Lost and Found

I was invited to join Etihad Cabin Crew Recruitment Interview and screwed up!
I didin't have enough time to prepare for 'GOOD and Perfect' speech.
No wonder why they asked me to leave after an individual interview.
I survived three tasks...grooming check, English Test, Group Discussion and flunk the Individual Interview for being too blunt. Damn You!
I was disappionted of course. It took me three caotic days to get there.
I should have been one of their new cabin crew.
That would probably be the end of the world if the worst thing in the universe didn't happen to me a day after that interview.
My beloved grandma passed away.

It was the worst feeling I have ever felt in my entire life.
I thought losing my cats were so bad but it could not compare to this particular feeling.
It was empty. You wanted to cry but you couldn't.
It felt like someone ripped your heart of your chest..even breathing was so damn hard to do.
There is a hole in your heart now...there's no way you can fill that hole no matter how hard you try.
I know what it's called...Loss. Yes..Loss.
What I regret the most is the fact that I had no chance to say goodbye to her.
My mom and I were on our way to see her when my aunt called and told us that Grandma passed away.

My grandma was one strong old lady.
She could walk, rode a bike, cooked and did pretty much anything.
That's why we were so worry when the doctor told us she had cancer a year ago.
We did everything we could to keep her healthier and live longer.
Last year was the worst year cause she couldn't ride her bike anymore.
She could not walk, exercise and cook liked she used to.
It was a difficult year for her.
On Tuesday December 20 2005, she took an afternoon nap and never woke up.(around 4 something P.M.)
Just like that she went to haeven without good bye.
The only thing that makes me feel better is she went peacefully.
she lives in heaven now, a place where no cancer, weakness, haedache or whatever disease could harm her.
She is heathy again. She is fine and free just like Paba said.

One thing I learn from my Grandma's death is if you love someone, let them know.
If you want to do something, do it.
If you want to be anything..anything at all...try, or at least die trying.
Don't let anything stops you from going where you want to go, doing what you want to do or being what you want to be.
Learn from your pain and move on.
That's all you can do when someone you love dearly has gone.
There's no need to forget them, remember them.
Keep them close to your heart and your love ones will help you through the darkest time of your life.

Rest in Peace Grandma, we're all gonna be fine.
Love You Always

Amp =)

What a Terrible Day It Is!!!!

Damn Damn Damn!!

It started with 1/2 hour of waiting for that silly bus to pick me up.
(I was so angry at God for not sending me the lousy transportation. Well, there will be a really long confession. Hope He forgive me...Please...forgive me. I'm begging you.)
Followed by a really big pile of work.
Then there is this game Crush Calculator...I sent link to my crushes just to find out that Beans was gay..the biggest gay in the universe and P.K. liked someone else!
If that's not sucks enough...this guy who happens to be the love of my friend's life had secret crush on me.

Damn Damn Damn!!
Just love a day like today...
Really really do >:O

I'm soooo gonna end up alone.

Amy

Good Thought

Someone asked me a few days ago...why are you still single?
Why am I still single?
Hmm... let's see...I'm too picky maybe.
Or it's just not the 'right' time to meet the 'right' guy yet.
Or I'm just not that lucky in love..
Or, maybe...just maybe, I was born to run wild by myself.

Is it sad? Yes, it was...a long time ago.
It used to bother me so much to know that I will end up alone...dead in my house with half of my face missing. (Forensics find out later...my face was eaten by my cats cause they are too hungry.)

Anyway, where was I?
Oh..it used to be a 'crime' hanging a scarlet letter "S" around my neck.
Everybody was having someone to love. Of course I was not one of those people.
I guess it happens sometime...wanting someone cause you hate to be alone.
It's not love. I know that now.
Love and relationship is not Valentine's date, candle light dinner, romantic getaway or whatever.
It's about understanding, acceptance, patience and so on.
Why, cause it's not just you it's about taking care of someone's heart and feelings too.
I'm not sure I can do that.
Well, I might be able to be some guy's good girlfriend someday.
But not that soon...not any time soon.
I believe what appropriate now is to quote Carry Bradshaw, my favourite lady in the world.

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with. "

Wow..that's just so cool!!!
All I have to do is make sure I'll always come back here whenever I feel sad and down.
This silly post will brings smile back to my face again.
For Sure!

I love being me. I really do. =)
Amp

Mom's Birth Day

Dear Blogger

November 6, 2005 was a fantastic day.
Nice day like that was hard to find for me lately.
That's why I'm happy to share my story here.
That day was Mom's birthday.
My sister and I held a small party for her.
It was really good...the whole thing you know.
Food was great, music was awesome, the drinks...oh the drinks were amazing.
We were laughing so much that day.
It was a really really good good day for our family.

I remembered vaguely about a day like that.
It was my birthday party a few years ago.
We did the same things...eat, drink and sing so loud.
Thsn it hit me. I realised one thing 'Happiness is not that hard to find.'
Spending time with your love ones, doing whatever crazy things you feel like doing' cosuming anything you want(high carb, full fat, etc.)
That's what happiness is all about.
That's what birthday is all about...
Birthday is not about fancy feast or expensive gifts...just a small party, a few happy birthday phone calls and lots of smilling faces are all that I need for my birthday.
And I strongly hope everyone would do the same.
Cause if I, Amy, found happiness by doing those things, anyone could find it too.
Pretty good, right? Well, I can come up with pretty good stuff too. (from time to time!)

Well, hope to write more of the good journal in the future.
Nice day folks! =)
Good Old Amy (with a really happy heart)

You're Beautiful

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

People at The Party

There was a company party last night.
It was pretty awesome, though I had to spend the night in dog poops...literally.
It hit me...reality...I noticed a lot of people were different after alcohol got them.
Some were nicer, some were nastier, some were more aggressive and some, like me, were milder.
I could not believe how quiet I was when I'm drunk.
That was pretty pathetic actually.
I could never hang around with friends and drink and dance cause I always fall asleep after first drink!!
Well, that's it for now.
I'll come back later.

Amy *<=)Party Animal

EK and Me

Just a short message...
EK starts to call people for their new recruitment team.
They forget to call me, AGAIN.
Should I give up on them now?
Should I keep on fighting for them, although I know I'm gonna end up sad and disappointed?
So hard to decide.

Nice Life Folks!
Amy =(

Riding with My Beans

Dear My Beloved Blogger
Guess what....
What? What? What?
=) I had a chance to go somewhere with Beans!!!
For two days in a role!!! Scream!!!!
And the best things of all is, I'm now so sure that Beans is straight!!!
Bravo! Yeah! Hoo-Ray! Woo- Hoo!

You think my life is perfect now, ha?
No way, Hon, this is me remember.
I'm unlucky Amy.
Even though I know Beans is straight, there's a price to pay.
Beans likes someone else and likely to 'stand still' with someone too.
Nice, isn't it?
Bravo! Yeah! Hoo-Ray! Woo-Hoo!

