe my situation in term of love and relationship at the moment.

Rainy Day : The Coors
A bomb drops and no-one stirs on a lazy summers evening,
Seated, with a man she knows she shouldn't be with,
But in his eyes, the light surprise, something she's been needin',
A certain touch within her voice, can tell you what she's feelin',

I want you, need you, yeah, I want you, I'll need you,
and I'll be lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'll come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),

A door slams and suddenly, she's awoken from her dreams,
of late goodbye's and shadowed eyes, those crazy summer feelings

I want you, need you, Oh, I want you, I'll need you,
and I'll be lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'd come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),
save it for a rainy day

I want you, need you, yeah, I want you, I'll need you,
and I've been lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'd come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),
yeah I'll be lyin' here waitin', hopin' lov'd come my way,
(save it for a rainy day), but if the sun's still shinin',
I'll save it for another day,(save it for a rainy day),
save it for a rainy day, (save it for a rainy day),
save it for a rainy day, (save it for a rainy day),
I'll save it for a rainy day, save it for a rainy day


Artist: Corinne bailey rae
Song: Trouble Sleeping

It's late and i m feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing

Could it be I'm suffering
Because i m never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
(please please)
Tell me i dont see myself
Couldn't I blame something else.
Don't say i m falling love

Some kind of therapy
Is all i need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
that can cure me completely

Could it be I'm suffering
Because i m never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me i dont see myself
Couldn't I blame something else.
Don't say i m falling love


Falling in love
Yeaahhh


Hope your lives are better than mine.
Your Truly

Amy and The Camp!

Hello HEllo Hello!
This is still your same old Amy Amp...
I am now a trainee at Four SEasons Tented Camp Golden Triagle in Chiang Rai...
You're gonna have to bear with me here.
I need to say the damn hotel name as often as possible so I can remember it correctly!
Cause I have to be on the table which I would like to call the operation center which everyone has to call if they want to talk to anyone in the Camp.
It's way way hard for me to get everything done right!
That's why I need to catch up with other staff asap.
Or at least try not to screwed up esp. when the boss or the ass. mannager call me today.
I made lots of mistakes when answering the phone today.
Such as the fact that I forgot to say my name...and the assistant manager was the caller and he happened to remembered my name and pronounced it correctly!
So....damp himiliated!
After that I was so freaked out and said all the wrong things to the guests (on the phone only!)
See...We have this particular way to answer the phone...if the call comes from inside the camp property...Good Morning.. Camphost Suvichaya speaking, How may I assist you?
If the call comes from other places outside the camp...Good Moring Four Seasons Tented Camp Golden Triangle, how may I assist you...one moment please....Thank you for holding...Thank you for calling...and all the oh so polite and sweet blah blah blah!

I need to practice practice and then practice some more to be a good camphost and survive the probation period gracefully.
But it's only my first week here so it's ok to make mistakes...right?
OK gotta go now. Need some sleep tonight...Mae Sai tomorrow!
Hooray! my first day off...

I'll keep in touch..I promise!
Amy

P.S. If you want to see my work place go by Peun Dern Tang (เพื่อนเดินทางหน้าปกตองกับเคลลี่ ธนพัฒน์ )October issue or visit www.fourseasons.com and choose Golden Triangle brance...you'll see how beautiful the camp is. Cheers!

In Chiang Rai

Dear Blogger

I am writing this post in Chiang Rai my new dwelling.
What a boring and quiet city!
I am dying to go home or to start working so I dont have too much free time.
I heard that a shift lasts for 9 hours but I have to wait for a ride to get back to the apartment.
Say if my shift starts at 8.30 it will end at 5.30 and I have to wait till 6.15 for a ride...
That is cool so I can have some time to have dinner at the cafeteria, change clothes and then pack my bags and leave the hotel.
That will be all right. I guess I wont have too much free time after that.
The only problem is how am I suppose to find free time to go home if I have to work that hard!
Damn Damn Damn.
My hope is at the end of my first year I will be able to transfer back to my town.
I'll pray hard for that...the chance to live with Mom and Ump and Ta-Ngeaw and Toy again.
It's not gonna be too hard...
Joey told me I would be visiting home oftens.
I'll keep my fingers cross on that one.