Anyway, Beans is just one of the messy stuff I'm dealing with at the moment.
Career thing is of course my priority.
Then there is Granny's health issue.
My Granny is sick. She will be better.
I'm not ready to let her go yet...not when I'm still the same loser she raised up 25 years ago.
I want her to see my success.
If she has to go...I want her to see a sucessful Amy, to be proud.
That's what I'm trying to say.

Then there is health thing: weight lose, diet stuff, teeth problems, the list goes on...
I'm tryimg so hard to fix these annoying problems. Still waiting to be cured.
And there are more problems I have to take care of.
If we had enough space and time, I would be moe than happy to address them.
In short what I'm trying to do is stop being so messy and pathetic.
That's what I'm working on everyday for years and years.
Damn! My life's sucks!

Gotta go now...
Great Day!
Same Old Messy Amy

P.S. How can something so nice like a ride with Beans end up to be my messy life again?
Damn it, Amy! You're so full of yourself.

Belly...SUCKS!

Hi!
I want to know how far I have to go to get rid of my belly?
The danm thing is getting bigger and bigger each time I look at it.
I lose 5-6 kgs. for the past few months...my belly still not disappear.
So I set 'Abs-Workout Day' three times a week, hoping to have flat, fantastic and fabulous abs.
I think Sunday, Tuesday and Friday would be the great days to get rid of my belly.

What I'm afraid of is my belly might never goes away unless I ask some doctors to cut it open and suck fats and fluids out.
That's just scary.
But of course I'll keep that option in mind.
I might need that someday. Who knows!

Gotta Go!
Amy =) Belly =O

I HOPE YOU DANCE

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion)
I hope you dance
(Always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder
Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

(Time is a real and constant motion)
I hope you dance
(Always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder
Where those years have gone)

written by Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers,
sung by Lee Ann Womack,
backup vocals by Sons of the Desert

FOR YOU and You only, Amy!
Just hang in there!

Let's Call Him Beans

Why do I have to dress up for a guy who will never look at me...not in a million years?
If that's not sucks enough, I'm 85% positive that the guy is GAY.
Yes GAY GAY GAY. Darn Darn Darn!!!!
OK. Let me start it again, properly.
The thing is, I kinna like this guy...let's call him Beans.
I like Beans a little..who am I kiddin, I like Beans a lot.
He is so cute and funny.
Everybody says Beans has lots of gay qualities. That's why most people think he is gay.
I'm trying NOT to believe that rumor but the dude does look a little bit GAY.
Let's analyze his so call gay qualities...shall we?

1. He lives with the same guy for years. He tells everyone, that guy is JUST FRIEND. Right!
2. He wears a ring on his wedding finger. Guess who gave that ring to him...ding ding ding...his 'FRIEND'.
3. He likes kids. He wants kids. Who want kids at age of 25? I know I don't!
4. I'm not so sure about this one but Beans kinna pay too much attention to this particular guy in the office...particular GAY guy to be exact.
5. One of the girls said she saw Beans doing 'gay-like' dancing with a guy one night at this pub downtown.I wish I saw that dance move so I know if he is a dancing queen or just dancing jack ass.

Well, how about that? Is he gay?
I really can't tell. It's too hard for me to tell.
How can I, a girl who fell for Stephen Gateley from Boyzone and Mark Feehely from Westlife, seperate straight guys from gay people.
I just can't. My gaydar is broken!!! DAMN!

Anyway, the bottom line is Beans will never look at me the way I want him to.
That's all it matters. There is no chance whatsoever for Amy and Beans so call happy ending.
What left now...hmm...let's see...hmmm...nothing.
OOHHH Great! I have to start my love journey all over again! Or Maybe not?
I think I'll stay away from the battlefield for now.
It's not that good for me anyway, you know, love and relationship.
So why bother! Right?
Okay, this one goes for the people of the world, enjoy love while you can cause you might end up being a really unlucky whining bitch someday.
Just like me.
How lovely!

Good Luck Guys!
Kiss Kiss
Amy_Lonely :P

OHH...MY GODDDDD!!!!...>O

Dear My Beloved Empty Blog
First and foremost..let me just...scream!
I went to BKK.
They wanted me to work for them.
I wanted to work for them...but I don't now.
So I told them I couldn't accept the offer...STUPID AMY!
Now guess what happen...two more people are leaving the company.
It could have been me!!!
Stupid stupid stupid Amy!!!
EWWWHEWEEEW!!!!!
I hate my luck!

Nice Life!
Yeah as if!

Amy

BKK this Sunday

I'm going to Bangkok this Sunday.
I'm going there for a job interview...my first step to a better life.
I'm going there hoping to see P.K.
I'm going there fighting for my brighter days.
I'm going to Bangkok on Sunday.

I don't know if I would get the job...I mean there is a great chance that they will find me too ordinary, too fat, too talkative...too Amy.
And Amy is a loser. Not many people want to work with a loser, you know!

Anyway, do I really want this job?
You know so well what the answer is.
I'm waiting for the Airlines job.
Yep, I'm still waiting stupidly for any of those airlines to call... to pick me.
But of course, I know that I might never get that damn job at all.
That's why I started to look for other jobs.
Cause I can't wait and hope and dream that things will work themself out without any afford.
That's too hopeless...even for me.

Well, if this job is the job I have to do, I'll do it.
There are at least 4 lives depend on me right now.
I'm not gonna fail them.
I can't fail them...
Failure is not an option.

So what now?
Well, I'll never stop hoping to live happily somewhere outside Thailand.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Cause living happily in America, Europe or Australia is my ultimate dream.
So yes I'm gonna keep fighting for that.
Be happy or die trying, right?

Amy =)

P.S. My ulcers are back!! What a great life??!!??

Rainy Days

I think my ulcers has come back.
I just love them for coming back!!! Damn. >:(
Anyway, what's up! How are you doing?
It has been raining and raining and raining then raining again and again everywhere.
It would be so nice to stay home and wait to see the rainbow but as 'lucky' as I am I have to go out and work everyday.
How amazing!
That's really sucks! So darn sucks!

OK...let's see what should I tell you today...how about my coming days off?
I really really need it so very bad.
I'm waiting for the days to come.
Work has been, as always, boring.
So I want some time off from work from people from everything, literally.
I guess it happens sometimes with other people too you know...being so bored that staying away seems to be the only solution.
But then again, I will be back where I am again after holidays and that is even sucker.
God God God please show me the way...show me where to go.
I want to meet new people, to do new things, to live a completely different life.
I believe...I know that all those new moves in life will surely make me feel better.
Better than where I am today cause today is not good...nothing can be worse than my daily life...trust me on that one.
I just hope somehow I would be able to pull myself back on my feet again.
It takes sometimes for that to happen...it takes times to finally find happiness wherever it is, right?
That day will come...it will come for sure.

Another silly borring story of my boring life isn't it?
Well as always, hope the next posts are brighter ones.

Amy =(

Better Life..is coming(?)

Hi!

Ok Ok Ok even I have to admit that somehow things are getting tiny bit better.
The thing is I'm getting new super cool digital camera today or tomorrow.
I didn't even expect it coming, you know.
I thought it would take a few months for my Dad to buy me the new camera.
After all he just bought me a cute Hello Kitty cell phone last few months.
I think it's a gift from God to stop me from complaining sssooo much about my messy life!

Then again I'm still waiting for what I have been needing for so long...new career, better body and of course the big L letter.
It may take longer for those things to come.
But they will eventually arrive when the time is right..when I really deserve them.
At least now I can hope that good days are not THAT far away.
Hold on Amy dear...you are a good girl and you will get it all...all you ever wanted.
Not for long...not for long.

I LOVE YOU.
You Precious.

Amy_Amp =)
(Bigger Smile Today)

P.S. My P.K. never called. He was in Chiang Mai but didn't call. =(
UK movie shooting date is postponed. Well, be patience, they are coming...they are coming closer and closer...

It would be GREAT to be away for a while

Hello!

I was so close to post silly, gloomy, pathetic story of my life but I change my mind.
I think I'll try to be positive this time.
You know what I have been thinking and dreaming about lately...a holiday.
Holiday here doesn't mean not going to work and sleep all day,it means going away from my daily monotonous life for a few days or weeks.
That would be really awesome!

The thing is I'm auditioning for a tiny part in a UK movie tomorrow.
If I got the part, I would be travlling to Ao Manoa.
It's one of the nicest beaches of Thailand.
I've never seen it before but heard a lot about its beauty.

I think they will pay me $100 for saying "You're doing great."
Please don't ask how much I have to pay to get there. It's way too cruel!!)

Wish me luck!
Amy =)

P.S. Anyway, P.K. is coiming home. If I'm lucky I'll be seeing P.K. by the end of this month and being a part of a movie next month! So excited!!!

My P.K.

Hello! Hello! Hello!
I just finished eating my BirthDay cake.
(O.K. that's a good reason to start that abs work out today!!)
My colleagues hold an early BirthDay party for me.
Well, I like it really I do but that will never change the fact that I need to move on...real bad.
I hope my 'moving on' is coming closer and closer as the 25th year of my life is approaching.
It would be an awesome BirthDay gift...

Have you ever been liking you FRIEND so bad for so long?
I do. His name is P.K.
How long have I been knowing P.K....
Hmm..let's see...I first met him when I was 12..I'm 25 now so wow...13 years.
I have been having this so call crush on my friend for 13 years!
Well, I can't really call it a crush...it's a little bit more complicated than that.
Let's just say I like him and I BELIEVE P.K.likes me as well.
He gave me a thornless red-rose on Valentine's Day once when we were in 9th grade.
We never really been in any relationship.
He is my friend and I'm his friend, although I know,for me,P.K.is always more than friend.

So what's the problem then?
The problem...let's see...how about he always has someone beside him or he probably doesn't feel the way I feel for him.
And that's my friends...is really really bugging me.
I like him...I do... a lot actually.
I sometimes hope that he too likes me back and we can end up dating or be together.
He makes me laugh and brighten up my days.
Not many people can do that but he does.
And it scares me...it scares the hell out of me.
I know somehow P.K. is one of hundred reasons why I'm still running away from love no matter how much I need to be loved.
I think he is that guy...an ideal guy...the guy I measure everyone up against.

What's the heck is wrong with you Amy?
I don't even know why I even have to worry about that stuff.
I mean..he lives in BKK. I'm in Chiang Mai.
We are far a part. And it's not like I get to see him that often anyway.
It just...he promised me yesterday he would visit at the end of this month.
He said his visit would be like my BD present.
It makes me reallize that I never could get over him.
He has played a very important part in my childhood life and he still playes a very important part in my life these days.
So sad isn't it?
Well, it is sad...trying to give your everything to someone you can't have.
In a parallel universe P.K. and I would probably be happily not married but at least we would surely be in love.
That's will never happen not in a million years...
So stop being silly...try harder to make your friend your friend.
That's gonna make your love life less complicated! (I wish!)

Yet, another messy messy post ha?
That's me. Messy is my middle name.
I'll see ya later.

Miss Amy 'Messy' R. Shanan

Life is SUCKS!!!

I officially hate my life.
Seriously, there is no goodness left for me at all.
Everything I hate is coming to me...every freaking thing I hate.
Want example...being fat again (SCREAM!!!), recieving no reply from those silly airline jobs I applied for, falling for someone who is not available and doesn't even like me, being so poor that selling my internal organs might be the only way to survive the oil price crisis, having parents that most of the time don't understand me, the worst of the worse is stucking here in Thailand when all I want is to be anywhere but here!!!!
Darnit! Darnit! Darnit! Darnit! Darnit!
Can life get any worse...for me?
Is that a trick question?
Hell..Yeah!
This is me we're talking about, right?

Well, I'm just being sacastic you know.
Of course I too want a good life.
After all everyone deserves that, I guess!?

Gatta go now...hope the next post is less bad.

Amy >:(

When I Thought My Life is Getting Better...

Hi!

Well, guess what has happened...I failed again.
EK starts calling people for an interview.
I'm not one of those people.

Again this shit happen to me.
My life will never be better.
I'm sure about that now.
Nothing good will happen to me.

That's all I want to say.
Hope life treat you better.

Amy

P.S. My Life Quote:
"You don't understand! I could had class. I coulda been the contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am."
On the Waterfront, 1954

After a while Crocodile. Life is getting Better!

Hello!
This is me Amy again.
Well, my first plan of "flying away" from my job has failed.
I went to Academy Fantasia audition and of course there are someone else better than me. Yeah! better than me! =P
That's not really my dream anyway.
I want to go abroad being a part of the show will keep me here.
And I don't want that.

Oh Oh don't get me wrong I love Thailand so much.
It's just...life is hard here...my life is soooo hard living here and I want out.
My time in America was so great and I miss that life.
I will never ever find that kind of freedom and happiness here in my home country.
Irony isn't it?
This time if I have a chance to go back there, I would not come back unless I get my greencard.
I will also try to take Mom, my sister and my cats with me.
I would be extreamly happy!!

Anyway, I'm still waiting for some replies from the two airlines I applied for earlier this year.
I hope they call me and like and of course hire me.

Life is getting better and better and better.
That's my believe.
God has good plan for me.
No matter how sad life is at the moment, tomorrow will always be a better day!
Guarantee!!! =)

Amy

Darn, Heart Break!