Wish Me Luck!
Amy

To My Air Hostess Friend Nang Auy

I read all your posts na but somehow I can't post any comments on your blog.
No idea why this happen? Guess because I sign in with gmail account these days.
That's why I cannot post my comments on your blog na.
Anyway if you stop by please know this...I always try very hard to keep in touch with you na Nang Auy.
I'll try harder to keep posting my thoughts on your blog na ja.

Amp =)

It's Official

Okay..
I got a job now.
The job starts on 1 Oct.
It means I'm gonna have to move to Chiang Rai in a few weeks.
How do I feel?
I keep asking myself why do I have to go and work in Chiang Rai?
What went to my mind?
Well, worst case scenario...I'll be so darn bored and jump off the Rauk River Bank...or I would probably dont pass the probation period and got kick out of the hotel so quick.
Well, I hope it wont be that sucky. After all it is the job God chose for me, right?
Anyway, I'm gonna be a camp host for Four Seasons Resort Tented Camp. (In case you dont know what is my new job.)
If I nail the sharing room with a starnger, working in a new field of job, living on my own far away from my family in a so call out skirt area, home sickness...I'll be just fine.

As always...Wish me Luck!
I'm gonna need that.
Your Truly.

Unemployment

Hello!

It's Amy.
I finally did it.
I quited.
Yes I did.
That's why I'm now officially unemploy.
Do I worried? Not that much.
I mean...Four Seasons called me so many times this week for final interview.
I think they will call for the offer and contract or stuff like that within this week.
I hope I can stay home and chill for a few more weeks.
I dont want to start my new job in the middle of the month.
It seems...I dont know I just dont like the idea.
So I'll ask them if they can give me a few more weeks before moving to the Golden Triangle.

Anyway, I did the tooth thing already.
Oh..did I struggle..I mean it was so painful even at this very moment.
The dentist pulled the tooth out, fixed it somehow with the tool then put it back in my gum.
Seems so scary right? Believe me it is way scarier in reality.
I'm in so much pain at the moment. I have to take painkillers every 4 hours.
I have another appointment with the same dentist to check the tooth.
I hope it would not be so painful then.

Gotta go now.
I'll keep you posted.

Amy

A Call Back

Four Seasons called.
They said OFFICIAL result would be here soon.
The camp manager was still on holiday in US.
He would be back on Sept. 5th and they would call me before 7th.
What does that mean?
Do I get the job?
Damn...so confusing!
And how about my Club Med?
Will they call me as well this week?
She told me she would let me know by the end of this month.
Darn...so confusing!
What about US Consulate...should I apply then?
How about all the Airlines I applied for?
Will they call me?
Or the biggest question...should I wait for them?
I mean, if the hotels call me again and ask if I can start working soon...
Should pass the offer and wait for the Airlines?
Life! What a messy time for Amy!
Anyway, what will happen, let them happen.
Cause things always happen for some reasons right?

So confusing...so darn confusing 8(
Amy
(still on the bright side despite the heavy rainfalls and flooded land)

๋Jobs Jobs Jobs

Dear Blogger
Hello...How you doing?
Well, I'm good.
I have a confession to make...
I was playing with my blog for the past weeks to avoid talking about my job searching updates.
Why? Do you even have to ask why?
There are no updates!
No call backs, no more interviews left for me this month...damn my life is soOo over!!!

....................WAIT A MINUTE!.....................

You think I'll be whining about that one too, right?
Come on...admit it!
Well, the old AMY would definately whin about that.
I am a new girl now people.
New and improved AMY...I won't go crazy, bitchy this time.
I will be positive about that one.
There are plenty of jobs in the sea like jelly fish and fish and shell fish and sand etc.
So if I don't get this two jobs, there will be more for me to try.
I'm so darn positive on that subject!

How about that! Pretty cool, right?
What an awesome way to see things!
Hope this positive AMY will be here the next time I hit the bottom ground.