Hi There!
It's Amy again. (Who else can it be!)
You know what...the boy is taken!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!
I was kinna chatting with the boy on MSN yesterday...and somehow he told me he had a girlfriend!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!
He met that girl 4 months ago!
I wanna scream!
I just hate it! I mean...you know...I fall for someone things look good for awhile.
Next thing I know he becomes gay or has a girlfriend!!!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!
It's a pattern...it's how my so called 'LOVE' always end up.
Like I said it's a pattern.
That's the main reason why I'm still single.
I'm not being picky or anything.
I guess...I believe that's Karma from I have no idea when or where.
It doesn't make any sense!
Why do we have to pay or take any responsibility for something we can't even remember we did!!!
Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!

Gotta Go.
I'm so sick of being lonely.

Amy =(

P.S. Song of the day... Lonely No More=Rob Thomas

Boy, Interupted

Well...How Dy?
I feel pretty good actually.
What can I say...hmm..I don't feel THAT good.
I don't even know how to start telling you this.
I think...I feel that...I believe that I'm falling for someone.
There it is. I just said it, have I?
I have been out of this thing for so long like...2-3 years I guess!
Yes, it's been almost 3 years since the last time I believe I fall for someone outside the Screen.
Now the boy is sitting a few steps away.
It's just...I don't know I like the fact that I'm falling for someone again.
It keeps me alive you know.
But the fact that I have been away from the battle field for so long makes this feeling somehow rather scary for me.
I don't know...I just don't know.
It's complicated.
I know the boy has someone.
With his looks and his sense of humor and his guitar...I bet lots of girls are more than happy to line up for him.
What I'm feeling right now is surely one-sided thing.
And that's just so sad so sad that I have to write the story on my blog. =(
I wish I could just snap my fingers and get rid of this feeling for good.
Of course I cannot do that.
Darn it!!
What should I do with him?
I hope the Airline accept me or the next best thing to be on Academy Fantasia so I don't have to deal with this feeling again. (Loser!!)
That would be the perfect perfect solution for this messy messy situation.
OH....DARN IT!!!!!!

Gatta Go!
I hate how I feel!
Darn it!

Amy =O

We are the Chiampion!!!!!! =)

Hey! Great News, Great News!!!!
We won the UEFA Champion League 2005! **=)**
Thanks God for making one of my long time dreams came trough.
You have no idea how long I have been waiting for the day to came.
Ten years...yes I have been The Kop for 10 years.
I bet no one understand how happy we feel unless you are one of us.
We are back!
Our glorious days are back.
And it will get better and better each day!!!

The match was such a miracle.
Milan had 3 while we had none after the first half.
Lots of people gave up after they saw that score.
I was so glad The REAL fan didn't.
They started to sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" so loud and believe it or not they did help brought up the team spirit!!
I wish I was there so I could celebrate with the rest of my fellow friends!
But of course, I was at home screaming and crying. =)

Nothing can really bring me down now..for another while even the fact that my career plan is still...well...sucks and messy.
The fact that my childhood dream finally came through gives me this...so called enlightenment.
If my Liverpool, after all the walk on rocky road, could win that match with such a handsome result makes me realize that I, too, can win anything I set my mind up for!!!!

I know what I am writing does not really make sense for some people but I'm on high and it just...amazing.
That's what I can say now.
No matter where the road takes The Kop, I sure follow.
Nothing can take this happiness away from me cause after all I know I'll never walk alone.

The Kop Forever and Ever
Amy =)

It's Amy =)

Dear Blogger

It's Amy as usaual.
I'm back after a really LONG pause.
I wasn't really myself...you know the pills I was taking and the flu and fever I just recovered from and of course th disappoint from my first SERIOUS attempt to become a flight attendant.
Again..no oppotunity to go for an interview.
I wish they could at least call me for English Test and Interview.
They were shallow for judging people from their covers aka. photo.
I'm not a photogenic person then what no chance forever!!!
Darn! I hate that! =(

Anyway, I recently found another way to ruin my self-respect...Academy Fantasia II.
I'll try my best not to give up before they tell me "You know what we like you but you gotta go!"
If that really happen...I would be ok..I guess.
After all ou can't lose what you never had, right?

Gotta go now.
Wish Me Luck, I really need it!

Amy

Just Drop By

I thought I was going to post something new today but I have some errand to do...
So I guess, I'll see you later.
Just want you to know I'm still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEE HA!!!!

Amy =)

Qatar Airlines turns me down!
Your lost, my friend!!!

Sad Sad Sad =(

I am so sad.
I am so so sad.
I am so so so sad.
I was crying my eyes out last night.
For what reasons...I have no idea.
Everything seemed to be a perfect reason to cry.
I was taking to God too.
I told him everything I felt about the life I'm living.
I basically told him how much I hated my life.
I have the worst parents, job, health, self-esteem, love life, personal life etc.
I could not find anything in life that I want to treasure.
I thought my Mom was my best friend but I was wrong.
Everything was always about her. She got angry at me for saying "I'm working everyday to support you."
How can you get mad at your daughter for speaking her mind esp when that thing was the truth.

I have been taking care of my family since I graduated.
It has been over two years now.
I have to take care of my family expenses for over two years.
My Dad stopped paying for the family expenses after I got my Kingsmill job.
He assumed that I could take all the responsibility by myself but he was wrong.
I can't take it...no more. I should be living a life...my life not their lives.
I can't go anywhere with my friends anymore because I can't afford that.
I am the oldest 24 years old woman in the world.

I had plan back when I was in high school to find a job and took post-graduate program so working won't be too boring but I can't do that.
If I took that program, we won't have anything to eat...and we then will die.
So doing what I want like studying, taking trips with riends or doing not-well-paid job is selfishness.
I would never be able to live my life as long as I can't provide my family a good fortune.
That's a life I'm living right now.

I would be so much better and easier for me to deal with this whole thing if I have someone for me, someone to believe, someone to keep me warm, someone who never ever leave me alone, someone I can rely on forever....of course there is no one like that for me, at least.
So I turn to God. He was the only one I can think of in these times of hardness.
I pray every night for better life even though I don't even know if he can hear my prayers.
I can't stop believing in him. I can't. He is my only hope now.
I don't know how long does it take for God to finally hears your prayers and rescues you from your darkest days...I hope it's not too long.
I'm too tired to wait that long.
Still I have this tiny little part of me that somehow believe that someday in the future when I come back to this entry I'll be laughing my ass off instead of crying my eyes out.
That day WILL come. It MUST come cause I have been such a good girl and asking for happiness...to be able to live my life shouldn't be too much.
I'll wait for that day. And I'll never stop believing no matter how sucks my life is!!!

Hope you have better life!!
Be Happy!

Amy =(

The Pills I'm Taking

How Dy?
I wish I could say I'm doing fine but I can't.
I'm sick, literally.
I feel dizzy all the time.
I'm also having this so call black out every other hour.
It's sooooooo scary.
I know these are the side-effects from the diet pills I'm taking recently.
I lose 4 kgs after dental surgery and taking these pills.
I have leaner body and I love it.
I hope to lose 2 more but the pills are killing me.
That's why I decided to stop taking them this weekend.
I'll go back to the clinic and aks for the other set of pills that we suppose to take to stop weight loss process.
(If I don't die within this week!!)
I hope the stop pills won't hurt me so much.
I would never take diet pills if I don't want to be a flight attendant so bad.
The main reason I'm taking these pills is no airline hire fat cabin crew.
I don't know what gonna happen next week after I stop taking these pills.
I hope my leaner body stays with me.
Please stay with me...I have done so much even risking my life to be thin.
God make me thin and healthy please...

Amy

My Favourite Quotes Episode II

I have been searching for many interesting quotes from many places and now it's time to put them up here.
Most of the quotes come from movies and tv series.
I really love them all.
So..enjoy!!

P.S. I got 925 points from TOEIC test!!! Love it!

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Lance Armstrong: Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't anything to regret for the rest of their life. Well good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.

Peter La Fleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.

Peter La Fleur: There's someone out there for everybody.
Owen: You think?
Peter La Fleur: Absolutely. In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot".

Ally McBeal

I like being a mess. It's who I am.

"I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I just need things to happen."

You know I just got this piano, sometimes I sing this song it's called goodnight my someone...and it's about...well, basically it's a love song about someone you never met but you know is out there. And I dunno we make so few promises to ourselves as we grow up and one of them is that on our wedding day we walk down the aisle with someone we love. Somebody who does make your heart bounces, I guess. And there are some promises that I think we have to keep.

Georgia Thomas: Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else's?
Ally McBeal: They're mine.

Richard Fish: Let me tell you something. I didn't become a lawyer because I like the law; the law sucks. It's boring, but it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody? Cost him everything he's worked for? Make his wife leave him, even make his kids cry? Yeah, we can do that.

Richard Fish: Make enough money, and everything else will follow. Quote me. That's a Fishism

Ally McBeal: Love isn't always enough.
Larry: Yeah, it is. You go without it long enough and you realize it's everything.

Scrubs

"I think the second you stop fighting it, time really is on your side, and you can go on being who you are."

J.D.: But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.

So, I guess Turk was right after all: Miracles do happen. I think you just have to be willing to look for them.

I like to think that your life comes down to the choices you've made along the way like standing up to a superior or the choice to focus on what you have in common, instead of what you don't or the choice to let someone help you, for once. In the end, you just have to trust your decisions. And hopefully, you'll land on solid ground.

I usually don't like thinking about the future. I mean, let's face it; you can't predict what's gonna happen. But sometimes, the thing you didn't expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is just stop trying to figure out where you're going, and just enjoy where you're at.

I don't think people are meant to be by themselves. That's why, if you actually find someone you care about it’s important to let go of the little things Even if you can't let go all the way. Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone...no matter how many people are around.

I guess, in the end, things seldom work out exactly the way you expect. Other times, well, you've kind of sealed your own fate. Either way, you have to trust that whatever's supposed to happen, will happen. Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.

Miscellaneous

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person really knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that you were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?” -While you were sleeping

If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.

Life is tough; it's tougher when you're stupid. - John Wayne

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite

People only talk about you because you are what they wish they were.

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have love, today is beautiful.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Do what makes you happy. After all, you're the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror every day.

Hope is what you live on while you wait for your dreams to come true.

"When you really look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they're actually beautiful. Possibly even me." - My So-Called Life

All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us. -The Wonder Years

Back in Actions

Hey! 'S up? I'm back!!
Many interesting things have happened within the past few weeks.
Firstly I finally had my tooth removed!
That was one of the biggest achievement for me.
I have been having this big dental surgery phobia thing going on for years.
I was so afraid of it that I passed out once after one dental surgery.
They sent me to the ER cause they thought I was dying!!!
Well, the lastest one went ok.
I'm glad I didn't pass out this time.(I blacked out a bit though!)

Secondly I took TOEIC exam for the second time.
I got 850 or something last time.
I hope my score is higher this time.
But I was "BLANKED" for at least 5 minutes during the listening test.
I hope my speculation on those "BLANKED" questions were right!

Next..I'm going to a diet clinic this evening.
Need to go to the extreme to make an impact.
I hope I can reduce my big belly, fat cheeks, broad shoulder, oh so big thighs without killing myself with the nagative side effects of the pills I'm about to take.
Com' on it only takes a few weeks to lose 5 kgs, am I right?
I have to go to the clinic cause I have been dieting for almost 2 months but I'm still fat!!!
Flight attendants need to be thinner.
Wish me luck!

Finally, I am altering my religion.
I'm becoming a Christian now.
I asked God to give a sign if I was meant to a Christian.
He did gave me three signs.And that was enough for me.
I'm not so sure if I can be a good Christian but I try my best.
After all it's always nice to have something to hold on to, isn't it.

That's all for now.
I'll talk to you soon.
Amy =)

The Perfect Man

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.

The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.

He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is gay

From: http://www.coffeerooms.com/forums/gurlfriends/laughs/index.html

Knowing Me!

The best way to know others is to know yourself.
That's nice! Someone should quote that one. Seriously!!
I come up with this self-learning "technique" a few days ago.
The best way to know what I really want is to get to know myself thoroughly.
I ask people...lots and lots of people about lots and lots of thing.
Their responses and suggestions are great.
But then again none of those great advices works for my situation.
That's why I, Amy, will be the one who answer all the questions I have by myself!
(I know smart people probably figure that out ages ago. Have I not tell you I'm dull!)
O.K! Let's get it started, shall we?O.K. I'll start the self-learning process here!Hmm...Hmm...Any idea where to start?Darn it!!!
I should know where to start!! Gosh..this is my life.
Who would understand me more than myself! Danm!
O.K. Again! I will start my getting to know me thing here!

1. My name is Suvichaya Rerkshanandana or Amp.
I like to be called Amy R. Shanan or Amy.
In fact, some of my friends know me as Amy which is kinna cool. I like it!

2. I'm 167 cms. heigh and weight 59 kgs.
I don't like my height and my weight.
I wish I could be a little bit taller says 3 cms more and 5 kgs less.
In order to achieve my ideal weight goal, I am now back to my diet routine!! I hope to reach the goal asap like in a month. Wish me luck!
(I just finished eating fat full candy! Amy you need to focus!!)

3. I am Thai. OK. This is a rather serious stuff. If you don't dig serious stuff pass it.
There are many narrow-minded people from Western world see us as "The Sin City."
They associate the word Thai with postitutetion, sex, crime, pollution, theft etc.
I fell sorry for them actually. They miss the beautiful side of my country.
They would never get the oppotunity to appreciate these beauty if they don't open their mind. But again we can never force anyone to change their opinion.
All we can do is to pray they find the light at the end of their narrow tunnel.
It's not nice at all hearing people talk trash about my HOME, a place where I grew up.
I hope one day I can be able to show the world how amazing Thailand is, to change people negative opinions, to make them love my Thailand as much as I do.
And that will make me so happy. =)

4. I have bad health. I have alcers stomach, colon...let just say I have the worst digestion system in the world.
I once tried to trade it with a cow cause she had 4 stomach. Of course she refused it!
That is why I stuck with this lousy thing for 24.5 years!
I believe the causes are my mouth and my hands.
The hands put too much bad food in the mouth which open so wide to accept whatever the hands bring. Bad bad mouth!
And I think staying up too late at night may have cause the alcers too.
I need to sleep early. It will help curing ulcers and lose my weight too!