Have a GREAT days, weeks, months, years and life!
Amy (on the bright side) =)

Four Seasons Resort Golden Triangle Tented Camp

I'm going for an interview at Four Seasons (Golden Triangle) this coming Monday.
Damn scared of everything. I mean it's always my thing to freak out.
It's my charm...being the drama queen.

Anyway, I like the money they offer.
I'll get around 10,000 Baht a month. I think it is a pretty good number.
(plus 6,500 living allowance, 3 meals, free transportation, accomodation and uniform)
I'm sure I'll get more money once the hotel becomes well-known like other branches.
Since there are 70 properties in 30 countries, I think I have a great chance of transfering to other places. (I'll keep my fingers cross on that one!)

Well, Is this what I really want to do with mylife?
let's me be honest with you...Of course not!
You know me. My destiny is to live and be wealthy in America, Australia or high-so European countries.
Wait a minute, technically I will be working near foreign lands too.
Golden triangle...Laos and Burma right? SoOooOo fantastic!

That's the only thing I need do...for now.
I cannot stand working at my present company no more.
Moving from this shitty rat hole to Four Seasons will be a grande career step.
Besides I still have Club Med to go for in case this Monday turns to be a disaster.
But to be honest I don't think anything can go wrong now.
I'm positive that I will be working for the Four's within a month.

I'm going home now.
I'll update once I'm back.
Peace!!!
Amy

P.S. Ump got her very first job earlier this month. (She is working for an International School as an admission staff.) And that biarch found a 'boyfriend' already!! Bitchy!

Champ!

2006-2007 Community Shield Winner/ Premier League Champion/ League Cup Winner/ F.A Cup and UEFA Champion League Winner...Bravo The One and Only Liverpool

26 th Birth Day

Good-Bye 25, Say Hi! 26
Yes, I'm officially 26 years old now.
I don't know what to expect at the age of 26.
(Since the 25th year life was pretty sucky...got kicked out of 2 airline interviews, warned for being loud and rude, missed first Christmas as a Christian and on top of that lose my beloved grandma just 4 days before Christmas.)
Hope the age will filled with Godly experiences, wonderful adventures, colorful career path, and the never ending fun and happiness.

Should I add LOVE & RELATIONSHIP on my wish list too?
Tricky question...maybe I should...don't you think?
I mean, I'm old and STABLE enough to be someone's girlfriend now. I guess!
OK. let's do it...let's hope this year is the year I say SO LONG single and Nice to Meet You couplehood!
Yeah, I think I want to start a relatiopnship this year.
Afterall, Joey is already told me what to look for, right?
Tall, Dark Brown Hair, Brown Eyes with AMERICAN accent and letter 'B'
That's what Joey wants for us.
That's what I'm gonna look for in a guy.
In three years...3 years only, I'll be settling down.
Freaky but kinna exciting to think about.

OK hope you can see a good change 26th brings already right?
I'm back to be annoyingly cheerful and hopeful again.
Good things happen to good people right?
Thanks my friend Auy for her useful comment.

And of course Happy Birth Day Ms Amy
This time, you'll get it all.

=)

P.S. My mind is made up now. The 26th year of my life is going to be a great year. Even if it's not, I'll work my butts off to make it wonderful and memorable. From now on the year will be officailly known as 'The Wonderful Year of Happiness for Amy.' Nice!

The Cycle of Life

Cannot believe it...
The hideous cycle has started again.
I'm so Sick..sick..sick, physically and mentally as well.
What makes this round different from zillion other times is I know exactly where it all begins.
That guy I call Dad and the shitty company I'm working for.
How unlucky a girl can be?
I mean...are there any other human beings share this lousy so-called life?
Decisions I made always turn out to be wrong or even worse become a disaster.
(eg. choosing this company instead of going to Dubai...see I'm a loser!)