5. The next one is my all time favourite subject...love and relationship.
I had..how many boyfriends..let's see..one in high school...one in..well, that's all I only had one boyfriend in High School which was almost 7 years ago.
Have you ever met anyone who stays single this long? Betcha don't!
I have no idea why I am always see myself holding my own hand on Valentine's, New Year, Christmas and every other holidays.
It is sad...so sad for me who always want 'someone' to be alone.
There were a some guys too you know, guys who try to be my special person.
None of them is right for me. I know they will disappear in a blink of an eye.
It used to bother me so much not being able to find the one for me but I'm better now.
After all only 13 couples find true love each day.
See the oods are too small. I guess my lucky day may never come.
I'm just unlucky in love that's all.

6. After spending around 10 mins trying to write serious stuffs above, I realize one thing, I can't handle them well.
I was restless, up set, frustrated everytime I have to make decision on serious issues like financial thing or career changing for instance.
I can't handle those stuffs at all. Period!
That's why I always tell people that being childish is my biggest flaw.
I need to work on that if I really want advancement in my career.
God! this self-learning thing is hard!

You know what, I think I know now what is the root of all the problems I have...childishness.
I always know I have a naughty little girl inside of me.
I want her cause she helps me get through many dark times.
She always stands by my side when the world seems too big and scary.
She brings my hope back. She makes me believe there are brighter days right ahead of me.
She helps me being an optimist.
But...I am a woman now. (eew!) It is time to wake the woman inside. (If I have one!)
She can't keep hiding behind the little girl anymore.
It's her turn to face the world now.
The girl will always be here to help me looking at all the world in optimistic light.
But when it comes to decision making, career changing, relationship aka. serious stuffs, I will let the grown-up do the job. That's how it should be for a long time.

Anyway, I'm glad I let these out of my system.
Not sure if this will work but how I'm feeling now makes me believe it will be better.
Nothing is too hard to handle.
Today is always worse than tomorrow.

Gotta go now!
Don't worry about me, I have a great life.
Amy =)

Ta-Ngeaw, Toy and Me 

Kitty Kitty Cat

My life has always been surrounded by puffy little creature called CAT.
I love all kind of cats especially the white ones.
I just feel so happy everytime I see them.
It's so lucky that my whole family love cats too.
That's why we never had a fight over pet issue.
There is always at least one cat in our house since I was a girl.

I rememeber vaguely about my first cat.
His name was Hmog. (or Fog in English)
He was a big yellow cat.
He might not be that big but I was just a little girl and that made him looked so big for me.
He had been living with Grams and my Mom for so long before I was born.
All I remember about Hmog is I loved to thrown him from the stairs and watched him landed.
He was so nice to me even though I was nothing but a little whitchy girl.
He disappeared one day. I thought it was my fault that he left.
I felt bad...so bad about it that I started to treat cats and all kinds of animals better.

Our second cat was Oliver.
She was black and white.
She was so cute and sweet when she was in her good mood.
If she was in a bad mood, well...scary. But we loved her dearly.
We bought her cakes and candies cause she liked them so much everytime we went shopping. She stayed with us for 2 years and she was poisoned to death.
We believed she was accidentally eaten dead rats in the rice fields near our place.
The rats were poison. It was so sad. I felt so sad.

After Oliver incident, my family decided not to raise any cat for awhile until one day a stray cat came to our house. Of course we kept him.
Mom named him Choke (means Luck) cause he always brought good luck. He was so nice.
He was never got mad at us. He just loved us dearly.
He never slept in our house at night. I guessed he had lots and lots of places to visit.
One day he came to the house looking really bad. He caught a bad cold.
He spent most of his time sleeping on a bench on the 1st floor.
He was killed by 3 dogs while walking from his rest room back yard to his bench.
My aunt buried him near the canal behind our place so he could travelling around like he always did.

After a tragic death of Choke.
Another cat came into ourlives.
He belonged to my neightbour but he spent most of his day time at our place.
His name was Sri Tong (golden) but I changed his name to Touch after a popular singer.
He was not that nice. He never biten us or anything. He was just...dirty.
He always went #1 and sometimes #2 on our floor.
So when his owner took him away, I didn't feel that sad.
He was not really my cat after all.

A few years later, we decided to have a cat again.
This time we brought 2 cats from a friend of my sister.
They were brown..dirty brown female cats.
Geu-Goon and Noon-Num were their names.
The names mean to help and to support.
We were so sacared to lose them like we did with all the cats we had in the past.
So we took great care of them both cause we didn't know what might happen, you know.
And our most fear came true when someone stole GG from our place one early morning.
GG was a sweet angle little cat. She was weak but we took care of her till she became better.
Then some monsters from hell took her away.
I just hate them...so much.
But I still had NN to take care of.

A few years afetr GG's gone, Noon Num was pregnant.
She had five babies but we got to keep only one of them, Zimba.
(The rest of her babies were too weak to survive.)
Because NN had no milk for her baby, my Mom had to be the one who fed Zimba.
He was so smart but he had a bad heart. He died before his first birthday.

We still had Noon Num. She was a true survivor.
She survived many many deadly situations in her life.
I thought she would always be with us but again another monster from hell took her away.
She escaped from that jerk once.
We kept her lock up in the house for weeks and weeks to make sure she was safe.
But we couldn't lock her up forever. We let her walk around again after awhile.
And she was gone. She was disappear and never came back.

In order to kept Noon Num company, Mom bought a little naughty kitten called Ta-Ngeaw form my cousin's place.
We believed she might feel better ater losing her son, Zimba.
Ta Ngeaw, what can I say about her. She was a nice kitten...now a really moody old lady!!!
She still here with me. It's been 7 years since this carzy cat came from my cousin's place.
We love her so much!!! She always sleeps in Mom's bedroom.
She hates my bed room for some reasons! She was our only cat for 5 years before we decided that we need more cats to play with.
That's why we brought another 2 white fat cats to be our dolls!!
Their name are Todd and Toy.

I really hate to say this but Todd was killed 5 months ago after spending 2 years of happiness with us.
I can't tell you without cring my eyes out about the day he was killed.
So I'm just gonna skip that one. Sorry!
All I can say is he was the angel. He was sent by heaven. He was so loving and smart.
That's why I am 100% sure he is in a good and safe place now.