Okay, I'll try to clarify what I've been talking about as much as I can.
I have been so stres out for months now about career change stuff.
Then my EX-Dad stepped in liked a knight on a white horse.
'Go work abroad if you like. I'll pay for everything.'He said.
That's why I took IELTS and recieved pretty good band.
That's why I applied for many many jobs in ski resorts for the coming winter season and still applying for more of FOREIGN companies.
Then suddenly around a month ago the guy freaked out on me and told me he won't pay for anything even if those places hire me.
And that's when my sicky mind became really ill and trouble.

As you all know, unhealthy mind equal unhealthy body.
The list of my illnesses are as follow...constipation, ulcers both stomach and intestines, migrane, regular headache, sleepiness when doing everything, insomnia once I go to bed, rashes, pimples, teeth PAIN, diarreah, neck pain, mood swing, dizziness, swollen stomach and the cherry on top of my list...no period for almost 2 months and I'm not pregnant! I'm going to have hormones injection within a few days if 'my friend' still ignore me.

Mom is so concerned. She encourages me to do yoga or at least exercise.
I don't have time for that. Yoga is the worse.
I could not bend like those people. It won't help me at all.
Yoga would only cause me more pain.
About excercise, I'm gonna have to wait till World Cup ends.
(They replace my excercise program with World Cup review and analysis.)
But if it really help I might start jumping around the house this evening.
I mean I'm not afraid to die, just not willing to go now that's all.

Sorry you have to read this.
I'm just so full of...shit right now and there's no place to go.
Crying in my bed every night, being angry at God for this whole thing won't help no more.
Well, my friend told me my luck will change.
I'm gonna hold on to that one for now.
If the hormones they're about to inject won't help...I'll shoot myself!
Damn!

Amy

Just My Luck!

Have you ever seen the hope of your Perfect Life fell apart right in front of you?
Weel, I did...

I thought things would run smoothly after the test.
I thought life would be better.
I was wrong.
Of course it has to be sucky and hard.
Cause I'm Amy.
We're all aware by now that being Amy never equal being luckly, let alone being happy!
Right now I'm struggling to find new job or jobs abroad.
I sent like 10 applications from New york Times to some resorts in Tahoe!
Still no reply whatsoever.
And the freaking disappointment part is probably the fact that my sole sponser has turned his ass on me!
Damn you!

After this incident, there is one thing I want to see...the castration of every irresponsible asshole male Homo sapiens.
(Agree? Give me Five!)
Then no one would have to go through shits I'm dealing with every freaking day!
No..no...no...I'm not being bitchy or anything.
I'm just speaking my mind.

Anyway, since every good journal needs good ending, right?
Then my ending would be this...
"I would work my ass off for a chance to go abroad and stay for a very very very loooOoong period of time."
See so darn good ending!

Amy (Dying to go skiing!)

Result!

I got the result...
Not as high as I expected though.
I got 7.0!
55555 only a week to prepare and I got it!
Hoo-Ray! You're such a smart bitch.
The next step would be...applying applying and applying.
I hope one or two or all of them will accept me.

I'll keep you posted.
Love Ya!

Amp =)

Back from the Battlefield!

I'm back!
I sat for IELTS exam yesterday and it was...hmm...I love to say it was great...but that would be a lie.
It went okay actually, not so good not so bad.
(but definately not GREAT!)
What I want to say is it was not as scary as I thought.
At least, I had no problem writing 2 essays on time!
Somehow, I also believe that I nailed some parts of that test too.
And that's my friends, was truly awesome.

I was litterally drove myself crazy.
It was not that terrible at all...really.
I think after this very incident, I would have to be less paranoid.
It's such a waste of time worrying about something that still not happen.
Like future, for instance, worrying tooOo much about it won't help you at all.
Just enjoy this moment...present moment.
Because you don't want to look back and say "Gee, I shoulda, woulda, coulda done this done that."
What's done is done, no return, no nO nO No nO.
Trust me on this one history never repeated itself.
I've learned that the hard way and still on my way to fully recovered from that.
So be aware of the present time, the very moment you're at.
That's the easiest way to live happily.

Anyway, the IELTS test result will be issued on June 7th.
We'll have to see if my expected 7.5 band score will be achieved.

Bye for now. A party to go tonight!

Amy Smiley =)

IELTS

Hello World!

I'm back!
I'm healthy again...sort off.Well, root canal thing is still bugging me.
The worst part is...another one of my teeth is about to give me the same gift!
Two root canals, lots of pain killers and definately more teeth doctor!
Dee Ae Emm En...Damn!

Well, the biggest change is about to happen soon.
The first step I take is...drum rolls please...I'm taking IELTS exam in 2 weeks.
May 25th, 2006 is the day.
It's such a nerve-racking for me.
So worried I won't be able to pass band 5...
I want band 7.5...so I can do pretty much anything with that.
Less than 7-7.5, is nothing.
It won't be useful for me at all! I guess!

So it's crucial to do a good job on that one, if I want to take the next step.
(The next step to go 'Inter' again.)
The thing is everybody seems to believe in my 'potential.'
The fact that I was a pretty smart student kinna give them the impression.
And that's really scared the shit out of me.
Cause I don't even believe I can do that.
I have been away from text books for soOooo long.
Like a few days ago when I tried to write a report from the graph given, I had to open the example page and immitated some sentenses to write a band 5 report.
That's not good at all!
Seriously...I'm way too dumb to be confident.

But then again, if they believe I can do the test, I should probably do the same.
Believe in my hidden or forgotten 'Potential.'
I know it will be SoOoo darn hard.
Hey...I managed to survive so many ordeal before, right, so IELTS test shouldn't be THAT HARD, if I work my butts off.
I hope. ={

Well, that's kinda nice.
Still...loads of study to do, lots of old tests to practice and definately millions of prayers to pray everynight...one time a night at least.
And I only got 2 weeks left...so little time so much to do!
Dee Ae Emm En...Damn!

Okay Amy...I bet you'll be fine after all.
Just keep praying, practicing, reading then praying again and again.
That should probably do...hopefully.
Better now?

Well, I'll come back for updates.
If you don't hear from me after the test...check the nuts house.
I guess that's where I might dwell.
PEACE!!

Amy

My Health

Well, Hello There

I have some news to share.
As you know I planed to lose some weight...again.
I did lose 2-3 kgs.
(I believe I look a bit thinner these days.)
Well, of course that's not what I want to share.
It's way toOOo boring, even for me.
The thing was in order to lose some weight, I needed help.
That's why I went to diet clinic.
The doctor gave me some pills...diet pills to be exact.
I was doing fine for 2-3 weeks after taking those pills.
But when the doctor thought that I should be droping more weight, she gave me the new pills.
The pills were so strong I could not stand straight.
I thought it would get better after awhile but it didn't.
After 7 days of taking the strong pills I was moody, restless, dizzy, havibg really bad headache and sweating like a pig.
I knew there was something really wrong going on with my body.

The worse night was Friday 7th, I was literally blacked out for 2-3 minutes.
I remembered it vaguely, I was walking to the front door cause I heard my cat maewing outside.
I felt the world spinning so fast and that was all I remembered.
The next thing I knew I was lying on the ground outside of the house.
Mom and my sister were shocked!
They were screaming my name so loud, asking me what was going on, what was happened, why I was lying on the ground etc.
I could not answered any of the questions. I could not control my mouth.
It was shaking so hard.

After draging me back inside and put some ice on my right eye brow, mom and my sister told me they heard a bang and me calling for help.
I did not remember any of that.
That made me scared.
What if I fell from a high staircase and got myself seriously injured and never got up again?
Besides the black out thing, I also got bruised eye brow, injured back muscles,
almost broken ankle etc.
That's the reason why I would stop using diet pills forever.
They are too dangerous for everyone.
From now on I won't starve myself to death just to be thin like other girls.(Tyra banks said that on VH1.)
At least not anymore.
I don't have problem having a little bit more fat that other girls.
I shouldn't listen to what people say about being thin and all.
We are all beautiful just the way we are.
And if we're lucky, some one will find us attractive just the way we are too.
Do not risk your life because you want to be someone you're not.
I've learned this lesson the hard way and I'm so glad I have a chance to share it with you.
Stop hurting yourself, start loving it.
Believe me listening to yourself and please it is way easier than listening to others and try to please every single person.
I hope my post is useful for someone one way or another.
So good luck guys!