Ok. Let's get back to talk about the cats I still have with me, Ta-Ngeaw and Toy.
God...I just love these 2 fur balls!!!
They make me happy everytime I go back from hard day of work.
They just come near me and let me pet them, hug them, kiss them and just rub thier soft fur.
Everytime my cats passed away, I told myself I would never loved any cats again.
It was so sad to lose something you love and cherish.
But they always surprised me. They somehow managed to open the door that closed by just being so darn liveky and cute!!!
I would surely miss all the happiness our furly little friends bring if I choose to close that door forever.
I don't know what's gonna happen in the future.
All I know now is...I love my cats and I'll never let any bad incidents in the past stop me from opening my heart to love them.
You know what, I'm glad I open my heart. I really do.

Amy

P.S. Rest in peace all my beloved cats in the past. Thank you so much for being a beautiful part of my life. =)

Up Date on Doom's Day

Hello Hello!!!
GREAT NEWS!!
We survived yet another Doom’s Day!!
Hoo Ray!!!!!!
So glad I’m still here.
Actually there was a rather strong storm hit the town near my place yesterday.
They had to cut electricity to protect people from electrical shock.
Houses were destroyed. I’m glad that everyone was safe.
There were no serious injure or anything.
But they sure were so scared to death while it was happening.
I guess all of us are still frightened of the Tsunami thing that happened last year.

Subject changed….
Let’s talk about something less scary, shall we?
Hmm…what should we talk about then?
Hmm...Hmm...Hmm...Hmm...Hmm...
Have I ever told you my life is boring?
I have, haven’t I?
Hmm...Hmm...Hmm...Hmm...Hmm...
How about my extreme makeover thing so I can apply for a flight attendant position?
Oh...Again...I did tell you that one.
Well, what left then?
I guess nothing left to tell now.
God I am boring!!!!
So darn boring!!!

Gotta go now.
I promise a less boring entry next time. (As If!)
Have a good one!

So Darn Boring Chubby Girl Called Amy

P.S. I love "The Great American Song Book" from Mr. Rod Steward so much.
There are 3 of them. They are all so amazing...incredibly awesome!!
The best track for me must be "Till there was you"
I'm kinna wait for that certain feeling to happen.
"There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you"
It will happen someday. I will be singing this song someday.
Gotta go now. (with a hopeful smile on my face => this time)

My Favourite Quotes Episode 1

Here are some of my favourite quotes from pretty much everywhere.
I have been searching for them on the internet for awhile.
I'll try to put more of them some other time.

Amy =)

Life is like a cock, when it gets hard - f*ck it.

"How come all the cute guys live in the TV and won't come out?" *****

The average man prefers beauty over brains because the average man can see well than he can think.

Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school - you'll be working for them in the future.

"All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don¹t get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband." -Marie, 'When Harry Met Sally'

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.

Never compare your life to that of others. You will always end up vain or bitter. For there will always be greater or lesser persons than yourself.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Not many guys are worth your tears - the few that are will never make you cry.

No matter what you do someone will love it and someone will hate it, that's why you should just do what you feel is right.

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love just makes the ride worthwhile.


Ally McBeal

"I think I just need to believe that it works love, couple hood, and partnerships. The idea that when two people come together, they stay together. I have to take that to bed with me every night, even if I'm going to bed alone. That's a McBealism."

"There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me; there are some loves that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity. Someone who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever."

Renee: "Snow White. Cinderella. All about gettin' a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it's The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about gettin' a guy."
Ally: "So basically we're screwed up because of..."
Renee: "Disney."

Never trust second thoughts. Next thing you know there'll be a third and a fourth...you'll be thinking forever!" -Richard Fish

I can't believe my life. One minute it's going okay, I mean...as okay as my life can get, then the gong knocks me completely off my feet.

****Today is gonna be an uh, a less bad day, I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know that everything is going to be...less bad

I actually like the quest, the search, that's the fun, the more lost you are the more you have to look forward to, what do you know, I'm having a great time and I don't even know it.

Ally (voice over): Looking backwards, many of the saddest time in my life turned out to be the happiest. So I must be happy now. Yeah. This is gonna be good. Why else would I be crying?

Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.*****

Fortune Telling

Do you believe that our future lies in our hands?
(When I say hands I mean the palms of you hands.)
Do you think the crinkle tiny lines can tell what will happen when you turn 25?
Don't laugh at me cause what I'm about to say is kinna funny.
Here it goes...I believe that somehow the tiny lines in our hands, the crystal balls, the cards, leaves and our birth date can indicate our future.
The idea is somewhat silly for most people but as an amature fortune teller, it's not that non-sense at all.

I used to read cards for people a lot in high school.
(I don't get to do that so much now.)
And I also love some fortune tellers to read for me too.
Most of the readings I recieved were 85% accurate.
Some were not that accurate.
And a few of them were just total crab!!
But like I said most of them were ok.

Let me tell you a bit about my lastest fortune telling with the Tarot lady.
She said...
- I didn't believe I had the potential to be what I wanted to be. Correct.
- I was about to give on my dream to become somebody. Correct.
- I was desperately need a better job. Correct.
- I was inolving with this younger guy and also some older guy "as friends." Correct.
- I would be single for a few more years. (scream) No Way!!!!!!!!
In short almost everything(90%) she said was correct.
I haven't met this lady before in my life.
How can she knew my thoughts, my fears...my whole life by looking at 10 pieces of paper?
That's why, for me, fortune telling is not that silly at all.

Hmm...what else I should say?
I should say something smart here.
As much as I like and believe fortune telling, it's such a crazy idea to live your life relying only on what the tellings say.
You have to get up and try it on your own as well.
If you want something, go get it or at least die trying.
That's what you should do.
Fortune telling is like an outline of our life story.
You can't let fate writes the whole thing for you.
Cause at the end of the day, it's you who have all the power to write or rewrite your story.
Am I right?

Ohh...What a nice post!
I hope someone would stop by and read it.
Cause, Amy, writing not so non sense story only happen once in a bluemoon.

Have a great one.
Amy =)

P.S. Remember the guy I told you I likeed his thoughts, Jon Jonsson?
Well, I posted something on his blog and he answered my silly question.
"If I woke up one day as a woman, after gazing at myself in the mirror naked for a while,
I would probably then go to the hospital and ask a doctor what the hell happened.
I would then probably become a lesbian."
Sweet...

Doom's Day

I have been hearing this Doom's Day thing for over a month now.
They said the world would end on 25th of February.
Well, we survived that one.
Then they said March 6th was another day to be extra careful wherever you go.
Cause it is, according to those people, a Doom's Day which is today.
Hmm..it's 3.06 P.M. here.Guess we'll survive this one also.
But..that's not it.
There is another Doom's Day to look forward to...March 12th, 2005.
They said there would be a massive land slide and earthquake and all the scary things that only our mother nature can create.
Do I believe what they said?
Hmm...let see.. will you believe it if someone told you over 150,000 lives would be 'washed away' on Boxing Day?
Well, we can never be too careful when it comes to a warning like that.
There are a lot things that are totally out of our control...something mysterious, something we, human being, would never understand.
That's why I said we could never be too careful.

If the wolrd would really end within a week...I would be so danm angry.
I'm 24 years old.
There will so much more lessons for me to learn, so many people to meet, so much happiness and sadness to face and so many places to go.
I would miss all that if the world end.
Wouldn't you be angry?
There are hundreds of thing I promise myself I would do before I die.
Not really a promise, more like things I want to do, thing I must do something like that you know.
Well, here are some of them...
1. Going back to USA to stay
2. Having a meaningful relationship
3. Giving birth to Joey...my Joey
4. Providing great fortune for my parents, my sister and my cats
5. Meet JH, PW, and JJ in person and if I could... make them fall for me 55555555555
6. Learn to arrange flowers, take good pictures, speak other languages, ride a ship, fly a plan and the lists go on

See that are just some examples of what I want to do before I say bye-bye to the world.
But then again those Doom's Day thing might never happen at least not in our time.
What I want to tell you here is to be sure you live your life everyday.
Don't take anything for granted.
Tell your love ones you love them.
Forgive people for their mitsakes.
Wake up with smiley face.
Go to bed with grateful feelings.
Tell youself how lucky you are to still be here.
So stop worrying and start living.
That's all we can do.
That's what I'm trying to do.

Gotta go now.
See you Later!!
Amy =)

New Hair Cut

I just had my hair cut yesterday.
It is sooooooooooo short...so short.
I have no problem with wearing short hair you know.
I kinna like it actually.
I look at least 5 years younger then my real age!!!
And that's, my friends, is awesome.
Most Thai girls love to wear their hair long.
So having short hair is great cause I am now...different. HEE HEE HEE
Actually I am always different in a good way I mean.
I am 5' 7".
My shoes size is 9.5.
I weight 130 pounds.
That makes me a really really big girl comparing to the other girls in Thailand.
It wasn't an issue for me before...how much I weight, what kind of hair I wear until now.
I am applying for a flight attendant position aka for beautiful people only.
Yes, you heard me..I want to be a stewardess!
Don't laugh at me!
People make lots of money doing that!
And if I'm lucky, I'll be one of those people too!!!

So what should I do now?
First I have to lose some weight say 10 pounds.
Second do some extreme makeover.
Then apply...I would never get the job if I don't apply.
Finally stay positive even if they rejected me!!
That's really really cool thing to do.
Ok...that's all for now.
I'll come back soon.

Amy Crazy =)

P.S. My Liverpool losed that stupid game on Sunday.
I was so up set!!!! I hate Chelsea!! JERK!

Nice! 

And I Dream Again

I had a really..hmm..what can I say...hmm...good dream last night.
I was with Seann William Scott.
And...let just say we had a great time...
Again...dream+guy+one crazy woman ring any bell?
I just promised myself to wake up a few days ago.
Look at me now..back to where I was again.
Damn me!
I need to get a real boyfriend!!!!!

Hey! I have someone to introduce his name is Joe.
He is a guru.
Ask him anything you want to know.
He has all the answer!!!
I guarantee.
http://www.primarygames.com/holidays/birthday/games/gurujoe/index.htm

Good Luck!
Amy Silly

Dream

Paul Walker



Have you ever fallen for someone you couldn’t be with because your love life is so boring?
I did…a lot when I was a teenager and I still do until now.
When I say guy you couldn’t be with I mean Guys on TV.
There are two guys I’m head over feet for recently.
One is Paul Walker (of course!) The other one is Mr. dreamy eyes Josh Hartnett.
I could just say I have no idea where this craziness comes from but I’m not gonna do that.
Why, because somehow I do know exactly why Josh and Paul have been on my mind constantly.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I’m a 24-year-old woman…single woman who lives in NO-STRAIGHT-GUY-LAND.
Yes 85% of the guys I know are gay. Seriously they are gay.. all of them!
Wait a minute…do they pretend to be gay when I’m around?
I need to check on that one. >:(
Anyway, where were we? Oh...Josh and Paul.
They are, to me, a safe place to rest.
They live in an ideal world where no harm can enter.
That’s why I am so happy to live in that fantasy world with them.
I’m I crazy? A little bit maybe!
I talked to my friend about this once you know.
About the fact that no one but guys on TV can get my attention.
My friend told me to wake up...to open my eyes.
He said it’s not ok to caught up in this surreal world too long.
So I did take his advice. I opened my eyes.
I didn’t like what I see.
The world was spinning around so fast.
I couldn’t keep up with it. That scared me.
I’m too slow, too old, too coward and too tired to follow.
That’s why I decided to close my eyes again.
No no no I’m not giving up or surrender...no way.
Maybe I was too weak the last time I wake up.
Maybe I need to get back to my fantasy world one more time to regain my hope my faith and my belief in relationship.
I guess I have to tell myself sometimes relationship in reality can be a great one too.
I need to be strong so I can face the world again gracefully.
I will step back in the real world where you guys dwell soon enough.
In a meantime let me create my perfect parallel universe for another while. I promise it won’t be long this time. =)

Anyway, I just saw this really cool guy on TV a month ago (touché!)
His name is Jon Jonsson, the Manhunt Hunk.
I’m not attracted to him physically.
The ways he looks at the world is what I like so very much.
I’m positive that whatever he has in his head will surely be useful for mankind someday!
(None of those great stuffs exist in my messy brain!!!)
I heard he’s coming to Thailand.
It would be nice to meet him in person.
But the again I am Amy.
Amy never had any luck when it comes to guys.
God I just love being me!!!!

Gotta go now…brain check is needed!
A crazy person called Amy from No Man Land =)

Whinning

Have you ever wonder why we have to grow up?

I dont like my life now. Life has no fun these days.

All I do is work work work.

The work that I don't even like!!!

I'm struggling to go away.

I remember how much fun and happiness I had when I was a kid.
My favourite time in life would probably be my time in High School.
I had great friends back then.
They are still my friends but we are far apart.
The last time my friends and I met was on 28th January 2004.
It was our graduation day..the day we entered the grown up world.
And I haven't met any of them since then.
I try so hard to keep in touch with as many of them but God it's soooooo hard.
I guess that's happen sometimes when we grow up.
People you used to know when you were young are ...missing.
I hope that would never happened but I was wrong.
It's happening. People I love and hope to keep them for life are missing.
I'm not ready for that yet.
Is it sad...for me it is so sad.
The saddest thing of all is...I always love my life in the past...not present.
The past is always fun for me... not present.
That's sucks!! Really sucks!

What a boring person I am. Have you ever met any one so boring?

God..I'm just 24.

A 24-year-old shouldn't be whinning...yet.

What should I do then?
Leave the job?
I sure will. As the matter of fact I am trying to find new job at the moment.
I just hope it's a good one.
Make it a good one ok?
That might make me forget about my past and put all my energy on my future..a bright future! (please..)

Gotta go now.
I hope the next one is better cause like someone used to say 'Tomorrow will be less bad.'
Right?

Amy