Amy =) (getting back on my feet soon!)

Little Voice in My Head

Hello!

It's me Amy.
How are you doing?
I'm good...on diet again. (Right!)
It's been a while since the last time we commuted'
Great news is I'm taking IELTS test on May 25th.
Bad news is the IELTS test is the only exciting things to happen lately.
What a fun, amazing, awesome life!!! Woooo Hoooo!

Well, actually there is a tiny little change going on around here.
It's kinna silly though.
So if you're looking for something matter or a non-idiotic post...I suggest you should say bye-bye and leave.
Okay...what I'm trying to say is about Paul Walker.
Yes, boo hoo boring...shut it!
No..You shut it!

Back to the subject, I watched Eight Below yesterday.
Paul was, of course, as hot and drop-dead as usual.
The stangest thing was at one point during the movie, there was this little voice inside my head said 'You'll never have him.'
It was the 1st time that I realised that Paul Walker was not for me at all.
Yes, I'm man enough to admit that I actually believed that at some point in an unearthly way, the guy and I would end up together.
Told you it's silly!

What was wrong with me?
I have no idea...litterally.
I assume that it's my path to join the real world.
No more 'IDEAL Imaginary Relationship' for me.
I finally capable of saying 'I would rather stay single than having a perfect fake relationship that only exists in my head.'
Well, it is sucks. Growing up is always sucks, esp. for me.
Nothing I can do about that anyway so deal with it!

Gotta go now. Got work to do.
BB

Amy =)

P.S. A guy from my past life is joing my company. Damn! what a great news! >:(

QUIT!

Dear Blogger

I'm on the edge.
I have enough of this so called work place.
It is so unfair for me to stuck here while all I want to do is quit.
QUIT! QUIT! QUIT!
If I don't have to support my family, oh..I would totally walk out of the place so quick!
That's how much I hate the place.

I should have got the darn airlines job.
I should be going places.
I'm so darn good at that...I'm not good at standing still at all.
I'm just...too unlucky to move on.
There are thousand of reasons keeping me from living the life I want.

Okay, let's just do this whole things again.
I'm not wishing for a great, perfect or ideal life, being Paul's girl whatsoever, what I really need is a new job outside of Thailand.
Is it too much to ask?
I have been such a good girl for so long....why?
This is the least you can do for me.
Just give me new job oppotunity.
That's all I'm asking for now.
(I'll ask for sth else someday but new job is something to die for at the moment.)
You know what, I'm leaving now...there's one place I have to go.
Australia Center here I come.

Amy

S.O.S Help is needed!

Ok, it's official now.
I'm so doomed!
Everyone is coming to my town this Friday to apply or EK.
I'm gonna freak for sure!
What am I gonna do?
I don't want to skrewed up this time.
I NEED to get out of this place asap.
I'm gonna have to practice breathing in and out to control my excitement.
I need to keep my cool.
Or else...you know so well, what's gonna happen!

God...Please help...
Amy (freak out...again)

Airlines update!

I'm back with updates!
Qatar called and sent me e-mail inviting me for an interview.
Wanna guess what happened?
Well, I forgot to check my 'business' e-mail address.
You know now what happened right?
Damn it!

Well, I try to be positive about that by telling myself EK is coming to my town.
After years and years and months of praying, those guys are finally coming to Chiang Mai...to my town!
Coincident? There is no such thing as coincident, my friends.
I think (or at least that's what I want to think) EK comes to my town because of my pray.
With that reason, I believe this is it...The Door that I have been waiting for my whole life.
It's happening...really happening.
Don't need smart people to tell me it is a once-in-a-life-time oppotunity, meaning I can't screwed up this time.
(Even Joey came to me one night and told me to try harder!)
So nervous of course...terrifying, nerve-racking, you name it I feel it.

So please wish me luck people.
I'm gonna need some of those real soon.
Thanks in advance =)

Amy (Tolly Dolly to be)